Yesterday, I emerged from Kingston a free man after 5 years of institutionalization. I also finished off my university education. You know what I'm sayin'?!
That not-so-obvious reference to my local surroundings was so ridiculous in my mind, I concocted a post just to make sure it was written. And it was.
Everybody, happy earth day free-coffee-at-Starbucks-if-you-bring-a-travel-mug-day.
I plan to celebrate this occasion at least three times.
I've been busted for exaggerating a bit with my story telling. Truth be told, the scenario in my last post really wasn't awkward at all. I just needed to insert "I know. Awkward" for dramatic effect. We were all grownups. That chose to laugh really hard at the situation, and crack joke after joke for the rest of the night. Seeing as how only women comment on this blog (Mike included roflz (the z is silent and unnecessary in case you were wondering), I was wondering if you inform your guy friends that "blood is currently oozing out of my body". In a non-emergency situation.
Now.
Today's episode features me, Buttug Lee McOysty, with Lee not being my middle name, being thrust into two situations where I felt bad for my actions, but probably shouldn't. Either way, you decide. Because, you know, I can be completely swayed over by Internet blog comments.
Scenario One
I walk into a "convenience store" to purchase a small, but necessary, product (let's just keep it at that, it's more amusing for me if I force you to wonder what I'm buying, if you're wondering at all). I asked the clerk if it was okay if I got rid of my spare change. After a half-hearted, "yeah sure", I took out two dollars worth of dimes, and another two dollars worth of quarters. The clerk quickly and sarcastically quipped, "Thanks for making my life easier buddy."
As I left the store, I felt like a big dirt-bag. Until I thought about it some more, and while the customer isn't ALWAYS right (that's just dumb business sense), the customer was right in this instance. Or was I? Is there a limit to the amount of change one can use in a transaction? A sliding scale, if you will, but sort of inverted? At any time, would an store clerk be justified to say, "Nope, that's five dollars worth of pennies. Either take out some paper money, or put the bubble gum back on the rack and get out of my store"?
Scenario Two
I'm just about to pay for my food at the local grocery establishment, but I notice that my bundle of asparagus came out to $2.13, when the flyer clearly advertised a bundle of asparagus for $1.49. So I casually (smooth like butter) mentioned it to the cashier, who, with the most exasperated voice ever, asked, "would you like me to go check for you?"
And with that, I once more felt like a dirt-bag who just made things difficult for people. How did that happen? Did I do something way out of the ordinary here? Do I need to revise my life strategy? Do I need to put together some apology baskets, or demand some apology baskets for the attitudes I've encountered today?
Thanks to my ability to disappear off the face of the Internets whenever I want to, I have decided to institute casual Fridays here at Stupefying Stupidity. I links to myselves just in cases you forgots the addressies. And plurarlizing words is so hip-hop. So is making words up.
I should probably explain what casual Fridays means before I go about it.
Every Friday, I'll swing by, type for a few minutes without caring if the topics are important or if I even have a point. You want comedy? Maybe Monday. Political punditry? Come back on Wednesdays. Homer-ish sports rants? Tune in Saturday. Fridays are for me.
Here....we go!
This is a true story. Matta' of fact, it went down just minutes ago. A couple of us went out for a drive down to the lake. Three men and one female comprised the group. While at the lake, the guys were informed to take it easy on the obligatory ribbing and jesting thrown at the female because it was ALMOST that time of month for her (I know, awkward), and apparently right before that time of month, she gets overly sensitive.
On the drive home, we were then informed it was actually that time of month. Not almost. As in, please drive faster, because fluids are leaking.
I know.
Awkward.
How many female friends do you know that would inform males of such an occurrence? Is it socially acceptable? Where are we supposed to stand on things like this? How does a sundial really work? Is this really one of the greatest sport stories of early 2008?
Welcome to casual Fridays.
It's good to know what's happening in the potential job market one is getting themselves into. Microsoft is taking on traffic jams. Or at least they plan to introduce a tool that will theoretically minimize the chance you get stuck in traffic, based on complex machine learning models.
Which is totally cool, considering I've been thinking about solutions to avoid traffic jams. And I think I may be one up on Microsoft.
A teleportation machine.
(there's a reason I don't have a job yet)
Today, I managed to fit the above phrase into a phone interview.
Now, I've been watching a nerd show that already makes me feel intellectually inferior on so many levels, but this really takes the cake.
And then I had to painfully hear the interviewer slowly repeat the phrase, "Yes, I am .. for ... serious" ...
But this is no joke.
*Preface - Kids, don't take this too seriously. The character-to-be-mentioned will be staying with me sometime over the summer. You know, if I don't hurt his feelings too much. Plus, only the closest of friends can express their feelings like we do.
mikeK has boldly called me out through his carefully crafted post (seriously, he takes days to construct a post...I'm a personal witness to a few). You know, there was a time when all this blog was good for was subtle shots at my ex-housemates. That all ended when they thought they were too good for blogging. But look who came crawling back (they always do).
"There are so many people with cool names out there, and yet, somehow, my friends have all managed to pick the worst and ugliest names."
mikeK, your attempt to establish yourself as a blogging star by taking on the current Internets-celebrity-nobody-knows-about (see: me) is understandable. Knowing I'd respond (and probably link to his blog) on this high-traffic (even I can't type that with a straight face) blog was borderline genius. But his formulaic (broad introduction, diss some fools, seal the deal with a semi-random picture, leave you with an underwhelming punch-line) approach to blogging perplexes me. Despite the fact he took a good one year break, his online style hasn't changed at all. Some would call it consistency.
I say it's a lack of personal development.
Oh. Scroll down all the way to the bottom to find his "Blogroll", consisting of WordPress.com and WordPress.org. It screams of professionalism. And care.
"Just the other day, a kid came up to me and told me I'm his hero,
So the value that I place on your opinion is approximately zero."
I just quoted my own self. And linked to my own blog. A move that is legend..
...wait for it...
...wait...
...still there?...
dary.
