Thursday, September 24, 2009
Ask The Audience
Readership! I need your help! I got in an argument today about a particular song. It's a very familiar song, but don't skip over the lyrics! Give it a good read, and tell me what your impressions are.
That's all I'm going to say, because any question I ask would be a leading question. But if you really want to know what the argument is...highlight below...
Is this song dirty or not dirty?
Colbie Caillat - Bubbly
I've been awake for a while now
you've got me feelin like a child now
cause every time I see your bubbly face
I get the tinglies in a silly place
It starts in my toes
and I crinkle my nose
where ever it goes I always know
that you make me smile
please stay for a while now
just take your time
where ever you go
The rain is fallin on my window pane
but we are hidin in a safer place
under covers stayin dry *(safe) and warm
you give me feelins that I adore
It starts in my toes
make me crinkle my nose
where ever it goes
I always know
that you make me smile
please stay for a while now
just take your time
where ever you go
What am I gonna say
when you make me feel this way
I just........mmmmmm
It starts in my toes
make me crinkle my nose
where ever it goes
i always know
that you make me smile
please stay for a while now
just take your time
where ever you go
I've been asleep for a while now
You tucked me in just like a child now
Cause every time you hold me in your arms
I'm comfortable enough to feel your warmth
It starts in my soul
And I lose all control
When you kiss my nose
The feelin shows
Cause you make me smile
Baby just take your time now
Holdin me tight
Thursday, September 03, 2009
Stem Prong House Foam
The past few months, I've been sitting in the back of the office with the back door open. Sometimes, it almost feels like I'm working outside. I can hear the rumble of the subway, the zooming of cars and the silence of the lambs inevitable parking lot arguments. It's all become white noise to me. However, this morning, I found out the Canadian National Air Show is in town when one of the planes rumbled overhead and my coworker ducked for cover.
I probably would've ducked too, but this happened pre-morning-coffee, so I wasn't as alert. Instead, I just sat there very amused by my panic-stricken coworker.
I want to give you an update on my running/exercise-routine. This would make it the second post in a row regarding this topic, as if I'm writing a running diary about running.
I know, you didn't see that coming at all. Thank you, thank you, thank you, you're far too kind. Hold your applause, this is your song not mine.
I no longer walk-of-shame my way home; I can now go twice around my cute circuit. See, all it took was a little blog motivation. But you know, once I get to 2.5 circuits, I'll be right back here whining and complaining. And once more, you, my dedicated readers, will have to toss compliments my way to keep me going.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Millionaire Flashlight Spine
Mixing Music Makes Me Mad
I thought staring at SAP all day was bad, but staring at audio waves is definitely worse. It only accentuates the repetitiveness of today's "hit" music.
Transition.
I jog lightly from time to time. My route has been labeled "cute", as in "awww it's as small as a baby, I just want to pinch its' cheeks". Whatever. Google maps informs me that this cute circuit of mine totals 1.8k. I'm consistently able to do 1.5 times my route...
...and none of the numbers really matter, except the extra "half" that's missing. Yup, my walk-of-shame back home.
I probably should expand my route instead of doing 1.5 times my current one...but you know.
Annnnnnnd cut.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Orb Tree Haunted House
Any spare time I get from breaking hearts* I use towards breaking internet-paradigms.
For example, I want to write a full short story...via twitter posts.
When I get hungry, I go to ThisIsWhyYoureFat for ideas.
I'm gonna go on Facebook, create a photo album titled "Summer 2009", and fill it with pictures of snow, snowmen, icicles, and Christmas trees.
I peruse the NYTimes for their cartoons, but rely on Jon Stewart's Daily Show for news.
*C'mon, that line was so far from the truth, it was a little funny, right?
Do I Need A New Template?
Is it true that if I'm to spectacularly relaunch my blogging career, it should be accompanied by an equally spectacular redesign?
Doesn't matter, I'm not here to do either. I really only came here for the therapeutic reasons, but I stay for the company.
(awwww shucks, I am talking about you!)
I don't think the importance of learning is stressed enough. Just in the few summer months, I've learned how to fold paper stars, I've learned how to play golf and I've learned a little more about money management. Yet, I still find I don't spend time learning about myself.
I mean, really, the only thing I think I've learned about myself is that I'm unwilling to give up on this blog, even as it's circling the drain of death.
I know "learn things" used to be one of my favorite slogans here at Seriously Stupefying Stupidity, but I think "learn 3P things" would be an updated version of that statement I want to use moving forward.
1P - Practical
2P - Personal
3P - Philosophical
That was in no particular order, by the way.
(maybe this blog ain't dead, but the humor sure is, right, right? ahh whatever, my jokes come and go, and there are a certain few people that pretty much laugh at anything I say...so I'll use their laughter as fuel for now)
Thursday, August 06, 2009
It's About That Time Again
You know, when I mosey on in here, write something relatively uninspired, or if it is inspired, then it's about two characters long.
And I'm not talking about the latest Black Eyed Peas' offerings either. HEY-OH!
That was dumb.
With nothing having actually been said, I can't really digress unless you count me digressing from the get-go, but then again I'm not sure I ever got going in the first place, you dig?
You no dig.
Google Wave. The new definition of amazing.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Google Latitude
I'm not too keen on stalker tools. Let me take that back. I like taking them for a test drive, (see Facebook 2003-2004ish), then I get out of there faster than Eminem at the MTV Music awards.
It took me about 10 minutes to think of that analogy. Pop culture is no longer my forte, and I'm very okay with that.
But it's true that as humans, we tend to hide portions of our life. Keepin' it in the dark, instead of keepin' it real. You know?
You no know?
Oh.
Back to my point.
If you turned on an application like Google Latitude, and then went on with your life, would you be ashamed to show your friends/family/anybody?
If yes, then what are you going to do about it?
If no, are you sure?
(I know that in a fallen world, even if you are able to live the impossible (the perfect life), you'd probably still be questioned because we humans have the ability to twist everything...but that's not the point, so don't think about it that way, thanks)
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Pirates of the Caribou
That title has nothing to do with the price of McDonalds in Mombasa.
Who knew that in the year 2009, the fight against piracy would be a fight against old-school piracy?
Moreover, does this mean I have to learn Somali to participate in this year's Talk Like A Pirate Day?
Lastly, how cool would a Pirate-themed reality show be? Hey, don't judge so quick. Let the idea simmer for a while..
..I know, right?!!
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
Easter Egg Shells
Yesterday, my company hosted an Easter egg hunt at the office. While I'd like to think that I'm progressing in life, at least in terms of age, my inner-child keeps attempting a massive comeback, complete with a reunion special with celebrity guest hosts and other obligatory fanfare.
Today during lunch, one of my co-workers left a hardboiled egg unattended while microwaving the rest of her lunch. I found a highlighter and proceeded to turn the hardboiled egg into the best Easter egg my creativity could muster (I, I mean, my inner-child, coated half of it yellow, and I declared it a creative victory).
After half an hour of pointing fingers, confusion, fake-anger and other office hilarities that accompany a practical joke, it was time to move on, finish up lunch and get back to work (no pun intended..!).
Not so fast.
The highlighter seeped through the shell and transformed the egg into a nuclear-looking nugget. I inner-kid you not. Practical joke gone bad. Literally. Egg on my face. Non-literally.
I made up for it. I convinced the nice mom and pop shop next door to boil an egg for me. It cost me a buck. To this hour, I still think it was worth it.
Anyways, none of the above has anything to do with what I wanted to say.
I'm debating whether or not I should go get an MRI. I think it's really important to see if I have...
...claustrophobia.
Brutal huh? I'm leaving now.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Another Case Of...The More You Know
According to my reputed source, Japanese people do not pronounce the letter 'r' like we do. Instead, they sound it as if an 'l' were in its place.
What does this mean?
Japanese people LOLL UP THE RIM (err...LIM) TO WIN!
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
The Case of the Forgotten Shampoo
Tonight during my daily (because anything less would be uncivilized) shower, I forgot if I had already shampooed and washed my hair.
Hands down, the dumbest I felt all day. Now, please excuse me while I converse with myself for a minute. You don't have to stay for this. But if you do, try not to butt in mmkay thanks?
*Side-Conversation*
Self.
"Yes?"
Don't make me hit you with my pocketbook.
"But you, or should I say, we, don't have a pocketbook."
Fine, force me to point out the obvious Jennifer Hudson reference.
"What, you think you're so aawesome, sprinkling little tidbits of pop culture here and there?"
Yep.
"Me too."
Good talk.
*End Side-Conversation*
Monday, February 23, 2009
He's Just Not That Into You
If I ever get on a game-show where I have to choose either door/suitcase/mystery-thing number 1, 2 or 3, I'd say something ridiculous to the host like, "Bob, my lucky number happens to be 13, and then I subtract the number of guitar strings I've snapped, about 11, which I then add 4 to because there are 4 letters in the word 'cool' and I'm definitely cool, then you divide those 6 by 2 because of the spontaneous process known as cell division, times that by Pharrell ft. Kanye West 'Number One', add the number of chicken wings I ate tonight, 25, divide that all by two because those technically were half chicken wings, subtract the number of awards Jonas Brothers have won, 28, according to Wikipedia, the most accurate and insightful encyclopedia ever, add my lucky number again, and then multiply by -1 because I like my numbers like I like my friends (REAL), that leaves me with number one."
(That wasn't what I came here to post about)
You know that saying, "fun in the sun"? Well, driving west while the sun is setting is totally NOT fun in the sun. You can't see any of the road signs/traffic lights, and the lane delimiters turn on their invisibility mode.
(Still not what I wanted to post...but it's coming up, so *MINOR SPOILER ALERT*)
So. The movie.
Looking back, if I kept a live-blog of the movie, I think it would've been hilarious. But then again, I'm really the only one that thinks I'm funny, so it might've turned out sad. We'll never know.
Being that it was a chick flick, there were the "awww" moments, there were the "oh no, that's stupid, please don't do that" moments, and there were the "please, real life doesn't work like this" moments. However, I think overriding all these moments, at least from my perspective, is that I left with a feeling of "Huh! Good for him/her/them". There were the happy endings, and there were the moving-on-with-the-rest-of-their-life endings, which is becoming increasingly popular and is fine by me because a lot of times, LIFE IS LIKE a box of chocolates THAT.
I don't think this particular movie overdid it on the unrealistic romance, nor were there any so-over-the-top-creative-your-future-wife-will-only-be-disappointed-because-you-couldn't-pull-something-like-that-off wedding proposals. I remember Jennifer Aniston looking stunning, by the way, bless her poor soul for having been set up like that at the Oscars (I didn't watch, but I heard about it after), but for one scene, she was wearing a terrible pair of glasses.
I should probably warn you, Seesun (because you might end up being the only person that ever reads this...my blog has become a desert wasteland), that if you like this James Morrison song, it is ruined forever by this movie. Forever. If you want to listen to that song again thinking happy thoughts, you can't see this movie. Mmkay? Moving on.
Rihanna, it SHOULD go without saying that HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU, and it's not simply a cultural thing, it's not something you should put up with. (Watch this video.)
This movie also employed the "small stories tied together by common characters" strategy. Like how you could be dating a co-worker that is your best friend's sister's therapist's brother. I kept expecting the stories to cross-talk and affect one another, but it didn't happen. Kudos to the movie people for faking me out there. It doesn't happen often. In fact, I haven't forgiven them for that yet.
I appreciated the attempt to accurately portray people's various approaches to relationships in general. Then again, I'm not going to the movies to learn life lessons (even though I really hope I'm not that guy). I'm going to study the Bible for that. Ruth and Boaz. That's right.
What else. What else.
Freida Pinto's husband, if she's not calling you, she's JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU.
The Mac guy, playing a mack. Sorta. But it doesn't matter. Having a role in Die Hard 4 didn't matter. He's forever the Mac guy. Even when he's 50 and Mac's and Starbucks have fused to become Appstar (I'm not feeling particularly clever today), he's still going to be the Mac guy. I hope he's okay with that. Forever.
Terry Porter, the Phoenix Suns were just NOT THAT INTO YOUr coaching style.
I'm debating if Christopher Walken would've made this a better movie. Nah....although...haha
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Dared if I Do, Dared if I Don't
You know, in all my years of typing out things and pressing "post", I don't ever remember being dared to write. Sure, I've been given suggestions, been encouraged, and more often than not, been mocked, but never dared.
Until now.
And as I thought about it, I realized that no one topic was really off-limits for me. To talk about that is. I mean, I know some things are better left unsaid, some things are better said in person, and something's gotta give. The movie. But not that movie.
What I've been dared to write about is something stereotypically left for the women of this world to write about. And from that gross over-generalization, I'd break it down into two groups; one group that will gush on-and-on about said topic, and the other group that will hate till the cows come home for a whole spectrum of reasons.
Where am I going with this.
I will review the movie, He's Just Not That Into You.
(Do yourself a favor and go watch the trailer AND the bit about the cliches not found in the movie).
Wait. What? McOysty is going to review a movie? He doesn't do that, does he? I mean, I know he's written a humorous review of a Hilary Duff album, but a 'chick flick'? Does this mean he watched it? And liked it? Did he watch it before or after being dared to write a review? Did he go by himself? Is life really good? Who is this teacher that keeps sending me parenting emails from California? Does my car really need to have it's oil changed at 9am tomorrow morning? How much work should one expect to do on their last week on a client project? Can somebody hook me up with a TTC metropass for the month of March? Why do birds suddenly appear? What's a good 1am snack?
All that, and much less, will be answered in the next post. So sit back, relax, but not too much, because you'll want to be here when it hits the internets. It's going to be legend...
...ARY. Legendary. Exclamation mark.
On second thought, I might be hyping this post a little much, to the point where my writing abilities probably won't back me up. Now, I don't want this to be the biggest letdown since finding out about Chris Brown, so you know, just swing by about a week from now, you know, on your own time. Whatever.
Monday, February 09, 2009
T.I., What Say You?
Adversity builds character. Character can take you places money can't.
Alright, I'm with ya. Hear hear!
Your values is a disarray, prioritizin' horribly; unhappy with the riches cuz you piss poor morally; ignorin' all prior advice and forewarnin' and we mighty full of ourselves all of a sudden, aren't we?
So he doesn't like ending words with the letter G, but are we really gonna hold that against him? If you are, you'll have to lock me away too, I just used 'gonna' instead of 'going to'.
And one blurb that has nothing to do with any of the above, and it's not a T.I. quote.
I like to use an economics and finance term to describe the waste of time; the term is switching cost. Switching cost usually refers to the cost and time and money of switching from one provider to another. In the case of multitasking, people feel that they are doing multiple things at the same time, but they are not. The brain is incapable of focusing on multiple tasks at the same time. When people attempt to multitask, what they are really doing is switching rapidly back and forth between tasks. Because of this, I prefer to refer to multitasking as switchtasking. It is because of these switches that people lose time in the switching cost. In this way, switchtasking causes us to be exponentially less productive. - D.C. (but this man hooked me up, so I'ma (<-- that's not a typo, that's how I say it) cite him too)
Boom. Headshot. Live your life, folks, live your life.
Saturday, February 07, 2009
How Not To Handle Your Accounts
I went to deposit some funds into my brand new shiny TFSA.
*Sidenote* - Mc Hammer's 'U Can't Touch This' but instead of 'touch', substitute the word 'tax'. Hit single, right? *End Sidenote*
I wanted to get an access card so I wouldn't have to provide ID everytime (it's basically a debit card). Now, I have had prior dealings with this particular bank, so the process was supposed to be quite simple.
Teller - Can I see two pieces of ID?
McOysty - Sure thing. *Produces a driver's license and credit card*
Teller - Oh...not this credit card. Would you happen to have the one you used in your previous dealings with us?
Hold on to something, you're about to travel through time.
McOysty - Hi credit card company, I'd like to cancel this credit card.
Teller - No problem! I'll do that for you right now. Would you like to open up a new account?
McOysty - Nope. I already opened a new one, which is why I don't need this one no mo'.
Teller - Alright! Have a nice day.
McOysty - I think I will.
I then proceed to victoriously cut up the canceled credit card, accompanied by a small victory dance (a little two step).
McOysty - -_- (I really made that face)
Thursday, February 05, 2009
The NBA is Out To Ruin Your Relationship
When I say, "February 14, 2009", do you think of:
or
2. NBA All Star Skills Competition
Your answer to this question could determine the fate of this world.
(my answer is, "February 14th? That's a Saturday isn't it? I love Saturdays. Or the half of Saturday I'm actually awake for. Plus, isn't that two days before Family Day? Pfft, name me a greater holiday-that-celebrates-nothing-because-I-celebrate-family-everyday than Family Day. I think I'm gonna go eat some ice cream now." Sometimes, I have a problem with staying on script.)
Monday, January 26, 2009
That's How We Do
The workplace cafeteria menu for today read, "Chinese New Year". I sat there thinking to myself, "Self, I would've appreciated a day off instead. But maybe they'll have cool dragon dances and hand out red pocket money! And have all you can eat turnip-cake! This could turn out to be a not so bad attempt at being culturally sensitive!"
Then it was time for lunch.
And wouldn't you know.
Chicken balls.
So I basically ate 'Manchu Panda Express Wok' for lunch today, but I'm sure other people actually felt like they were taking part in an authentic Chinese New Year celebration. Poor fools. If only they knew that the real celebration involved trading well-constructed phrases of good-wishes for money.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Fill'er Up
I wrote this yesterday, but I chose to publish it today. Why? I had to take my time and make my readers wait on this one, make my readers all mad and stuff, like, "You usually throw up something on the day you write it, post it already!", and then I come out of nowhere...
I forgot to gas up the car this weekend, and only realized this on the highway on-ramp with about 2 blocks of fuel left. Since the little fuel light hadn't flashed on yet, I was somewhat confident I could at least make it to the gas station outside my house (the most convenient one). Then, I went and did the dumbest thing.
I opted to take the Express lanes home, only to find out that the 401 Express was crawling, and now I didn't even have the option to take a random exit for gas if needed.
Then the little gas light turned on, informing me that I was not only in need of gas, I was also an idiot.
The rest of the way home, I tried my best to conserve gas by doing things that may or may not actually conserve gas, but gave me some peace of mind. I flipped off the radio (driving start-stop traffic without radio is maddening), and I only turned on the heat every ten minutes (to defog the windows and bring my freezing limbs back to life). The best idea I came up with? Put my car in neutral, and let it roll down any natural incline instead of giving the car any gas.
Brilliant, amirite?
Thursday, January 15, 2009
You Can Call Me Mario
Because I live in the mushroom kingdom.
Let me explain.
Rushing in from the "deep freeze", my sense of smell (my smelling buds) was overwhelmed by an aroma I had never before experienced. It was not outright pleasant, but after a tiny adjustment period, I found myself breathing deeply.
Doing my best impression of Leroy Brown, I rightly concluded that the smell was burnt mushrooms (yeah I asked my mom what she did).
I think my mom just facilitated my third-hand smoking of mushrooms. My first semi-encounter with not-real-drugs. How exciting. And revolting.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Kayaking Makes My Shoulders Sore
I usually have about 3 or 4 stories that I plan to convert to blog posts coming back from a trip. Thanks to my ever changing blogging habits, I probably shouldn't go with the tried, QA'd, QC'd, and true "lead with a small story and build towards the biggie" method. Let's just get right to the main event.
I went kayaking...
...through the "river of death".
Which turned out to be more "stream of tight turns, underwater obstacles, and low hanging branches".
I didn't take that picture, because not only was I surrounded by water (water + electronics = go back to school and learn things okay?), in the state of Florida, it's not mandatory to kayak with a life-jacket on! Even if you're going through an area where there are supposedly alligators and snakes. And, before entering that area, you had to cross through a relatively high traffic channel (first time through, level 10, if you're being competitive).
Meaning that even if the camera is safely protected by Ziploc, in the event of a kayak flip-over, the camera would just float away as safety is struggled for. And I wasn't willing to take that risk.
Kayak also satisfied my need to "work out" at least once a year. Check how the generic conversation taking place sometime in 2009 would go down.
Gym Buff - I'm tired from pumping that iron and benching, like, double my weight. But going to the gym is soooo worth it. Could you please open the door? I can't lift my arms right now.
McOysty - Back in January, I paddled a kayak for 2 hours with alligators and snakes swimming beneath me, other boats either trying to run me over or cause big enough waves to tip me over, and branches hanging so low I was directed to duck, all while sipping on a can of beer. Yeah I did. So I think you should open the door for me, seeing as you owe me for imparting that bit of aawesome on you.
Monday, January 05, 2009
You Know You're Not Ready For Work When...
7:40am, running through the checklist before leaving the house...
IBM Laptop? Check.
Employee ID? Check.
Dress shirt? Check.
Dress pants? Check.
Dress shoes? Check.
Fast forward to 8:45am, in the office, making the necessary "how was your holiday" conversations to avoid starting work...
Dress shirt + dress pants + NO BELT = thanks for trying, but really, just go home.
Sunday, January 04, 2009
Me No Know How To Write
I got fans. Internet fans. Maybe not Internet Nerd Fans, but close. And no, you won't really understand that song unless you're this guy, and if you really were that guy, I hope you didn't click on the link to bring you back to your own blog. Haha.
And my internet fans are always like, "Yo, how come you don't blog no mo'?"
Okay, so they're not ALWAYS like that, and they usually don't use "mo'" instead of "more". But they really should. Their point would be that much clearer if they phrased it that way.
I don't know. Something has happened since I stole a piece of framed paper and escaped from Kingston's tenth prison, if you know what I'm saying.
I was talking about Queen's University.
We good? Right, moving on.
I used to pride myself in writing free-flowing blog posts. Not very cleverly crafted posts, but I compensated for this fact by touching on a wide variety of topics in one post. However, somewhere along the line, I lost the ability to connect thoughts. So I started using dotted lines and allowed my thoughts to be disjointed. I know, sounds like a bandage solution right?
It also smells like one too. What?
Now this has bubbled over into not-MTV's the real world. Because I think I have some amount of quick wit, I like to chime in with a well-timed phrase here and there during a conversation to give it new life, or a change of tempo. Recently, I've bungled the words I want to say, sometimes in a very dyslexic manner and other times just not putting much thought into what I'm saying. I've also struggled to convey my thoughts. And I read somewhere that your thoughts don't exist unless you're able to convey them.
Aw shucks. Turns out that author really wrote the same post I'm attempting to write right now, but ten times better. That's my cue to wrap this baby up and put it under the Christmas tree.
What!?!
I cannot resolve to be a more consistent blogger. Life as I know it is a-changing. I'll be around here when I want. Is blogging dead? Is hip-hop dead? Is my cellphone dead? People have been calling but unable to get through even though the phone is just sitting there in front of me, and yes it is switched on.
Where do we go from here? I have a company trip to Florida coming up this week, I'm sure I'll have somethin' to say soon after that.