Thursday, March 30, 2006

All Crossed Up  

While typing up this post, I am watching Veronica Mars. And by doing so, I am tying up one of the, lets be generous, 50 computers on the first floor of the library. Yes, I have now become one of those jerks that go to the library to not only NOT do any work, but to be a distraction to others.

I feel like I have fulfilled my disservice-to-society quota.

But what y'all going to do? You gonna be ballers? Shot-callers? Run to tell the library po-po? Nahh you're gonna sit back down and read the rest of my post. Because at least I don't use up valuable library resources everyday. Can't say the same for some of the other library frequents. Like Wikipedia-guy. Or Sleeping-Asian-Guy. Or Creepy-Webcam-Guy.

Back to the point of this post. During this particular episode of Vmars, two characters from Arrested Development (another show I am heads over heels in love with) showed up and made a guest appearance.

Now by no means am I particularly bored with my life. I enjoy my life so much that I am ... sitting in a library watching tv shows. Everyday is a ROLLERCOASTER ride.

Excuse me a sec.

*Buttug throws arms up in the air and exclaims "WEEEEE"*

(the security guard just walked by so Buttug had to prematurely end the Wee-ing)

But no matter how exciting my life, or your life, is, think about how sugary-sweet it would be to have characters from TV shows cross over into your daily life, even for just a day? And I speak from vast experience because just recently, I had my close encounter with crossover-itus.

I think my posts would become exponentially more interesting with the addition of newer/hipper characters. Not that the characters people in my life now are an absolute bore. But allow me to give you a taste of a hypothetical post:

So while I was kickin' it on the corner with Ernie and Bert, Oscar the Grouch suddenly stuck his head out of the garbage can and informed us that Elmo* was laughin up a storm over at the local gift shop because of a random pun he had read on a Hallmark card. And I was like "YO THATS WACK", and I quickly hopped on the batmobile that Batman had so kindly lent me the other day. Archie and Jughead hopped into the backseat and away we went. When we arrived at the gift shop, that fat-headed Burger King ... King, was stuck in the doorway, so I quickly Kung-Fu'd my way through him only to find that Elmo had been kidnapped by the sinister Stewart Griffin.

Leaves you wanting more doesn't it? Well that's all you get for free.

Although I'm very tempted to go on because, well, that was the most fun I have had writing a blog paragraph in a long time. I sincerely doubt that you the reader would have had more fun reading it than I did writing it. And again, what you gonna do? Even with the post ending very soon, it's just highly unlikely you the reader will do anything.

And I'm off. Can somebody please tell me the way to get to Sesame Street? You know, where the air is sweet and friendly neighbors meet?**

*Is it weird that the majority of the made-up characters I think about are from Sesame Street?
**No, seriously, what is up with the Sesame Street Buttug?

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 8:18 PM .


Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Link Post  

Please don't consider me lazy because I put up links as an excuse for a post.

Consider me lazy because tonight, I plan to make the biggest butt groove my couch has ever known.

'07 grad trip to Vegas. Who's with me?

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 6:15 PM .


Tuesday, March 28, 2006

I Vote For A Re-Wording  

Strolling along to class in my t-shirt today, and yes I was freezing but I was trying to trick myself into think the weather was warm enough for t-shirts, and no it didn't work. You see how I awkwardly ended that sentence without actually finishing the thought? Yeah, that stuff needs to go. I should definitely look into taking some English courses in summer school.

I passed by a structure that people like to advertise on with different colors of chalk and nice big bubbly lettering. Today, my eyes focused in on the slogan "Coke Off Campus".

Where? And how much would it cost me?!

No kids, I don't do drugs, nor do I condone the use of drugs. Yes of course you can have my autograph, people often mistake me for Barry Bonds when I utter those phrases.

But cmon, if you really wanted to get rid of Coke dealing on campus, I think you could've used a different catch-phrase. And let me be the first to suggest "Kick Coke In The Nuts" or "Coke belongs in the Can" (trash can that is) or "You're an Idiot if You Do Coke".

Why would you use an ambiguous statement like "Coke Off Campus" that would probably only raise the excitement level of the possibility of there being availble Coke off campus. This is a prime example of sacrificing the message for attractiveness. They thought that "Coke Off Campus" would be catchy enough to raise awareness

Let me just leave you with this. No this is not my ode to the winter past, even though I have already kicked winter to the curb with my breaking out in a t-shirt. Although if you don't know what this following item represents, then sure, it IS my ode to winter past.



Please don't take this the wrong way. But NO I definitely do not want one of these t-shirts. I think I'm more ready to cop a green and yellow t-shirt.*

*Seriously, I'm so mysterious with all my little subtle hints and stories and such. Sorry everybody.

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 7:19 PM .


Monday, March 27, 2006

A Weekend to Savor  

No matter how many times I listen to Abba's Dancing Queen, I still can't dance. About the only thing I can cook is books (hire me now Enron). And the things I decorate manage to come out worse than they were before I laid my hands on them. It's no wonder that I am the most-called-upon decorator come Halloween when everything in sight is supposed to look horrific.

I used all three of my non-talents this weekend and because of that, my team was crowned the "2006 KCCF Cooking Contest Champions of the WORLD", shortened for your convenience to the 2006KCCFCCCOFW. Yup, I danced, decorated and cooked my way to victory. No humble pie for me today.

Can't say the same for the four number one seeds in the NCAA brackets. Now who am I supposed to cheer for? Wait why am I cheering for teams in a sport I don't even follow? Oh who cares, it's march madness. I plead temporary insanity for any random actions I may take over the remaining few days left in March.

Boohawwhaysdflkjjhyahtzeeisunkedyourbattleshipbingopoofveglad.

Insanity folks. Vinsanity*.

Hehe, George Mason University. Some folks named a university after that tragic character on 24 who heroically sacrificed himself, or should I say, the person FOX no longer wanted on their payroll and thusly had the writers kill his character off:



I'm sorry. I went into this post with the intention of posting the happenings of my weekend, but I ended up so far out there that not even your friendly hubble telescope would make me out.

The end.

*Hey remember Vince? Why did we trade him again? And why did I decide to trade him off my fantasy roster for RON ARTEST and Tim the Toolman Thomas?! Freakin march madness.

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 2:48 PM .


Friday, March 24, 2006

What You Don't Know  

Inspired by a recent issue of the Golden Words, a weekly collection of satirical/off-centered random ramblings by Queen Students, I present to you, "What You Don't Know". Who knows, I may just bring this theme up from time to time. But most probably not, because it is almost 3:00AM and I will probably wake up in a few hours not even remembering I wrote this post. So ladies and gentlemen, hold onto your hats, and most importantly hold onto your children, and here we go.

You are vacuuming your filthy apartment, and while reaching into a corner, you come across a spider, its prey, and its web. Without thinking twice, or thrice, you pass that vacuum head over and in a second, everything is gone. The spider, its prey, and its web. What you don't know is that the vacuumed up spider was radioactive, and was to be the spider that was destined to bite the modern day Peter Parker and turn him into Spiderman. I now blame you for the lack of Superheros in the world.

You decide to start flapping your arms one day while day dreaming about going up in the sky lookin extra fly. All this during the 8:30AM lecture you decide to attend even though the night before, you stay up late just to write up some blog post. What you don't know is that halfway around the world, a hurricane is raging because of the Butterfly Effect*.

The seventh digit of pi is 7. What you don't know is that the seventh digit of pi cubed is also 7**.

I must let go. What you don't know is how hard it actually is for me. Keeps me up at night writing nonsensical blog posts. Keeps me well distracted during class.

You are laughing so hard at one of my jokes that milk comes out of your nose. What you don't know is that that particular volume of milk magically contained the protein/(insert biological jargon here) that cures cancer. Now it's on the floor, ever so slowly evaporating away.

Somewhere out there, terrorists have obtained control of Syntox Gas and are threatening to release it, every last gram. What you don't know is that Jack Bauer is awake and is closing in on you terrorists. So watch out. Because Jack Bauer is the new Chuck Norris. And if you see Jack Bauer, well he sees you. And if you don't see Jack Bauer, you are seconds away from a bloody interrogation (including everyone's second most favorite Jack Bauer catchphrase*** "WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR") that will result in your death. Or you just need glasses.

I know I'm awesome. But what you don't know is that I'm also AAwesome. That's right, two a's. You may also not know why. Stick around, I'm sure you'll find out.

*It's not the best link in the whole wide world. But really, it does try it's best, just give it a chance okay?
**If you did know that, truly am sorry, and you need to put that calculator of yours down from time to time and go outside and play. Don't do it for me, do it for you. Really. I'm just sayin, consider it okay?
***Second only to "DAMMIT"

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 3:55 AM .


Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Pardon my french, but I feel le screwed.

Actually, let's try this again.

Pardon my french connection UK, but I feel fc...nevemrind.

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 8:22 PM .


Monday, March 20, 2006

Honey, I Blew Up The Blog Post  

The other day, the housemate I never knew about told me that my blog was full of crap and that I blow things out of proportion.

To which I replied, "No, I don't".

What? You were expecting some witty comeback that would leave my joker housemate speechless? Nah, I held back, preferring instead to set the wheels residing in my head in motion for a retaliatory blog post.

For the record, my aim is not to blow things out of proportion. Actually, if you go read some other people's blogs where they take a topic and beat the living snot out of it, you will then realize the beauty of me keeping things relatively nice, simple, and to the point.

Seriously, my winning formula for a blog post is this*:
random ramblings + obscure music allusions = setup for the big punchline
big punchline = good blog post

Because no one remebers who came in second. And similarly, no one remembers the actual content of a blog post other than the last line. Because everyone skims. I skim, you skim, milk skims, we ALL do it.

I'm gonna give this "blowing something out of proportion" a shot. Ready here it come.



Taken from the image:



Ending a blog with a visual punchline, brilliant.

*Now you know, and because you know, you must be silenced. Is 5 o clock today a good time to meet up for a round of DEATH?

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 5:29 PM .


Friday, March 17, 2006

Turtles in a Hot Shell  

Over 50% of the mail I receive are pizza advertisement flyers. Therefore, I eat a lot of pizza. Well actually, I shouldn't have said 'therefore' because that implies good advertisement when in actual fact, pizza could be as underground as Mike Jones was back in 01, and I'd still be able to locate it and eat it by the truckload.

The underground is mine, I treat it like home, it's the reason people sayin my name like Mike Jones.

(note to the people that don't care about rap music, you can stop skimming now)

And lately, I have rekindled my love for Super Nintendo's Turtles in Time IV. I also have a rat friend.* I also use the term cowabunga from time to time. Because cowabunga is a surfer term. And I do my fair of surfing (of the internet).

Walking on campus today, I encountered something so incredulous that I had to look twice, slap myself while pinching myself, just to make sure I got it straight. I saw them. Who's them? Them is:



That's right. That IS 184 over there in the top left hand corner. Shoutouts to 184. No need to holler back. Cuz you aint no holler back girls.

(note to people that don't come to Queen's or know the significance of 184, you can stop skimming now)

TURTLES! It would be safe to assume that they're in the little town of Kingston looking for their fourth member Michelangelo. And when I say safe, I really do mean safe, because afterall these turtles are around looking out for common civilians like you and me. And it's been a while since it's been safe on the streets, just hasn't been the same since George Bush sent Batman over to Iraq to win that war.

Now this raises an important question, one that I need answers to before I do something so embarassing that my face would turn green**. At what age is it acceptable to rediscover your love for dressing up as "characters"? And I use the word "characters" very loosely. Because last term I saw three dudes dressed up as "rock, paper and scissors". Yup this crazy stuff like this happens all the time here at the "Harvard of the North"***.

So as I stand here holding my Littlefoot costume, I need to know if society will accept me or laugh at me if I do what I intend to do.

*Please don't hurt me my rat friend. I only linked you once twice.
**Happy St.Patrick's Day to you too.
***Only we refer to ourselves as that. Everyone else calls us the SuperSnobs of the North.

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 3:41 PM .


Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Normally I'd Consider Myself A Cool Cat  



Not anymore.


If you talk to me and I get all hissy/pissy like a cat about to be thrown in a tub of water, sorry.

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 5:17 PM .


Tuesday, March 14, 2006

I Just Can't Catch A Break  

Pre-Post
Althought I must say I'm quite adept at catching just about anything else. It's as if my hands came out as baseball gloves that's how good I am. Don't even bother asking me if I catch your drift because I am so far ahead of your drift that even those Initial D fellows would be jealous.

Did you like how I jumped from point A to point T without showing my steps? No? Didn't think so. Let me draw it all out for you.

Actually no I won't. Proofs are exhausting and so long-winded. Let's forgo that and pretend I did.

Actual Post
Some people win the lottery. Others may not have finished an important project only to find out the deadline had been extended. Other others would bet on a big underdog in a sporting event, and end up scoring big when the players on the other team suddenly are involved in a freak accident, such as three fans with their bodies painted blue pounding so hard on the arena glass that it falls over and crushes the players. I love pro-line commercials.

So this lucky gal is in a category by herself. And they say, she's so lucky, she's a star.* All I get when I'm in the shower gargling water is the taste of ... well something not good, I can't quite put my finger on it.**

Now I'm not an alcoholic. I'm not even an anonymous alcoholic. But wouldn't that be pretty cool? AA*** the AA (r**) - this is blowing my mind. Maybe I'll become an alcoholic just so I can go around introducing myself as the AA ... r**.

But think about the endless possibilities this story presents. Overlooking the fact that yes you can get piss drunk off the endless supply of beer, this actually has potential to be one of the greatest money making schemes in the entire universe. You see, it's simple. You find empty bottles, and you start peddling them on the streets. Cuz I'm so street. And genious.

Unfortunately, this will never happen to me. Because I just never get lucky enough to stumble across a great money-making scheme. I must sadly settle for reading about them on worldwidewebosphere.

Post Post Comments
*I did just go all Britney Spears on you.
**Kingston water tastes like crap. When I say I can't put a finger on it, it's because I've decided not to think about it, thus enabling me to open my mouth during showers.

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 12:39 AM .


Friday, March 10, 2006

And I Thought It Was Impossible  

Krispy Kreme Doughnuts are so good that...

I kinda sound like I'm making a "your momma is sooo fat that" joke, but I'm not so get back down in your seat son.

Krispy Kreme Doughnuts are so good that when I applied all my wonderful mathematical tools and computer algorithms skills I have acquired up til this point in my life, I arrived at the conclusion that it was theoretically impossible to make them any better.

Well, the good folks over at Krispy Kreme and Gateway Grizzlies* sure showed me. Now I want one, and by golly I will have one. Someday.

*My new favorite minor league baseball team. Represent South Illinois! REPRESENT! Yeah, holler. Durrrty south if ya know what I'm talkin about.

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 11:14 AM .


Thursday, March 09, 2006

Someone May Need To Verify This  

Lack of sleep somehow makes your long term memory better. Abundance of sleep is needed for ingraining new things into memory.

I am definitely putting both statements to test by doing the lack of sleep thing. Hand me a labcoat, some wicked goggles and you can go 'head and call me a modern day scientist.

This sucks more than a kid working on a giant lollipop*.

*Is it spelled lollipop or lollypop? Maybe I'll experiment on that next. Take some random surveys. Correlate factors and all that fun statistical analysis st..zzzzz

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 11:43 PM .


Wednesday, March 08, 2006

What Else Am I Going To Miss?  

They say they never really miss you until you dead or you gone, so on that note, I'm leaving after this song.

Except I just realized that the song I listened to just won itself an Oscar. Yes, please cue up the inspirational orchestral movement and maybe the beautiful scenary in the background that accompanies such a majestic song. All I need now is a relaxing afternoon, a nice backyard, a stick to throw at random kids playing in adjacent backyards thus ruining my picture perfect (pun always intended) afternoon, and me and my girlfriend (echo-me and my girlfriend)*.

Right? Left Wrong.

Three 6 Mafia took home the Oscar for their musical masterpiece** "It's Hard Out There For A Pimp". I'm glad somebody finally took the time to write a song about Pimpin'. It's important issues like Pimpin' that need to be addressed in society today.*** You KNOW we have enough music out there about social injustice or overcoming adversity.

I think I'm gonna go call up my buddy Ludacris and ask him to do a song about his Pimpin' exploits all over the world . Maybe Jay will help me out and drop a song about how he's such a Big Pimp. Or maybe I'll get on it, and write a song about pimp...les. Cuz I'm an expert, as my scarred face will attest to.

Thank you very much Three 6 Mafia. You know what this opens up the door for; Kanye West wanting an Oscar for his not-yet-made Mission Impossible Three theme. I kinda wished I watched the performance of the song at the Oscars though, because you know, this wasn't your average hip-hop crowd they were trying to cater to. These were uptight old folks (except for you Jamie Foxx except for you) who probably wouldn't take nicely to about 50% of them lyrics.

On a very far sided note, I'm glad Crash took home that Golden Statue Man. Not because of the horrible "Brokeback Mountain is now king of the Oscar hill" pun I would've quipped here on my blog, but because I was brought up in a household where you say NO to gay cowboys. That's just me.



Three 6 Mafia. Now you know. Mostly.

*How many Jay-Z lyric allusions can I throw into one post? I may explore this someday.
**Sarcasm starting to kick in, tryin real hard to supress it...
***No can-do, sarcasm has taken me over

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 6:07 PM .


Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Why I Enjoyed Winter Retreat  

1. The guest speaker, Domenic Ruso, was this amazing Italian dude. On the very first day, someone from our CCF group decided to go ask him if he knew where the water was. I guess it wasn't all bad to assume he worked there because he wasn't asian. Oh wait, is that borderline racist?!*

2. The amazing guest speaker made two specific references to two things I thought nobody amazing in the world, other than me, would have read up on beforehand. Exercise links with caution because these aren't warm and fuzzy Christian references.
- Post Secret, the blog version
- a story on cnn.com (because he also surfs the web for weird news stories**) about a genious parrot

3. The guest speaker, did I mention how amazing he was, is a drummer. So not only did he leave me with a lot of thoughts pertaining to the spiritual side of life, but also what I can do become a better drummer. Now that's application.

4. FREE COFFEE. No further discussion needed.

5. All the rest (deep breath) - JamminUntilFourAM SnowFun WarmFuzzyFun RandomJokeFun WatchinPranksFun NoSleep FunCatchinUpWithPeeps** LaughterAboutAnything Convictions NewLessons OldLessons Last Winter Retreat With The Majority Of The People I Really Know and Love?***

*Yes, yes it is. And snob, very snob. And totally awesome.
**But probably not to loserishly post with annotated observations on his blog.
***I never said peeps before. I will never say it again.
****OOH I said "Love". No. This asterisk was for the tear rolling down my face as I ponder this possibility.

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 1:24 AM .


Friday, March 03, 2006

Sloshed Frosh  

Everyweek in Spanish Learning Lab, yes I have a lab section for the bird Spanish course I am taking, the prof requires four students to come up for show and tell.

As if Spanish wasn't gr.2ish enough already with the constant barrage of "now repeat after me class!"...'s, now we're gonna bring in our little items and describe their most basic characteristics. And I'm talkin BASICS here. Like what it is, what color it is and whether it is big or small, whether it makes you cry or smile, things that I could really care less about.

But it's fine by me (please see: easy marks). Last week a bunch of girls presented, and they brought in anything from meaningful pictures to souvenirs from places they visited to things that reminded them about home. You know, things that warm your heart up faster than chicken-soup-for-the-soul.

Today, two guys, whom I will assume to be frosh that just turned 19 and are now legal, brought in alcoholic beverages to present to the class.

First off, who brings alcoholic beverages to school for show-and-tell? That to me is the equivalent of entering a sauna with a bucket of ice hoping to make giant ice castles. Or like, bringing a knife to a gun-fight. It just ain't right.

School and alcohol should remain as separate as Jennifer and Brad. Unless you're using alcohol to make a boring class seem more lively*. Of which I would know nothing about.

And then to top it all off, one of the bottles was EMPTY. So here was this guy, presenting his alcoholic beverage, and by presenting I mean slurring all his words together to form one very long incoherant sentence IN SPANISH (which certainly doesn't help) while he's all red-faced** and giggly***.

It was a good way to end off a long week of classes. For me, not so much for the dude presenting.

*Oh...Maybe that's what he was doing.
**Okay, he wasn't red-faced.
***He definitely was slightly giggly.

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 1:18 PM .