Sunday, August 28, 2005

MTVeeheehee's  



The rapper also known as Mason Betha, Preacher Mason Betha, and P Didd...oops sorry, DIDDY's favorite sidekick has officially dropped his Bad Boy colors and donned a G-Unit uniform.

And guess what? He STILL SUCKS.

I am an Oracle. Wait, no I'm not. If I were an Oracle, I'd feel like a jerk. Shame on you for mowing down NY team after NY team, but I digress. I can see it now. Ten years down the road, Kanye West will STILL be winning awards for his Jesus Walks video, and Diddy will still be big-uping Biggs at every opportunity. 50 Cent will still trot out the whole G-Unit because he can't hold his own for a few minutes on stage (he only knows how to thrust his arm out a bit then grab his crotch...seriously)

In the first edition of "You know you're pretty low on the celebrity food chain WHEN"....you're presenting presenters. And not top of the line presenters, we're talking Ricky Martin/Joss Stone type characters.

You can call me Sean-ye West. Or Sean-daliza Rice.

I know Internet polls are over-rated. But here's one you'll enjoy. Please help me pick my future girlfriend.

VS

Brunette Kelly Clarkson vs Blonde Kelly Clarkson.

Oh who cares, I win either way.

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 11:43 PM .


Friday, August 26, 2005

want what you cant have  

Went for lunch with the parents today, and not just to any shabby chinese restaurants with their very own colony of cockroaches. Instead, we dined at a fancy Italian restaurant, where I was pushed into ordering the Roast Beef. Not to demean the roast beef, but while downing my cow, all I could think about was how I wanted a PIZZA!

And not just any run of the mill pizza either. I wanted a pizza with EVERYTHING on it. And I Mean EVERYTHING. An XL pizza with the following toppings: pepperoni, pineapples, bacon bits, extra cheese, a two liter Sprite, your secret recipes and all my money back.

I know that's slightly pushing it, pushing it like an elevator close door button (OH YA). That's what it's all about. And YES, I did just end my sentence with a preposition. I just roll like that. You know, like a ball.

Mulling My Muisc
Feel free to stop reading. Although once you get the bill in the mail, it certainly won't feel free much longer. In fact, I may sense some anger. BUT I have just the thing to calm you down. Kanye - Kan The Louis Vutton Don who bought a purse for his Mom, now she Louis Vutton Mom, will be dropping his Late Registration album in a couple days. Ironically, I got my hand on Late Registration, early.

Now be ready for this. Let me just state for the record I am a fan of Kanye West's music. And at the end of the day, you still need to go get the album.

But when you're promoting an album, and hyping it up with collaboration announcements, you have to deliver. Otherwise your fans will be tasting sour lemons upon the realization they have been snubbed. Not to mention that the stinking lemonade cost me too much and that kid on the front lawn looked kinda shady.

But that's neither here nor there. But what will be here soon will be the album. I'm gonna cop that, but only cuz I can't cop cars without seeing cop cars.

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 5:19 PM .


Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Work...what work  

When sending emails containing attachments or ONE piece of vital information, who, more often than not, forgets to actually attach it and then have to re-email, alerting the receiver that you are, indeed, a dumb@$$?

*raises one hand*
*other hand reaches for a shovel to start digging up*

So I haven't been blogging much since I have better things to do at home I sleep in til 11 and that throws off my posting schedule, and conveniently gives me a headache at 5 everyday.

And now for my obligatory excuses for not blogging

10. It makes you go crazy.
9. I can't decide what to blog about. And indecision is an artform.
8. I started a philosophical argument with the copper that pulled me over about how the left brake light on my ghetto jetta was indeed trying to screw me over by internally combusting after laughing out loud and screaming "CANT CATCH A 'BRAKE' CAN YOU!". Copper didn't buy it. I didn't sell it.
7. Wait that wasn't an excuse.
6. Neither was that.
5. Nor that.
*continues on for another 4 more...AND FINALLY*
1. I enjoy making up excuses.

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 5:25 PM .


Friday, August 19, 2005

Back to your Regularly Scheduled Programming  

It wasn't that long ago when I first strolled into the office. Somebody asked me "what's your name?", I held my necklace in her face and said "read the chain".
K maybe not, but on hindsight, that's how I should've done it...and I should really invest in a diamond studded chain that has my name on it.

I’m not really sure why ninja star throwing isn’t taught in the public schools. I rarely use trigonometry in real life, but there are many times in a day, when a well placed ninja star would really fit the bill. For example, let’s say your co-worker comes into your office and won’t stop talking about how their dry cleaner usually messes up the crease up in their favorite pair of blue pants. Would you be able to resolve the situation by identifying where a parabola intersects the y-axis? That’s all I’m saying.

The next co-worker that asks me "where are you going to school" is gonna get this response:
"CLOWN COLLEGE, so I'll see you at your kids next birthday party, and NO don't ask me to juggle, that's a third year course, I've only learned how to fold balloons into...swords... and hot dogs."
And then I'll hurl a ninja star in their back as they walk away puzzled.

Follow me now. If purple was the new blue, then yellow the new purple, then green the new yellow, then pink the new green, then red the new pink, and now blue the new red, then haven't we just gone in a FRIGGIN CIRCLE. And more importantly, does this mean that mullets will make a miraculous comeback?

I need a car that has the windshield in the exact curvature of my prescription. My passengers may get headaches, although I'd be going so fast it wouldn't matter, with me trying to make it through all the interesections before the lights turn blue.

Rogers has taught me:
- I can't throw crumpled paper into a garbage can with an opening of 3 inches, placed 10 feet away for my LIFE.
- 4 flights of stairs is always 4 flights of stairs too much on the way up, and 4 flights of pure fun-ness while jumping down.
- Coffee. Good.
- I am Suduko master.
- Companies may SAY they track your internet activity, but they usually don't.
- There are jobs where you get paid to waste company time and resources.
- I hate you 50 cent. And stupid ads (and advertisers). And 7:00am. And Pittsburgh.

And that is all folks. Feel free to come build a dome around my head and stick a telescope up top if you liked my very random observations over the summer.

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 9:50 AM .


Thursday, August 18, 2005

Problem Solver  

I've done had it with this whining and complaining and crying about girls. Look, I've got 99 problems, but nevermind. Here is the one survey to rule them all. Use at your own discretion to screen for future spouses.

Questions:
1. Are you hot?
2. What season of the year has the best music?
3. What is the best Television show ever aired?
4. What do you do on Thursdays at 8/7C?
5. Coffee or Tea
6. It is 4th and short, what play do you call?
7. Who is the greatest basketball player of all time?
8. BSB or N'Sync?
9. What time do you wake up in the morning?
10.If there were a vote for Emperor of the World, who would you vote for?

Answers:

1. Yes
2. Christmas
3. Can't talk, watching Gilmore Girls.
4. Watch the O.C.
5. Coffee
6. FB Dive out of Goal Line, no hesitation
7. Darko Milicic
8. BSB
9. What the heck is "morning"?
10.Will-Get-Jiggy-Wit-It-Smith


0-2 Questions Right: What are you even doing talking to this person?
3-5 Questions Right: You can date them as long as the answer to Question 1 was, "yes, very"
6-8 Questions Right: Take home to the family material...consider yourself lucky.
9-10 Questions Right: Buy an engagement ring right away...better yet, give me her phone number.

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 9:13 AM .


Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Crazy Labcoaters  

Recently, scientists have discovered that garlic is detected in the body by pain receptors.

And you thought that I was the only one in this world that is useless at work. Seriously who goes around experimenting with GARLIC? The last time I checked, ice cream was still melting all over my fingers. Why won't some scientist get on that? And how are my seedless mangoes going?

Switching flavors, the one-million-dollar question for today is: what would you do for a Klondike bar? Presenting to you, another reality show that makes you want to grab that axe you keep in your closet and take one good swing at the TV, before you realize that the TV is your only friend.

"Hi, I'm Regis Philbin."

{applause}

"Thank you. Thank you. That Ehron, huh -- what a crazy guy. Tonight we get to see what crazy things he'd do for a Klondike Bar!"

Okay, I'm not really Regis -- I'm still Ehron pretending to be Regis pretending like this announcement is some sort of pretend reality show reveal. Sometimes I just get so clever.

My cleverness has also allowed me to decipher the meaning of that Hollaback Girl song. HollaBACK spelled BACKwards is, basically, Kabbalah. And Gwen aint no Kabbalah Girl. In fact she thinks that s**t is bananas.

I hope I didn't offend anyone by saying s**t. I am, at some point, going to find a way to offend every single person that reads this thing one by one. I have no idea how I’m going to acheive this, aside to say it will be totally accidental, and a by-product of the fact that I’m pretty much an jerk by nature. Rest assured - your time will probably come and I’m sorry.

At least I'll try my best not to be racist, because I only try to push the boundaries, not cross them. On the other hand, the state of Florida has decided to SUE in order to keep up the racist status quo. Couple this act with your inability to read-a-ballot-good, I now crown you, Florida, the "Dumbest State". And that's saying something, what with Nebraska, and Arkansas, and New Mexico also nominated. DONT TAKE A BOW, it was an INSULT.

*Really Ehron? Florida-sucks-at-voting-jokes? Put the stick down, that horse is dead.*

Last note (is B...because then it wraps back around to C...), I keep forgetting to thank everyone who wished me a happy birthday. I know, it was a bad move on my part and I appologize. Please stop sending me cherry bombs "cleverly" disguised as presents. MY BAD OK?!

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 9:28 AM .


Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Meetings are the way to go  

If you're out on the road
Feeling lonely, and so cold
...
then...CALL A MEETING!
you can...
See people
Draw flowcharts
Feel important
Form subcommittees
Impress your colleagues
Make meaningless recomendations
Continuously sip loud-and-obnoxiously on your coffee

ALL on company time!
Meetings, the practical alternative to work.

A TV network may decide to air a show about a washed-up H list celebrity, say...Tommy Lee, going to college. If that show ever got on the air, not only would I never watch it, but I’d also fail to acknowledge its existence - then maybe write a post about how I’d never watch a show like it.

Throw your diamonds in the sky if you feel my vibe. Oh wait, throw your diamonds at me. Cuz if I'm the girl everyone claims me to be, then diamonds are my best friend.

Someone please figure out a way for me to leave work between 1:30-2:30 today without getting caught so I can go scream like a girl at a downtown HMV...cuz i'm stumped.

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 9:44 AM .


Monday, August 15, 2005

Practical advice practically free  

This little journal of mine (I'm gonna let it shine) isn't known for its useful tidbits, or even being useful in any way. In fact, if I had a nickle for every time someone came up to me and slapped me in the face because of my blog, well I would have enough nickles to waste my time on something as ridiculous as this:



See what I mean? You just wasted a good minute of your life reading that first paragraph. And wasted another 10 minutes trying to stack your own coins, only to fail miserably.

That's exactly what my blog does. It FRUSTRATES. Not just you, but it hits me too, especially when you lose a whole post because Internet Explorer decides it wants to not respond. Thank you Microsoft for making an inferior "Micro-software" which requires so many fixes, with more than half of the fixes actually fixing the problem the last fix caused. Must...resist...urge...to digress.

So how does this blog frustrate you? Well simply put, I have put forth a post early in the morning, everyday I have worked at Rogers this summer, creating a prescedence that even I cannot deliver on. And when I don't deliver, I get bombarded by emails such as the following:

K - "Where's Ehron?" - 9:59am
A - "Yeah, where is Ehron on this stupendous sparkler of a Monday morning?" - enjoys using big words to feel superior
K - "OMG WEHRE IS EHRON!!!!! AHHHHHH" - panicking because his life revolves around me
A - "Maybe something in his ante meridiem occured" - if you mean to say morning, SAY MORNING....ante meridiem...ha
K - "I've called him like uh" (counting fingers) "7, no 8 times!" - how thoughtful
M - (pulls out a calculator) "that would be five" - stated confidently at a volume equivalent to a rock concert
K - "I see brain surgery has not increased your command of numbers" - them dry beans
M - "Hey, why don't you take this big STFU orange and stuff it in your mouth." - ...
K - *insert burn here
M - *insert counter-burn here
A - *insert plea for everyone to be nice
K AND M - *insert multiple burns on A here with cheapshots at each other mixed in

Okay, so maybe I made the whole thing up, besides the first message which is accounted for in my inbox. You want the truth? You can't handle the truth. That's why I have to make this stuff up.

Sorry couldn't resist the urge to herba...digress. My helpful little advice for all today is to make sure your alarm clock is set back to normal when you go to bed on a Sunday night. Otherwise, you wake up from a nice night of sleep only to realize it was nice because you got an extra HOUR and you are officially late. Congratulations, you win the honor of staying downtown til 5:30 today. And all your friends win the chance to dream about what kind of pit you have fallen into (maybe one with sharp sticks sticking out of the ground pointing upwards...oh please let it be that one)

Amount of time wasted on this post by me: 1hour and 5 minutes. Did I mention how Bill Gates is now on my list of "People I insist on seeing in their graves before I grace my own".

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 11:13 AM .


Friday, August 12, 2005

a job well done  

Because if you're gonna do something, you might as well do it right. Or its just massive overkill, sorta similar to when I slap the n64 controller out of your hand while playing goldeneye so that I can pump your dead corpse full of ammo so that when you re-spawn, your whole body is painted red. It's just a very nice touch. Wait, back to my point.

Now I'm not one to judge (nor am I two to judge). But to all those movie-makers out there creating these "sci-fi" movies involving robots, please keep your scripts to yourselves. Pretty please? Fine. If you won't them I'm gonna give away your little secret.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, today I will give you the template for making a sci-fi film with robots in them. I will expose these writers for the frauds they are. Their re-packaging of the same film over and over again will be tolerated NO MORE!

Here we go!

Scene 1 - The back story on how the robot/robots were created, and how they are an integral part of society or how they WILL be such a benefit to the world as we know.
Scene 2 - Robots and humans getting along together.
Scene 3 - *Insert your random love story scene here*
Scene 4 - Robot/Robots turn rogue, and start obliterating everything in their path.
Scene 5 - A gathering of humans to express their surprise at this turn of events.
Scene 6 - *Important person dies, hopefully somewhat like how Morgan Freeman dies in the "deep blue sea", cuz that was AWESOME*
Scene 7 - Humans figure out a way to turn off the robots because of the ONE weakness they have.
Scene 8 - *Generic Ben Affleck cameo made here, because Ben is in every bad flick*
*Everybody in the theatre is either fast asleep or is cussing profusely at this point*
Scene 9 - Humans vow to go on without robots. Until the next crappy robot movie is made.

And there you have it. Feel free to make your own robot movie, just expect me to crap all over it when it makes to Hollywood. Like Stealth. I wonder which 10-year old girl made thought that movie up. Oh who am I kidding, it was Ben Affleck wasn't it.

Ben look, you tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

END CRAPPY MOVIE RANT

Because its Friday and I feel like rambling even more, well I will just...rambo i mean ramble on.

I wonder how many times the poor Chariots have heard that catchy Gavin DeGraw song so conveniently named "Chariots" sung to them as a form of a cheer. Oh well, serves them right for picking that name! They better expect one more horrible rendition from my team tomorrow! Thank goodness nobody knows any "The Vines" music. Honest opinions now people, if I handed out ONE grape to everybody on the opposing team, would they be insulted and throw it right back at me?

My iPod batteries are dead. I have no idea what song I should post up to get stuck in your head. But I must deliver on my obligatory music reference or else some poor soul will be losing sleep trying to figure out where the music allusion was in this post. I'll figure something out.

The Leafs signed Eric Lindros. The Leafs also previously signed Jason Allison. Put the amount of games these concussion prone players will play this season and we will ALMOST have one center! WOO! They're blue, da-bu-dee-da-bu-die-da-bu-dee-da-bu-die.

BREAKING NEWS!
Ben Affleck just hired a private detective to go FIND HIS CAREER.

Idiot of the day not named Ben: K-Rod!

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 9:29 AM .


Thursday, August 11, 2005

Destiny REALLY? fulfilled  

Destiny's Child. 3 Bootylicious chicks that just might make me Bug-a-Boo. Survivors of the Y2K (can't say the same about other groups formerly known as lfo, b44 etc). Soldiers for the Independant Women Association. Paid a lot of bills-bills-bills with the ridiculous amounts of CD sales. In fact, if I ever got to be as rich as Destiny's Child, I'd buy non-disposable *insert your non-disposable item here*, and throw it away just for kicks. Or I'd have a 4-foot high brick wall around my property. It would serve no purpose other than keeping a short person from being able to conveniently see my lawn. "You will never know what type of grass we have growing in here! Not unless you jump a little bit, at least, or maybe stand on a chair or something. And, yes, causing you that tiny bit of frustration is completely worth the $20,000 cost of construction."

But I digress. I salute you Beyonce's grou..errr Destiny's Child, and the crazy amount of hits you have released.

*raises my cup, then takes a sip of Tim Hortins French Vanilla cappucino*

May I take this time to promote the glorious wonders of Timmy's FV cap. Rich, creamy and smooth all the way down your throat, this drink is worth every penny that I pay.

So you can imagine how dismayed I was to have almost spit out this hot cappucino all over my computer monitor when their new song "Cater 2 U" came on my iPod today. In fact, just because it would've made a better story on my blog, I contemplated spitting FVcap all over my fellow summer student. But because he is not in yet, the blog story must suffer.

The same girls that sang "Independant Woman" and "Survivor", pushing the woman's movement forward then turn around to sing such lyrics as "Let Me Help You Take Off Your Shoes, Untie You Shoestrings". Talk about taking one step forward then a bajillion steps back. And then further on, "Let Me Feed You, Let Me Run Your Bathwater" and finally "I'll Brush Your Hair". At that point, I definitely felt like they made this song for DOGS. You'll BRUSH MY HAIR?! Honestly, who does that! Brush your own hair! Guys don't brush their hair, we comb it! And what is this? Are you making fun of my receeding hair-line?

*I calm down as I realize this song was not directed directly at me*

But that wasn't what made me contemplate burning the face off of the other summer student with my hot drink. I think I remember the distinct moment...right, when Michelle (aka the "OTHER ONE") somehow weaseled her way into a full verse. I don't get it. Being the glorified backup singer she is, oohs and aahs and tra-la-las and doo-wops would've sufficed. Her raspy voice completely ruins the mood of the song. Despite the lyrics, Beyonce and Kelly were catering to my sound buds before you RUINED IT MICHELLE.

Maybe this rumored breakup of Destiny's Child is just a cheap ploy to kick Michelle out of the group. And if it is, I'll be the first to raise my glass and give a toast to the PR geniouses that finally decided enough of Michelle is enough. Good grief. Wait, that doesn't make sense. How can grief be good? At least in the moment, it won't feel good. Stupid Charlie Brown. You'd think that after 200 or so comic strips of him attempting to kick a football that he'd kick the football. But no. And I'm wayyyy off topic again.

To the PR geniouses!

*raises my cup, then takes a sip of Tim Hortins French Vanilla cappucino*

*spits out*

Coffee cold...bad. Doesn't matter, anything I taste now will pale in comparison to how I imagine this green tea nestea will taste (THX GIRLSAM). Now see, hooking me up with green tea nestea is definitely how you get a "shout-out" on a post. Take notes everybody. Free stuff make buttug write your name down in post! It's amazing how this world works. Scratch my back, I'll electronically scratch yours!

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 9:01 AM .


Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Get your cameras out  

Yesterday someone requested they be "shouted-out" on my blog because it was their birthday. Here at the buttugnoraa's, we do not do shoutouts. In fact if you were to see your name on my blog, you must either have been quite an idiot (done sth that made me exclaim OMGWTFBBQ or me ending up with a 6pack from laughing) or I just have one sick vendetta. So while I explained nicely to this person that "I'd consider", the only things going through my mind were:

Uh-uh.
No way, Jose.
No chance, Lance.
No dice, Condoleeza Rice.
Hell "Opposite of Heaven" no, bro.
Don't think so, yo.
Absolutely not, Dot.
When pigs fly, guy.
You wish, Mish.
You’d have a better chance of seeing the Chicago Cubs beating the Boston Red Sox in the 1987 Superbowl with a last second layup by Tie Domi than ever seeing this occur, sir.
(and my personal favorite...in a guy falling off cliff style)
*deep breath, eyes starting at the ceiling then proceeding downwards to the floor* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ...... splat

There just aint no love in the heart of the city. Where is the love!? But as usual, I need to keep everyone on their toes. And right now, there is nothing like turning 180 on my previous posting habits and being nice.

*Disclaimer - I REALLY am actually going to be nice. Promise. I will pause for pictures, and take your questions after this momentous occasion.

Mike, this is for you

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 10:30 AM .


Tuesday, August 09, 2005

the winning combination  

The only way that I like a song made by either Bow Wow (artist formerly known as Lil' Bow Wow) or Ciara (artist that was formerly very pudgy) is if they feature somebody else prominently in their song.

Now you put them together in one song? That equals "I can't stop singing this song". It's driving me a little crazy because I tend to laugh everytime I think about these two artists. And if I drank milk, which I don't, some would be coming out of my nose. Seriously! When did Ciara develop a voice!? She needs to move away from this crunk & b thing, and I'm going out on a limb here, because she has some talent! Or at least some geniouses were able to fiddle enough with one of those high-priced sound changers to make her sound so decent.

So maybe that's what we need to do. Pair up all the jokers and idiots in this world in a blatant attempt to use their mediocrity to cancel each other out.

Today's idiot: Christina Ricci: "I definitely want children, ideally after I'm married, but you can't control everything". - sometime recently.

Today's bonus idiot: Ben Affleck: "I don't know about Daredevil 2. That may be too much work for me. I don't have any idea. I suppose that if Kevin Smith wrote it and was going to be involved, I would do it. But I'm not banging down the door trying to get Daredevil 2 made. You'll know when my career is really on the slide when I start resurrecting the franchise." - Tuesday December the 9th, 2003.

(In non-related news, Daredevil 2 is now projected for a 2006 release. Jennifer Garner, the carrier of Ben's baby, has been rumored to co-star...WHY JENNIFER WHY, did you hear about Gigli? Or about how anything/anyone Ben is associated with somehow internally combusts?)

A movie involving both Christina Ricci & Ben Affleck = Me demanding 3 hours of my life back before I get thrown out of the theatre for demanding too loudly and repeatedly.

I stand corrected, only certain combinations will work. Or is it permutations? And more importantly, does any one care?

And if you add sin+sin+cosine+sin+3 point 1 4 1 5 9... does that equal "the vines"?

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 9:37 AM .


Monday, August 08, 2005

feminine word of the day  

Are you ready for it?
I'm almost gonna guarantee that you're gonna lol/rofl/lmao/hmfottciwtbl (hit my face on the table cuz I was too busy laughing)

....

here it comes

...

OVARIES!

I couldn't even type it with a straight face! Whether it's imagining Ralph Wiggum exclaim "ohhhhh my ovaries", or remembering how I had to painstakingly figure out a way to act out this word during a game of charades, there's just something about that word.

Well yesterday, I felt like I got kicked in the ovaries. Of course I don't have ovaries, but I imagine it to be similar to the deep gut-striking pain that came over me as I watched my softball team get mercilessly mauled by a team that had us beat while we watched them during warmups.

And I finally realized one thing that was cheaper in Kingston in comparison to Toronto. And NO, its not me. It's PHO!

Holy cow I need coffee. Where's a "Luke's Diner" when you need one.

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 9:48 AM .


Friday, August 05, 2005

Why I'm Angry  

1. When you know things need to be done, but the ball doesn't seem to want to start rolling. Or better yet, the ball starts rolling, but backwards, and you end up having to pull an Indian Jones and duck into a random alcove or risk having the ball squash you.

2. My throat feels like sand. I had to shoulder the load of yelling out random phrases at people during practice yesterday. I need fellow hecklers.

3. None of THESE have worked for me.

4. Death.

5. Kwan is gay.

But in an effort to be happier, and because Kwan seems to like my angry posts, and if there's on thing my blog should be doing, it is pissing Kwan off, I must quickly switch it up and be happy.

Have you ever noticed the amount of friend's first names used in my posts? I write under the assumption that the amount of first names mentioned in any particular blog post is proportional to how bad my post will suck.

Speaking of assumptions, I should never assume. Cuz you become a donkey, I become a donkey, and then no matter WHAT i say, no matter HOW TERRIBLE my puns are, u'd hafta laugh because as a donkey, you'd be able to mutter "heehaw"...which is close enough to a laugh for me.

The Leafs finally decided they needed to put their foot down and keep Tie Domi. Because he is that important of a piece to the jigsaw puzzle. I think when the Leafs finally get their jigsaw puzzle together, it'll say "SORRY TRY AGAIN, LOSERS"

think happy thoughts. think happy thoughts.
*humming The Killers - Mr. Brightside*
*now singing out loud "Coming out of my cage
And I've been doing just fine
Gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all "

oh this made me happy:
Read Number 3
That's right boys and girls, I'm officially a beast. Call me Godzilla k thx. rawr.

holy smoking-fiddlesticks batman! i DO sound like you mike. Oh shoot son, two first names in one post. Please don't smash me up, I really do prefer compliments, so I compliment at an angle of 90 degrees.

Edit

Apparantly today is bring your baby to work day. I was not informed. Or else I would've brought Kwan into work with me OH BURN YOUR FACE.

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 9:40 AM .


Thursday, August 04, 2005

Timed-Out  

I was watching millionaire last night, and buddy had just finished toughing out quite a string of questions and was up to 500,000 going for the big cheese when that STUPID SOUND, which I thought was a clown car horn, sounded, thus signifying that he'd hafta wait for the next show before they ask him the question. In conclusion, I spent half an hour of my time watching a show with NO PAYOFF.

Why didn't the brilliant editors of the show trim some of the other fat in order to fit in the next question! He was ON A ROLL. You don't do that to a guy. Oh I get it, the show doesn't want the guy to win. Greedy corporate America jerks. Yet another example of the little guy getting trampled on.

Flyers sign Forsberg. My heart just broke...when I accidentally ran face-first into the wall while throwing the biggest hissyfit I've thrown this year due to the fact that all the good players have decided to turn their backs to my beloved hockey team.

And the Leafs still suck.

So THIS is what happens when Monday is a holiday (which is generally a great day...unless you went on a vacation to Hell, Norway...cuz then you've been to Hell and back). Your "day-that-screws-you-over-in-so-many-different-and-creative-ways" gets pushed back to another day.

I can only wonder at what is going to happen next. Maybe the Energizer Bunny Rabbit will be arrested for Battery. Chappelle Show may be cancelled for good. Maybe I will snap at somebody that asks me a remotely idiodic question. Maybe I SHOULD snap at somebody that asks me a remotely idiodic question cuz that would certainly look good on my blog. Or maybe I'll just sit here and bathe in my seething furious-ness, huffing and puffing and all.

Oh I know, my computer will be pissy this morning and send out an error message (which is the equivalent of it spitting on me) everytime I attempt to do anything. You wanna check your email? Well there's nothing to check cuz I just deleted your whole mailbox...no...account! Wanna hit the spacebar? I've learned to tune out the spacebar, so NO SPACE FOR YOU! Wanna hit alt-tab so that your boss won't catch you blogging?! I'll lag just enough that your boss will question what she just saw on your screen!

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 9:02 AM .


Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Second-Rate Cup  

I intentionally let one subway pass me by today so I could get on a less crowded one and hopefully find a seat cuz I'm tired. I didn't end up getting a seat. That also set me back 5 minutes. So walking by second cup, I decided to make myself feel better by getting a two dollar fruizzi.

Except, the deal wasn't on anymore. Apparantly it was only for the month of July. So what is the deal for this month I asked? ... Ice Blended Hot Chocolate.
Ice blended hot chocolate almost sounds oxymoronic to me. How can you have HOT CHOCOLATE COLD? And better yet, WHO in their right mind buys this stuff?

You think you're so cool with your ice-blended hot chocolate? News flash! You aren't. If you want to be cool, go work in an ice factory.

Thank you second cup for ruining my day. At the very least, I have an extra two dollars which can now be classified as "savings". Even if I intend to march down to Tim Hortins after this post and buy myself something chocolate-y. I guess I'm not much of a money-saver. I guess it's okay cuz:

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 11:07 AM .


Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Excursion to Michigan  

Just before setting out, I had to make a quick run to Loblaws for bottled water. In my haste, I made the mistake of thinking self-checkout would be faster because there was no line. You know what's frustrating? Math. You know what else is frustrating? Self-checkouts. After several attempts to scan it, frozen bacon inexplicably is found leaving your hand and traveling across the supermarket at a rate that disproves both Einstein’s theory of relativity, and Murphy’s theory that pigs can’t fly. That package then naturally strikes the forehead of the person holding up the line in register 10. Natural selection at work.

Mackinac Island - One in every two shops on this island is a fudge shop. Every other shop pretty much sells the same touristy items, t-shirts and the whatnots. Only one fudge shop offered free samples. Naturally, I selected that shop to frequent as:
1. Me
2. Me with sunglasses
3. Me making my little sister go in front as a "shield"
4. Me while the lady manning the store was dealing with other customers
5. Me while the lady manning the store had her back turned

Family Restaurant In "Little Germany" - The kids in our group always get a separate table from the parents. Because they are so ashamed of us. And because having a table of 17 is not always feasible. We also got a separate waiter at this particular restaurant, Mike, who we ended up befriending. We walked away from that restaurant with two spice jars from the kitchen, and discount coupons. Not to be outdone, us kids put together this impressive package consisting of a TTC subway student ticket, a Macs discount card which expires today, an impressive little "Ode To Mike" written on the restaurant comment card, and Canadian Tire money, with the "tire" scratched out ... in a feeble attempt to convince Mike that it was Canadian currency.

White Castle - After several mishaps, including a stop at a White Castle OFFICE, I made it to White Castle and, pardon the pun, ate like a king.

Spanky's Cafe - The namer of this family oriented cafe needs to be given a serious spanking (that was too easy).

Spanky's Sports - Nothing to do with food, but seriously now, WHO IS NAMING THESE STORES. Heads need to roll.

I want Schnitzel. If you're bored try this. Replace any random word with Schnitzel. And try not to laugh while saying Schnitzel.

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 9:13 AM .