Wednesday, May 28, 2008

It's Like Taking Advice From A Baby  

But not in the taking candy from them way. I'm about to drop some knowledge, but just like my previous post, I really know nothing but a G thang about what I'm going to say.

But yet you keep coming back.

You know, I didn't even intend for this to happen, but what I'm going to say actually ties in with the introductory paragraph. This post just got a lot more complex.

When deciding between two restaurants in unfamiliar territory (think traveling, because I am now a pseudo-travel-expert), always choose the one that is celebrity endorsed.

What's that? You mean neither of your choices are celebrity endorsed? Please, do some research.

*Extended Sidenote* Speaking of celebrities, check this, fast forward to the 40 second mark, and listen for the, "please". That one word singlehandedly made the entire song for me, and blew up sassy scales everywhere. Go ahead and take a bow Rihanna. *End Sidenote That Wasn't As Extended As I Thought Would Be*

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 8:05 PM .


Saturday, May 24, 2008

I Tried To Edit This, But Gave Up An Eighth Of The Way Through; Sorry  

"Slow down, I just want to get to know you".

There are some things in life that just need to be eased into. Like this blog post, for example. I'm not here to talk about relationships, but that's what the above lyric led you to believe I was going to talk about.

But I'm not. For me, this topic is a much more difficult topic to discuss than relationships. And that's sayin' something, you know what I'm saying?

No, because even I don't.

Flashin' flashin' flashin' flashin' lights lights lights lights.

Also not what I'm writing about, but flashin' kinda sounds like fashion, which brings us to the lecture at hand. You see, anybody that knows me (if you're reading this, you comprise just about 24.3% of that specific subset of the world) knows that I know not a worthwhile thing about fashion, about matching colors, about what's hot (MIMS!), about pricing and in general, about style. Which is why the following should make for such a painful fun read.

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 10:09 PM .


Thursday, May 15, 2008

You Know What Day It Is  

Flippity flops are one of the worst inventions ever. They aren't comfortable for walking (unless you spend unnecessary amounts of money for the "good" ones), and when you want to lounge around, you end up taking them off anyways. I will not buy another pair of flip flops.

Of course, if you, friend, want to give me a pair, I'll find use for them.

Did you get that? Get your shop on. Thanks.

In Atlantic City, you have to be about 65 or older to gamble during the month of May. If you are under the age of 65, you are NOT IN ATLANTIC CITY BECAUSE IT IS TEH GHETTO.

What in mysteries of mysteries happened to Clay Aiken? How do you go from that to this? And how did he go about accumulating all this middle-aged women as a fan base?

Snakes on a plane.

I can live off the dollar menus offered by fast food chains. Just today, I ordered 5 of the 8 possible items off a McDonald's dollar menu. For lunch.

Unfortunately, they don't do "sweetened" iced tea. Or as I call it, ICED TEA. Here, it either has to be unsweetened, or sweetened, but with a raspberry flavor.

Raspberry is so not the flavor of love.

That's it. I have to go to sleep in preparation for a long day of lying under the sun on Virginia Beach tomorrow.

posted by Buttug McOysty . 12:54 AM .


Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Flashing Lights  

I'm in America, boy, living as an American boy. Hitting up Broadway, chilling out at cafes, on my way to Philly (pronounced Phil-lay, just so that the words rhyme a tad). I credit this entire paragraph to Estelle.

I have much more to say, but no time to throw up pictures that make my words make sense.

So either sit tight and wait for my update (might want to go grab a book to read in the meantime, because the more you read, the less you age...according to some ad), or, on the off chance that you might be a genius or extremely lucky, go invent yourself a time machine, fast forward into the future, and enjoy my vacation babbles.

posted by Buttug McOysty . 10:05 AM .


Monday, May 05, 2008

Parting Words  

That title could've had double meaning if things turned out differently tonight. But that part comes later in this story.

Any graduation road trip must start with a bit of confusion. Complete disarray is then gradually achieved over the course of the excursion, but I'm getting ahead of myself with the anticipation of getting lost, violently turning on each other, awkwardly sitting in silence, emotionally reconciling, and then continuing on the path of "fun".

My precursor to the trip started with a realization that I did not have enough boxer shorts to last 15 days. My mother, in the spirit of trying to skim some money off what is amounting to be a very expensive trip, suggested I try disposable underwear. It'd save room (they come packaged as tiny little rolls) and came six for $1.49.

Don't try disposable underwear. 20 minutes into the trial run, I disposed of my first pair due to the uncomfortable paper feeling against my lower body regions.

And you thought that was the good part of this story. Welcome to the utter breakdown of the precursor to my trip. And the rest has nothing to do with underwear. Instantaneous transitioning period. My specialty.

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 2:15 AM .


Thursday, May 01, 2008

Wow, This Is New  

The second toe on my right foot fell asleep while I was watching television earlier on tonight.

In the history of medical science, has that ever happened? Just one toe? Am I on track for a half-heart attack? Do I need to stop eating my mother's home baked desserts? Am I developing minute spidey-senses?

I don't even require medical explanations. Please, someone, just tell me something that'll make me feel better.

In the meantime, it's back to demolishing this tiramisu.

posted by Buttug McOysty . 10:38 PM .