Hello. You have reached the space some idiot takes a topic of his choice, and rambo's rambles on about it. Actually, he does rambo some topics good too. I mean, how many posts about G-Unit/R Kelly do we have to read about?! PUT THAT STICK DOWN, THE DOG IS DEAD.

Anyways, if you're reading this automated message that pops up (or pops below like the smart pop ups do now) when Buttug is unavailable to update his own crap, then any combination of the following may have happened:

1) He may have been locked in a supermarket, and even though the food was not blocking the door, he decided to eat his way out. He'll be back after the surgical procedures and the sewing up of his belly.

2) Turns out not being allowed to buy cigarettes for kids WAS the law and not just a suggestion. He'll be back in 3-5 years depending on parole.

3) He got stuck in front of a tv. Literally. Somebody must've laced that seat with glue good.

4) George Bush hates Chinese people.

Being his website, I'm gonna be the first, and definitly not the last, to say this, but I'm glad he's gone. How frustratingly irritating is this jerk? "Scientists this, drugs that! Click on link here, and Here, and HERE! My housemates are all jerks (just kidding), Look at me I'm funny, and I'm always right about everything all the time. Gonna make references to James Bond Jr., the logic behind Modus Ponens AND John Locke (not the Lost guy) just so I can seem nostalgic, mathematically rational, and knowledgable about the history of semiotics."

IT'S AN ALTERED VERSION OF THE SAME POST EVERYTIME. In fact, he stays up praying that a "What Power Ranger are You?" quiz comes along just to break up all the monotony. And when he finally gets shut down for good, who's gonna be the one to have their address deleted? That's right, me, the website. Who gets all the sketchy Google hits from people searching for "Buttugly Ciara and BowWow"? ME.

I'm just sayin. Cuz he'll probably be back soon, and probably be writing more of the same random stuff you've been accustomed to, over and over again. So you better be ready for that jelly.

And if he takes too long, I'll come back and update myself. Cuz I pretty much do everything else around here.

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*unwrapping present*

Wow...my very own "54 for that Artificial Intelligence course". I've never wanted one of these, but always imagined what it would be like to get one.

Wait, what's this? It's a double gift! Seems like that mark came with the overly circulated toy "Parents that nag you about your future and your horrible marks"

Well the weather outside is frightful, and all I want to do is be spiteful.

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Regular posting shall resume after Christmas...or New Years or whenever. Til then, I'm gonna be a lazy eye. Til then, I'm out like school.

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So it could screw you over by laying tons of eggs on the road to make it as slippery as a slip-n-slide or those darned slippery noodles in chicken noodle soup, always making it onto my spoon then falling back into the bowl, leaving me with spoonful of soup, and all the noodles clumped together at the bottom of the bowl. I digress.

What The Fugue!? <---- could've cost me $103 dollars. Luckily it didn't because I know da...rned well how to control my mouth

But that fine would've been small considering the price I'd hafta pay for this crime. I nominate this story for dumbest yet most confounding piece of news this year has heard yet.

And...I'm done. This post, exams, Stauffer Library. Everything's over. Sorry to hafta tell you this way Stauffer Library. It was a whirlwind two-week fling, but I just don't forsee a future between us. Oh stop it, no put those wheelie chairs away, I will not be swayed.

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So it's no secret I've been living at the library for the past, give-or-take (I'll take thank you very much), two weeks. And it seems like EVERYONE around me is in varying stages of the flu. Honestly, I wish I could just tell them all to stay home with a quick powerpoint presentation, because everyone loves a nice powerpoint presentation, highlighting these main points:

- You are sick
- You are going to get me sick
- I'm sick of you
- You don't really do anything around here except distract me
- The exit is that-a way
- I'm going to poison you

Yes, I know. It seemed too harsh to me too. Being the brilliant compromiser I am, I have thought up a fool-proof solution. Today, I will be sippin my coffee and pouring over my books, while sending a not-so-subtle message with my brand new (imaginary) T4 Stryker Personal Protection System.

As Michael Buble would sing, "I just want YOU to go home"
Okay, so I remixed it. Boo-hoo.

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TURN OFF YOUR SPEAKERS
Now, go play with the winter snow-globe!

Bored now? Alright, turn on your speakers, and GO PLAY IT AGAIN! Adds a couple new dimensions to the fun. In fact, don't even shake the globe, just watch the little people interact.

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Check out that title. Stuffed with alliterations, rhymes, and even a pun. I guess I was feeling generous today. And usually I leave the title of the post for last because I don't want to waste my incredible wit on a catchy title then have nothing in the actual post itself. That's bait and switch people. Very illegal. Don't want to walk that fine line because my balance has been off lately (heavy on the school....light on everything else except the food)

But this, this just came naturally. Very impulsive. All you need to know is that some "Mel" sent me this pictorial explaining where ice cream comes from. Now, I will never curl up in my bed with a tub of ice cream again. And to think, I spent half a year scooping that stuff into cones for other people. If I ever scooped some ice cream for you, I appologize.

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Yup I knew it all along. I was born a couch potato.

Intelligent Design: The belief that some systems are so complex and advanced they show evidence of having been designed by an almighty Creator.

Proof:

You can look past the structure of Hemoglobin and how its great organization and function allows my brain to receive oxygen. You can even forget the sweeett Apple products available on the open market. This one "set" is more than enough proof for me. Can a brother get an amen?!

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And the forecast for ButtUg today: Death By Meteor. At least thats what it feels like.

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*Earlier this morning*
*me examining the contents of a package (lots of CANDY!) received in the mail*
*housemate walks in*

Housemate: Why do you have a package? OH CRAP. Was it your birthday?
Me: ...yes?
Housemate: I'm sorry that I didn't know.
Me: *mummble mummble* yeah two days ago *mummble mummble*
Housemate: Why don't you ever tell us these things!?! BAH!

Also one of the housemates who wished me happy birthday over the summer with a birthday cake...during my ACTUAL birthday. What a guy.

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Nah, this aint no post about Jay.

Mark this day in your calendar folks. Ten years down the road, look back and go "How did Buttug know all this crap? He was never gifted with prophecy." Well I'll tell you, I wasn't the only one who had enough time to think through all this garbage.

This blog post is co-written by myself, the Most MuthaLovin BibleReadin Gangsterified WriterOfRandomness ThinkerOfThoughtsSoWeird ButtUg, and the still considered Psuedo Housemate, ChocolateLovin IHaveASexyGooseVoice Sue (as in psuedo, cmon...keep up now, got a lot to run through here today. Ahhhh you get it...its quite clever...put your cheque in the mail please and address it to 311 Apt9 thanks).

Ten years down the road, Apple and Starbucks would have realized that world domination was something laying in the middle of their palms, and all they had to do was put their two separate hands together to finally capture this dream that a mighty Brain and a not-so-mighty Pinky never were able to fulfill.

It all starts with the introduction of the "Apple-buck". Where one Apple-buck is the equivalent of 7.42pi American dollars. Because if you use Apple products, you're probably a nerd and would appreciate how "normal people" would squirm when asked to convert their old currency to new currency.

Everytime you decide to waltz into a Starbucks to buy a coffee, and you let the cashier see your Apple product that you are carrying, you get...A FREE APPLE! Why an apple other than the linkage between the company name and the fruit name? Well because ten years down the road, well actually even right now, health will be all the rage. Technically this doesn't make much sense, because the caffeine in the coffee would offset any nutritional value provided by the apple.

But the one thing people are more concerned about than health? IMAGE. I mean picture this. How hip would you be if you bouncin to your very own IPod beats, all the way down the street, clutching a theoretical Mocha LatteChino (there's no such thing...especially not Grunion flavor), while snacking on an apple?

Now this is all fun and good, but wait a second, you said that you weren't prophetic. Where are you comin from Buttug/Sue?

Signs of things to come:
- Chris Martin/Gwyneth Paltrow naming their kid "APPLE". Just you watch, a couple years down the road, they change their last name to "MartinI", and coincidentally, a new drink to be offered at starbucks, the Apple Martini.

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Maybe at the library tomorrow. If there aren't any seats when I get there.

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"Buttug, are you gonna blog about this?"
"No...there's really nothing to blog about here."

These events are occuring in real time...I don't even have time to put up the fancy dancy 24 INTRO SCREEN that I did before.

Right across the street, two firetrucks have pulled up and have effectively limited all passing traffic to one lane. Three, now four, fireman have entered the house. There does not appear to be a fire. Maybe a cat is stuck up an indoor tree.

Two firemen have exited. One pedestrian has slowed down while staring at the events unfolding.

Now I can see nothing. There's a creepy woman at the frontdoor who I assume is talking to the firemen hidden from my field of vision. Haha, funny, I was just studying my neuroscience vision notes.

The two firemen that left the house are discussing something out on the street. Probably talkin about what a horrible pick Kurt Thomas was to their fantasy basketball teams. Oh...they're busting back in!!! WIth oxygen tanks...

Two of my housemates are huddled up against one window along with a special guest. I really need to study. But, the drama, I can't resist the drama.

...

Nothing's happening.

...

Up on the top floor of the building, there's an equally nosy girl clutching a camera trying desperately to get a good shot of the events occuring at the base of her house. Sucker, I got a much better angle. Too bad I gots no camera skils.

What?! Thats it! The firemen are gone! NO EXPLOSION!? All this commotion and no big payoff?! This is horrible script writing. I sure hope this show tanks...

Oh wait, real life. Hello.

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So here we go. Don't have time to post, so I left my blogger logged on someone else's computer so they could post for me...right after I bring you anecdote from the chem professor today.

Biochem Prof Says:"All you have to do is bring the two molecules within close proximity to each other and watch them react! Like Angelina and Brad! It's crazy! And unstable."

And now for the main event. Remember, this isn't me. This post is brought to you by ChoKan

Hahaha that's funny I'm A****. I thought of that myself! I think magic crystal balls are cool.you should think thye're cool too..too bad Alicia hates it..oh well

Alicia loves math and physics

So there was a tomato and then it said to the dog "Hi dog i think that i am a potato" but i'm not a potato so why do i think i am a potato? So the flower started growing on the dog's head and it said hello! And like there are just so many bottles of orange juice and like works is so much so sometimes i like Gladys' man tape thing cuz it's cool and it's from Hong Kong. Mouse pen and daegoos, fat arm rests and green grass make me happy. so one time it was so like thing and so the thing was like thing you know? And so i was like yo! Thing dude!! That was so thing!! So ..yeah..thing..and then she hadta go to thing so i was like oh thing! so i thinged. and then ..there were a lot of things..thing! all the cows are jumping over the angry lamp post.

*Edit...by ButtugMcOysty*
What a great kid! And well if your still not laughing because of the utter confusion, then try this, also courtesy of ChoKan

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Scientists have discovered this "nerve growth factor" that is present in people that have recently fallen in love. After a year, this growth factor has faded so much that there is really no distinction between them and people not in love.

Alright. I'm a horrible scientist, as my Organic Chemistry and Biology labs will prove (ZERO PERCENT YIELD!? HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE!?). But I think I would've extended this little experiment, stretched it out to two years, and then observe.

The rule is that you not only have to get rid of something, you always have to REPLACE that something that you either lost/got rid of. So if the nerve growth factor is gone after a year, by year two, there should be other factors such as the "Hey, shutup I'm watching Alias" factor, or the "I will break your *insert generic item (like a guitar)* if I trip over it again" factor, or the "Pick up your own darned socks" factor, and the ever so popular "Put the seat down after you're done or I'm gonna glue it down" factor.

Again, I'm a horrible scientist. But I'm just sayin.

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This will totally blow your mind...at 1:10AM in the morning.

Actually, I got it now... and yes the time of the post does not match the time I mentioned above...everything is not what it seems....

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*Professor walks to the back of the room and puts on his glasses*
Professor: I can see with these new glasses! This is fantastic!
Student: Are they bifocals?
Professor: No, I'm not quite there yet. Bifocals are for old people.
Student: My mother wears bifocals. *<--- Such an unecessary comment, somebody...take care of this*
Professor: Then your mother is old. *PWNED*
Me: OHHHHHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
*Student sits in silence, I stiffle my laughter*

Addressing my "boring blogs". Hey, if I had time to construct a beautifully written blog with solid points and great examples to back them up, while mixing it all together with some wit and maybe a diagram or two, don't you think I'd be DOING OUR FRIGGIN ASSIGNMENT DUE FRIDAY DEREK!?

Why are people in general so cynical?! Take this question however you want, rhetorical or not. I'm not saying we should fly through life like we're sky high, but it's almost as if we enjoy trudging along in the gutters. With God as my foundation and God's incredible amount of grace, I feel like I can take anything this world throws at me. Except maybe an elephant. I don't think I'd be able to catch an elephant.

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I had a dream the other night that I was watching hockey games, and this one goalie on my fantasy hockey team got two straight shutouts in a row. That was it. No ice cream. No new episodes of Scrubs. Just me watching the Avs for a few hours, and pumping my fist every so often. Yes, I am now ready to admit that I have a problem.

Research indicates that this iceberg sings under pressure. Lawyers representing Queen, 2Pac and David Bowie have announced that legal action is pending.

Instead of observing icebergs, would somebody please find out quickly if watching the NHL on TSN makes me smarter than the average bear?

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After having a conversation with a high school friend named Cheuk (pronounced Chuck), with whom I haven't had any contact with in the longest time, I decided to dedicate this whole post to Chuck..Norris.

Things you may not have known about Chuck Norris

The chief export of Chuck Norris is PAIN.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "It's BAD LUCK to mess with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

Chuck Norris doesnt see dead people. He makes people dead.

Chuck Norris had his own version of Punk'd. Only in his version, he would walk around and roundhouse kick people in the throats.

Chuck Norris doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the crap out of viruses. That's why Chuck Norris never gets ill.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris has yet to get a Jeopardy question wrong.

*Click Image for a more comprehensive list of which I plucked my favorites*

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Courtesy of Bev, what did 50 Cent say when his grandma made him a sweater?

"Gee, you knit?"

Funny right? Okay, so maybe not THAT funny, but hold on hold on, this may help:

*snicker snicker*

Yeah, that's our self-proclaimed gangster there for you. All snazzed up for a GQ photoshoot. Is that, a SNAKE you have there on your shoulders? I think I've seen this gimmick before!



One washed up everybody hates her celebrity, and one person that was wicked cool, back in 1975, when telephone booth stuffing and pet rocks were also cool (I'm NOT KIDDING).

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PREVIOUSLY ON LATE NIGHT RUNS
Singing over Skype at ridiculous hours of the morning. The delicate balance of enjoyable singing-along-to-tunes vs disturbing sleeping housemates was pushed precariously to infinity and beyond.

10:30PM - 10:32PM
November 21
Not on the day of the Presidential Primer.
Events occur in real time.

PitaPitVendorLady: Hi what can I get for you?
MeTheCustomer: Can I please have two cookies?
PitaPitVendorLady: That'll be $1.07. Which type of cookies would you like?
MeTheCustomer: The two biggest ones please.
PitaPitVendorLady: *blank stare*
MeTheCustomer: Yeah, those two right there would be great.

NEXT TIME ON LATE NIGHT RUNS
Asians catch wind about a certain free event in Toronto and flock to it like birds to bread crumbs. Complications arise because of traffic jams, the possibility of not getting in, and other noisy asians on a crowded bus.

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By now, pretty much everyone has their own blog, along with their own xanga, livejournal, typepad, and their "secret" blog. So it's not that big a deal to write up posts for yourself. But you know you're something special when someone else asks you to post on their blog.

So today, if you want to go read my crazy wicked post, then HEAD HERE!

Okay, so its not that crazy. I think I'm just worn out from a very long weekend celebration. Grab a drink, grab a glass! And toast the winner of the annual QSCA Singing Competition.

Don't let the picture fool you, I didn't win. But it doesn't matter, it feels like I did. Especially if I get to enjoy the surround sound home theatre system courtesy of Philips! I mean courtesy of Eric the guy who sung his way to the free system.

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The month where all the leaves are brown, and the skies are grey. I went for a walk, on a winters day, and I stumbled upon the Kingston Santa Clause Christmas parade.

*rubs eyes and checks the calendar again*

Seems like everyone is gettin an early jump on Christmas. From the aforementioned Christmas parade, to the stores with "Xmas Sale!" signs plastered all over their windows. Who knows, maybe Santa has even jumped the gun and is already on his sleigh here to Kingston to deliver me my two front teeth.

Why celebrate something a month early? By celebrating Christmas early, we have thus neglected holidays that are actually in between now and Christmas because going BACK to celebrate holidays before Christmas would just be a "pity-celebration". So "Bake Cookies Day" (also National Roast Suckling Pig Day) will just be forgotten this year.

*sheds a tear*

Are we attempting to throw Jesus Christ (the real reason we celebrate Christmas thank you all) a "surprise party"? Do you KNOW what omniscient means? Ha, because I know my God has some sense of humor, he'd probably be throwing us a counter-surprise party just to again blow away our catch us off guard and exceeds any expectations we could ever have. That's what he does, takes your expectations, loads them into a cannon, and blows them away.

Alright, so back on track now. What's the reason for throwing an early parade? Don't tell me the weather is too cold in December to throw a parade, because I was out there for 20 minutes yesterday, and I couldn't feel my face after. But in the spirit of ... well I don't know what I was in the spirit of, but what the hey, I was kind enough to overlook the fact that it was mid-November because I was gonna get a friggin parade. And those are always happy fun times.

Until I realized that in Kingston, a parade just meant attaching something to the back of your pickup trucks and driving it down the street at a turtle like pace. Take a look-see:

Can you say Ghetto?

"Kingsto...I mean...Ghetto!"



And that's some random mascot in the parade picking a fight with a random person on the street.

I would put up more pictures, but I should probably save some pictures for the housemate who accompanied me to this parade and whom will probably take a stick and beat this to death on his blog.

He also contributed about four words to this blog. "I better get acknowledgement. Make sure its Mike KWAN, there are many Mike's out there. And link that crap please."

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Apparantly, my not-so-clever pun was not-so-fantastically received. Swing and a miss. I still get two more strikes. Here's the second pitch.

Check out the horses on these cars:

I think being a part of a "winning team" no matter how small of a role you played is a very special feeling.

It's a shame Chris Bosh will never know.

Thank you Lord Jesus for allowing me to be on your team.

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The apartment is rather empty this weekend. I plan to host my very own room crawl, where I frequent a different housemate's room every night this weekend. They may kill me when they find out what I have done, but what they doodily.

If you have some spare time, I invite you to check out the horses on this Ferrari.

Here's one of them. Right on the front of the car.

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Create Your Own!

Yes, I have had someone tell me I look funny, but not like ugly funny (although I'm sure the comments will now be flooded with "I always wanted to tell you that you look like an idiot buttug")...oh wait, buttug itself implies that already. Doh.

So this is me lookin like a cartoon character. One day, when I find the site that will allow me to create my animal equivalent, I will post that up too.

Wouldn't it be wicked cool if Costco gave free samples of a punch to the face? Where some guy would just stand at the booth, and punch you in your face as you walked by, and then you'd THANK HIM for a free sample? Okay maybe not. I'm totally wasted from the alcoholic-drink-that-contained-little-to-no-alcohol served to me tonight. I love you Costco and your cheap eggs and your jumbo sized apple pies that will take a bagillion years to eat.

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187 - 22 = ....
CMON...
I CAN DO THIS

...165

To BE different and to MAKE a difference, that's what I want.

My early morning blogs are usually the most honest. Not that during the rest of the day my pants are on fire, but words just blubber out of my mouth and editting becomes an ideal concept.

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Ants eat eye

Alright. I understand the patient not noticing, well cuz you know you can't really see if you're eye is being eaten out. But come on now, someone must've noticed the trail of ants...there's always a trail of ants. Oh nuts, now the visual image is coming...and I'm just about to eat lunch too. Why cruel world, why?

Luckily for this woman, she will no longer be required to read any new books.

Which idiot publisher is actually allowing 50 Cent to make his own books? Street fiction, but featuring actual members of G-Unit? Wait... wait a minute, I have a feeling I know this story. Oh right, its the same story he tells in EVERY SINGLE SONG HE RELEASES.

One more thing, what kinda "thuggin gangsters" writes books? Or wears lab goggles?

I on the other hand, am totally gangster. Why? Because today while it was raining, I walked home...without using my umbrella. Now THAT is gangster.

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Not even gonna bother with this one.

Getting back midterm/assignment marks: Everyone gives you the stereotypical "You'll do better next time" or "No worries, whats done is done, just look ahead" or "Guess you really do suck" "It was your wake up call". I am definitely guilty of this as well. What else am I going to say (please refer to the crossed out comment). As for my marks, no need to worry. I'm keepin my hopes high...by feeding them a steady diet of drugs.

I think it'd be funny to purchase a fake ID or a "fan-ban" DVD/CD with counterfeit bills.

It's funny how time fly,
I'm just havin fun, just watchin it fly by.

You can call me the Watcher.

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Seems some people want me to change my posting ways. Well, please refer to the picture above, cuz its not happening. I am me, and most importantly, I am His.

I am wholly yours
I am full of earth and dirt and You

Here I am
Everything
-David Crowder Band

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In honour of the neuroscience course which has cancelled the next three lectures thus allowing me to finish classes before 2:30 everyday for the rest of this week and the beginning of next week, I will teach some material to myself.

Currently learning about the eyes and its corresponding receptors and brain activations and whatnots (is it clear yet that I have no idea what I'm talking about?) That's where that random post with the impossible images came from.

Well here's another thing for you guys to play around with. It IS true that your eyes have the ability to play tricks on you.

Now go on, give this a whirl:

It's alright, don't feel too bad. It took me a good 2 minutes to figure out what was going on.

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also" - Matthew 6:19-21

Keep your eyes on that prize awaiting for you at the end of the road. Don't be deluded by the things of this world.

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Here is a snippet from Kevin Federline's soon to be released "Ya'll Ain't Ready" single from his also soon to be released album that I didn't care enough to look up the name for.

Steppin' in this game and y'all ain't got a clue
My prediction is that y'all are gonna hate
On the style we create, straight 2008
But I know that you really can't wait
Because people always askin' me when's the release date?

Line by line now:

Steppin' in this game and y'all ain't got a clue: Is he talkin about himself here?
My prediction is that y'all are gonna hate: Nailed it on the spot. Hey, if you knew people would hate, why did you make this album Kevin? Kevin?
On the style we create, straight 2008: 2008? Your flow, no, your non-existant flow was reminiscint of the crap that came out by other crappy rappers I dislike (sorry, coming up with massive blanks here...a couple hours of Clue will jumble your brain better than any word jumble can ever jumble...has anyone ever used the word jumble three times in a sentence before?)
But I know that you really can't wait: When nature calls, nature calls buddy.
Because people always askin' me when's the release date: Cuz they want to know when they go all out in the making-fun-kevin department.

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If you ever have the priviledge of attending one of these free dinners, I mean, information sessions, take this checklist in with you and see how many of the underlined phrases show up. Just think of it as a game to keep you awake through the usually not exciting sessions.

*another fun game to play is to count how many times they mention the company name*

"Here at *insert company name*, we require communcation and teamwork skills. As a fast growing company, we need to constantly recruit cream of the crop students.

One of the greatest satisfactions working at *insert company name* is that we balance work and social life. In fact we have our very own social committee that provides you with sports teams, beer nights, skydiving and other exciting adventures. If you want to do something and we don't currently offer it, gather a group of people and we will provide you with the resources to carry it out. And to top it all off, here at *insert company name* foosball tables.

You will most definitely be challenged. Even though you are still technically students, we will treat you as any other full-timer. Of course, you won't be expected to know everything coming in, and you will definitely be given orientation and training. At *insert company name* invest in people.

I have personally loved my time at *insert company name* and would recommend everyone to apply there today! *insert company name*. It is the doorway to an exciting career. Any questions?"

In fact I do have a few questions. Personally I am a very non-self driven person and would like nothing more than to curl up in a corner cubicle far away from most everyone else and use only what I have learned in school and my limited experiences outside of school. I tend to minimize any chances of having to communicate with anyone other than my computer, and yes I do refer to my computer as a person. What would you say my chances are of fitting in with your company?

Second question. Why did you mention your company name so many times? Are you afraid that you would forget which company you were working for?

And one more thing. When did skydiving and foosball become so cool? I sure missed the boat on these two things.

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A post about pirates without using any pirate jokes? Is it even possible? Let's attempt.

Modernized Pirates

Who knew that pirates were still around? I mean besides us pirateers of "free" music and movies? Oh wait, another post, another day.

Does this mean I can become a pirate now? Where do I sign up? AND most importantly, does this mean I can start using words/phrases like 'avast' and 'shiver me timbers'?

If I were ever to be a pirate, I doubt I would be using them RPG's. I mean what fun is that? I'm not a militant, I'm a PIRATE. With the crappy sword, parrot on my shoulder and wooden stub as a leg. Oh, don't forget the eye patch over the perfectly fine eye. Cuz if you're gonna be a pirate, you gotta go all the way.

So if pirates are still around, does this mean the samuri and ninja's are still running around doing battle with the forces of evil (or good)?

I NEED SOME ANSWERS.

...

Still waiting for that pirate joke huh? You aren't gonna get one (I could've sooo thrown one in there with the word "aren't", but I'm sticking true to my word)

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So here's whatcha gotta do. The numerical expressions of right of the grid of numbers need to be solved and found in the word, i mean NERD SEARCH. WOOO!!

On your marks get set go.



Brought to you by the wonderful folks at Foxtrot.

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Nursery Styles
Ready, here we go:

Monday's child is fair of face,
Tuesday's child is full of grace,
Wednesday's child is full of woe,
Thursday's child has far to go.
Friday's child is loving and giving,
Saturday's child works hard for a living,
But the child born on the Sabbath Day,
Is fair and wise and good and gay.

I was born on a Tuesday, and I am quite possibly the person least full of grace. You'd be hard pressed to find someone less full of grace...maybe even soft-pressed. In fact, I think I may have a deficiency, does this qualify me for some sort of disability? Maybe a telethon where people raise money for me? Can I bring in a washed up celebrity to prompt people to call that scrolling number across the bottom of my t.v.?

And now cuz its Sunday, I must give a lil schpeel
This thing we call transformation is most definitely real.
Don't let it get you down, it's definitely gonna come around
And when you hear the sound you better hit the ground
Runnin, and never lookin back, cuz when you're called to do somethin
You don't treat it like its nothin
So move it, or you're definitely gonna lose it
Stop storin up things on earth that aren't legit
I don't even know where I'm going with this so I might as well quit
That's it.

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I __n only typ_ _ith my _ight h_n_

:(

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and



(mad yet?) AND

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What sucks more! Let's play everybody!
Today's contestants are:

"Having a headache" vs "Juggling assignments and tests"

(its hard to find something depicting juggling assignments/test, so I settled for the next best thing, so you can either settle down yourself, or take your wagon and move on west you cowboy)

On your marks, get set, GO~!

*Hello Jim!*
*Well hello there Jack, great day for a race huh?!*
*and they're off! having a headache pulls out to a quick lead*
*oh but juggling assignments is coming in a close second*
*Jim, this has been one pathetic race, I'm leaving*
*Mark? MARK!? NOOOOOOO MARK!!! WHY MARK WHY WH..*
*My name was Jack...*
*MARK! YOU CAME BACK FOR ME*
...
(Anybody else think I've gone crazy?)
*And we're coming down to the final stretch!*
*OH NO! Juggling assignments just dropped the ball!*
*but having a headache keels over and is playing dead...or maybe is dead*
*...folks this is the first time we've had to declare a co-loser*
*you can all go home dissatisfied. because everyone hates ties.*
*yes Jim, I do believe this is what you would call a lose-lose situation*
*groan*

In other news, I'm officially a klutz. Place any item in front of me today and I will either ram my knee into it or trip over it and fall face first into a wall while attempting to keep my balance. Seriously, anything will do. Even if it's a big purple exercise ball.

Does anybody have one of those clever fly electrocutors? You know, where flies will idiodically be attracted to it and then get FRIED? Oh wait, on second thought, I might trip over that as well, so give it to me tomorrow.

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Yesterday night, I helped out a friend with his singing contest audition by strumming along on the guitar. He rocked it. All 1 verse and 1 chorus, until they rudely cut him off. And he was just getting to the good part too. It was the equivalent of watching 1/2 of a television show, or reading the preface of a book.

Then they decided to have an "interview" with him, and by interview I mean a totally scripted conversation, here's what I want you to say so look at the camera and say it while I prompt you because I know you're gonna go off course due to the ridiculousness of these questions. Longest rant sentence ever. Give me a second.

*wheezing*

What can I say, I'm slightly out of shape. I digress.

Now just imagine for a second, any reality television show. You know that cheesy introduction where they flash a couple clips of the competitors accompanied by their name? Well they wanted my buddy to do something similar. If I remember correctly, they wanted him to "look away from the camera, and blink".

Needless to say, I was laughing. I almost rolled onto the floor. But if I ridiculed their audition methods, that probably would have cost my friend his shot at winning that home entertainment system, to which I am now entitled a good fifty percent of (that's right, you're dolby digital 5.1 speaker system just became a dolby 2.05, sucker), although I think his looking-away-and-blinking technique may have done him in already. That was just not an adequate blink.

Then to put the cherry on top of the already melting ice cream sundae, they decided to make him stand awkardly and snap "cd cover shots". So some cameraman got all up in his face and started taking pictures at a rate that would've made sound waves jealous. And I be like, "Yo, why you gotta be frontin like dat?" (first and last time I ever use ebonics..I promise)

Okay maybe I was too busy attempting to stiffle my urge to burst out into laughter to actually say that. But if I could turn back the hands of time and do it all again, ... no I'd still be too busy laughing.

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I've noticed that most guys will inevitably post about their frustrations/joys pertaining to their washroom usage. I don't really understand it, but I must chip in my two cents.

Bathroom etiquette, controlled by nerds at the ICBE, dictates that upon entry to an empty bathroom, one must never opt to do their business with the middle stall/urinal.

Now wait a minute. If no one is ever gonna use the middle ones, wouldn't that be the cleanest one? And if I were to happen to stumble across an empty washroom, why shouldn't I be allowed to go for the middle urinal? Why should I huddle up in a corner to go pee? Is the Blair Witch gonna come up from behind me and kill me? Is that what this is all about? Huh?

If you happen to come in after me, too bad for you, now hurry up and hustle into the stall. Because everybody knows, making eye contact in the washroom leads to that moment of awkwardness. And plus, I enjoy hearing you mummble curses under your breath as you try to figure out where to take your tinkle. Making people squirmy is always an enjoyable pastime of mine.

Actually, when I think about it, I think there needs to be a bathroom equivalent of Terrible Terry Tate. Picture it:

*tackle* Why didn't you flush? See here, here's the lever. You pull it down. That's all. Don't ever let me catch you walkin away like that again. WOO.

or

*approaches to tackle, but stops short* I don't even wanna touch you! How could you not wash your hands!? That's just some sick stuff. Get back in there, wash your hands, and then come back out so I can tackle the crap out of you. Pun intended.

Common sense my friends.

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"I don't like it unless it's brand new."

One would think that the artists writing a song about how they don't like it unless its brand new would attempt to use new RHYMES and BEATS.

*hits the crossbar...hits the post....NO GOAL*

And I quote:

"Cuz this just an old beat he had laying around."

Very clever. Very funny. Thank you Kanye for making me laugh.

Rhymefest ft. Kanye West - Brand New

The only thing that's brand new around me is this slice of apple pie (thx JayLo). Fresh out of the microwave pie. Mmm-Mm. Meanwhile, I'm back here playin the same old procrastination game. Beam me up a brand new work-ethic, Scotty.

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I hate my brain.
I hate your brain.
Why must brains be so complicated.

Is it ironic that while studying neuroscience, I feel like I am at the peak of my stupidity? That I am quite possibly the stupidest student in the world for deciding not only to take sparse notes, but to randomly drift/fall asleep during class? Is "stupidest" even a word? I don't even know anymore. Somebody get me a Sudoku. I need to feel smart again.

Speaking of irony:



Don't let the gap fool you. They ARE actually on the stage together.
All is well in this world.

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How many computer programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? I'm sorry, that can't be done, because that's a hardware problem.

I was clearly lacking the proverbial light bulb over my head (twas shattered last night in a fit of rage as I rolled into the wall during my sleep...or wait...that's not me :P). The amount of cleverly avoided questions would've made even George Bush proud.

There's nothing like a greazy poutene and half a tub of ice cream to make one's lightbulb supernaturally come back to life.

And about 1-1/2 hours of playing guitar out in the freezing cold
That was more food for the soul
And yeah, we were bold
Takin control of our world without using no gold
In fact the only gold we thought about were the treasures in heaven we hold
Cuz it wasn't about us, oh no
It was about plantin that seed so God could harvest that soul
I know I used 'soul' twice, it might be getting old
If you don't like my flow, why don't you go take a stroll
Down the knoll, to a hole, and burrow like the nuts belonging to a squirrel
Now I'm out, just like the Houston Astros.

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This is where the arrogant idiot at Buttug Noraa's (I'm so arrogant I linked myself in my own post....yeah sometimes I amaze even myself) proudly presents to you, the best relieve-your-stress-during-midterms game, Buttug Says.

Pay attention, I may move quickly, although that is highly unlikely.

Buttug says, put your hands up in the air.
Buttug says, wave them around like you just don't care.
Buttug says, rip out some of your hair.
Buttug says, hold back your swears.
Buttug says, go read 2 Pet-air 1:1-whatevare.
Buttug says, get down on one knee and lift up your prayers.

Now I'm just trying too hard to rhyme tight like I'm in the limelight.

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Since I spit so much hot fire around the K-town, I have single-handedly forced our apartment complex to update its fire regulations from the 1700's. Jokes aside, I'm very happy with the brand new smoke detector with swell enough technology to not go off everytime somebody in our apartment decides to be a dolt and not watch while the milk/water combination is boiling over. Actually I've been pretty good with that this year, no strikes for me just yet...

*knocks on my wood*

Yes hello? Must be the door. Allow me to go get that. Oh wait, I am no longer STRONG ENOUGH to open the darned door. Aparantly, there needs to be a "door closer" installed up top of our door as per the new and improved fire regulations. So not only is it a struggle for me to fight against this thing everytime I need to enter/exit the apartment, I also get no more visitors anymore because the door should technically be closed at all times.**

Of course, if you think about this, it makes a lot of sense. So if a fire were to say, start in our apartment, our door would be closed, and the fire wouldn't spread!*** Sparing all of the innocent people! Hurray!

Oh wait, what's that? Oh...it's Buttug...at his apartment window...he couldn't open the door to get out. Can you say survival of the fittest?

(everybody in the audience quietly mumbles 'survival of the fittest')

That's good boys and girls. Now can you say 'ANTIDISESTABLISHMENTARIANISM'? All together now.

('antidisestablish-takes a deep breath-mentarianism')

Now can you say hobblescoth? Yeah you're right, its not even a word. Just wanted to make you say some random words out loud. I hope somebody walked by while you were indulging me by playing this random game.

**Has been remedied. We've discovered that empty orange juice cartoons make for decent, if not superb, door stoppers. I still get no visitors though.

***I have a very striking suspicion that the fire would continue to eat through our WOODEN DOOR even if it were to be closed. I guess it would only slow the inevitable.

****Must be very confusing trying to find where this endnote points to. I just wanted to mention that I basically burned right through the BCHM midterm. I'll be saving that ice cream that I bought for the pity-party.

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So there I was, scribbling furiously away at an impromptu exam review session. A fellow student poses a slightly stupid question. I am in no way condoning the asking of stupid questions. The notion that there is no such thing as a "stupid question" is stupid in itself.

But thats not what this post is about. A stupid question was asked. I let it slip and slide. But the keener life sci's parked right behind me did not see it my way. In fact they went on for a good 10 minutes discussing what a craptacular question that was. So even when the prof had expanded and MOVED ON to better questions, they were still yammering away.

It was very hard to focus. Here is a snipped of my notes:

The void volume is dependant on the stupidity of the question, I can't believe the idiot who would transfer out of the column and into the fractions collected at the bottom. And if you were to remember only ONE THING going into the exam, its that the prof is wasting his time going over this stuff!

I always seem to miss the "ONE THING TO REMEMBER". Cuz I'm awesome like that. This can't turn out good. So when you see me ingesting tubs of ice cream on Monday, it's not because I like ice cream (even though I love ice cream like a fat kid love cake).

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I'm a buskle-er, I'm a I'm a buskle-er Homie
You can ask about me, and you just might see
That I was only soliciting for charity
It was somewhat crazy, a little bit hazy
Something you might hear drop from Just Blazy
E.Mok was a monster, you might even call him the Big E
Not That Biggie, may he R.I.P.
But vocally, so sweet like a sugar plum faerie
So when you hear him come through, sit down and admire like the TV
You'll probably start humming too, like it was a CD
See me? Naw you don't, cuz I was playin poorly
I was merely tagging along with the V.I.P.
Almost like Mok was the doctorate, and I was the bachelor degree
Inferiorily, now I'm just making up wordsies
It's about that time I get back to my bookies
The way I'm going, I'm gonna need a lot of cookies
To keep me awake until at least two or three
And I just can't wait til the end of the weekly
Hope ya'll have it better than me
So go on, go 'head, take it easy

This post has been dedicated to a man named Jon Lee
And his good friend who may never read this, Gummi.

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Let's disect shall we?
*takes out the frog*
Oh.
*puts away the frog legs*

Why are there TWO food service offices at Queen's? What purpose do they serve? Do they live a purpose driven life?!

Please no more sermons based on the purpose driven life book? NO MORE. I don't really mean to offend many people. My purpose wasn't purpose I ain't perfect I care.
Now back to my reality, my stories and my allegories.

So naturally, I got the wrong office the first time. Turns out, after aquiring the forms from the second (base girl) office, I had to run back to the building housing the first office to get some forms signed. Where I was informed that one of the dudes that are allowed to sign my form is in Edmonton.

So then I flew to Edmonton, signed those contracts, and flew back, satisfied at the transaction.

I have no time to blog. Long story short, going back and forth between offices makes me feel dizzy, and like a volleyball. Find out where you're going, then go. Stop dickin around.

I think other bloggers are heavily influencing me.

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That was me in class. Minus the cool flask of red stuff on my butt. And the pimpin red shoes. And the bowl of water. So my face hit the table and squashed my nose.

And apparantly I need self control. Yeah, stupid homeostasis just isn't pulling its weight anymore. I mean my weight. And because of homeostasis, my blog suffers tonight.

*Head starts dipping....Glugluglugluglug*

That was me. Drowning in that pool of water that isn't really there. But it is. Just not literally.

Anybody have 200grand for reconstructive nose surgery?

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6:15 - Fast asleep. Faster than the speed of sound, much faster than birds from the underground.
6:40 - Beat the rooster to the punch. He didn't want it with me, ask Nas, he don't want it with me...Noooo.
6:41 - Dreaming up the perfect storm
7:02 - Housemate comes crashing into my room, informing me that it is 7:00. He's getting a clock set two minutes faster for Christmas. Coincidence that the difference in time was "two"? You think about that for a second, base girl.
7:15 - Setting off into the deceiving morning. 7:15am = (7:15pm - noise)
8:20 - Breakfast one. Featuring....Eggs.
8:45 - Breakfast two. Taters + Syrup = Heavenly Hash?
10:30 - Lost an arm in combat during the "scribble-everything-down" maneuver that runs concurrently with the "awake-but-not-paying-attention" tactic.
11:30 - Rope is class. Skipping rope. With one arm.
1:00 - All hope is lost. Sat around discussing the possible sexual conotations of orange juice.
2:30 - Keepin inStyle. Critiquing celebrities. Rachel Bilson gets thumbs up.
3:30 - Walked around discussing stuff much more relevant, musical and nerdy.
4:30 - Wondering why 1. I'm blogging about my day, I never blog about my day, 2. I'm blogging at all, and 3. Birds suddenly appear.

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I don't usually give credit to the stuff I use on this site, but this is Amp, by robyn-intherain, and since I am acquaintances with her, I must refer you to her deviantart stuff.

My doodles don't even look like doodles. Here's my attempt at a duck (my attempt at a house was strikingly similar).

Can't you see it?
*sigh*
It's alright, I can't see it either.
OH WAIT!
*puts on glasses*
...
..
.
*sigh of utter defeat*

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The next time I get asked to check off any languages that I can read/write/understand, I'm gonna check them all. Why? Because I know my internet, and my internet can translate anything, allowing me to claim to be proficient in multiple languages, even languages I never knew existed! You can't fool me with your pidgin talk.

As if the internet wasn't good enough already, here's a fun game to play. Go to Google. Type in "(your name) needs". Remember to use the quotes.

What a great game. Here's me:

A**** needs a Tracheostomy (from all that smoking I do?!?!)
A**** needs to learn how to count (or, a new calculator...either way)
A**** needs to find another place to stay (hahaha the internet is evicting me)
A**** needs to lose some weight (Shutup Google...why don't you go lose some weight)
A**** needs two running tens for a tie or two running fives to win the pot.

Speaking of poker, wait, say what!? Oh, we have since erased the word "poker" from our mental dictionaries and put "hockey" back on its rightful throne? Ah well this will bring back memories. Perhaps. I'm really unclear on how the brain processes work. Apparantly, our minds warp everytime we learn something new. Who knows.

Right, so speaking of poker, I'm glad that fad has officially 'fad'ed into obscurity. My string of luck in poker can be summed up by this cartoon (and yes, I am represented by the girl in the cartoon):

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Some search phrases people have used to find my site include:
"Kicked in the Nuts"...I'm guessing they Google Image searched this, to which they found this. Good times.

"DID BOW WOW AND CIARA BREAKUP". Judging by the caps, somebody desperately needed to know if they had a chance with Ciara or Bow Wow(only God knows why).

"Can you ever get totally stuck doing sudoku". And the answer is yes. That's what seperates the sudoku masters (myself included) from other measily peons.

"Guys sudoku" - what's with all the sudoku hits?!

"pie in the face basketball pictures". I'm not even gonna try to figure this one out.

"Kochi Inter-trade". AHAHAHAHAH. Who knew THIS RANDOM POST would generate me hits, a COUPLE of months later?! Not I, that's for sure.

"direction kennyma". Rockstar Kenny, SHOW US THE WAY.

"poutene". Oh. This might have been me while I was desperately hungry last night.

My page has also been viewed by people in Sweden, Portugal, Lisban, Hong Kong, Buenos Aires, Italy, Turkey, and the ever mystical land known as the "United States". Lovely!

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You can file this one under: DUH

"New research shows that adolescents who eat large amounts of fried food away from home are heavier and more likely to have a poor-quality diet."

It's always good to know that if I ever don't cut it as a computer scientist, I can always just cut my losses, and start up a brilliant research project a la said article. The guise I'd work under? 'Out to save the world, one fat kid at a time.'

Yeah, it'd hafta to be that, cuz my other brilliant idea was already carried through by some German dudes.

I demand to be put in contact with the person who funded either one of these projects. Seriously, I'm lookin for a 16 month internship and I'd love to look into stuff people think about, then go "nah...what was I smokin?".

Now, about the so-deep-that-you-thought-you-were-walking-through-the-abyss type post yesterday. I am definitely still the same girlish weakling with a fine-tuned sense of humor, and I am still gonna give everyone their daily dose of useless (but not so useless because I like reading about things...and so should you) information and/or pictures.

And I know you don't have it in you to resist :) So keep reading, my minions.

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"When our depravity meets His divinity, it is a beautiful collision."

Perhaps a big bang did occur. When the sins of the world were once and for all defeated on that rugged tree. When good and evil did battle, with good previaling in a landslide victory. When Satan had his brow beaten in, casting him to the Smackdown Hotel. A glorious and momentous collision.

Small skirmishes still arise. But everytime someone chooses to turn to the Father and deny their weak human-ness, little big bangs are still happening all around us. The fact is that when our lives join intersect with what God has planned for us, sparks fly. Mountains tremble. Children dance. Events we had originally scoffed at, labelling as impossible, suddenly occur.

Praise God. The victory has already been won.

Come and listen.
Come to the water's edge
all you who are thirsty,
Come.

Let me tell you what He has done for me,
He has done for you,
He has done for us.

Praise our God for He is good.
He is good.
He has done for me.
He has done for you.
He has done for us.

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Pictures and Links! That's just what happens when I get too lazy to post for real.

Wind did this to the rental car and free tibet. I missed many other great picture opportunities. Lesson learned. Always carry camera in bag. Always. You never know when the wind is gonna blow so hard that pigs actually fly.



"You could abort every black baby in this country, and your crime rate would go down."

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I've got to say, it was a little awkward. Having you come back around after being gone for over a year.

But all it took was the drop of a puck. Or 15 of them for that matter.

And then it was on. Like you had never left.

If the NHL Logo were a person, I would give it a hug.

My loyalties no longer lie with one team. Instead, I will cheer my silly heart out for a shootout night in, night out. Even if it trivializes the fact that hockey is supposedly a "team sport".

Speaking of sports, let's just end with this. Thank you Jeffrey. This made my night. Oh and Jeffrey, all the girls at Queens are in love with you and your beautiful hair. Player :)

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Health nuts are driving me ... nuts. Can you taste the irony? Not yet? That's okay, we'll just throw a few more mg of iron into the next batch groceries you buy. Throw in extra fibre just for kicks as well. You know. Cuz its good for you.

My mother packed lunches for me back in the day. I would have a sandwich every day of the week. On whole-wheat bread. And for dinner, I would have rice. Except the rice would be pink because there was an extra additive that would make it wonderfully healthy.

So when I'm up here making food for myself, I tend to shy away from the healthy side of life. I like my bread like I like my winters...white. So when I found out that my very own white bread was being SPIKED, I nearly choked to death on the lollipop I was eating for dinner (when I said 'shy away from the healthy side of life', I was really being modest)

Then, to top it all off, I come across this:


Hey! Whole Grain! Yeah, I'm talkin to you! You don't think I've noticed you invading my breakfast cereals with your graininess? Turning my sacred sugary snacks into semi-healthy meals? You and your sneaky tactics need to STAY AWAY from my Chips Ahoy.

Your intention of making Chips Ahoy healthier while admirable, is NOT appreciated. I'm not eating Chips Ahoy for my daily ingestion of fibre or whatever. I simply eat Chips Ahoy when I want to wash down some horrible whole wheat bread, or maybe forget about the new Lindsay Lohan song...or maybe for something to throw at the TV when the new Lindsay Lohan music video comes on.

I need to calm down. Somebody get me a lollipop. Or a chocolate bar. A STOLEN chocolate bar (don't worry, I didn't steal anything...for real)

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Actually today wasn't all that brutal. 4 for 4 in terms of Monday morning prayer meetings. Beating a pro star basketball player in a cheap game of twenty-one. One greasy poutene that litterally slid all the way through my system.

But when Mike came home with a bag of Taco Bell, I immediately wished that I could have some Taco Bell. And when he let me munch on the reminants of the fries, I really badly quiero me some Taco Bell (I know that I didn't use the word quiero right, but here at ButtUgNoraa's (BUN)...we just don't care)

Now, you may be asking yourself why I just don't get off my lazy butt and walk myself down to Taco Bell and get my own Tacos?

Well, cuz first of all the walk would technically be a "walk up"...and the walk would be more like a hike of epic proportions. Leading me to suddenly drop my yearning for Taco Bell and suddenly develop a craving for a car.

Disregarding the fact that mommy/daddy already said "HAHAHA...oh you seriously wanted the car? Then the answer is no." I can't have no car up here. Why? Because I can't afford no gas.

Say it with me.

"We can't afford no gas."

Say it!

"WE CANT AFFORD NO GAS."

So we aint drivin.

I ended up getting free dinner courtesy of Proctor and Gamble. Good times.

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Staring out into the wonderful night shoreline that Kingston is a proud home of.



Staring straight ahead at the lights. Some are ever-glowing, illuminating a small radius of rocks around them. Pathces of darkness engulf the lights from all directions. Some lights are of the lighthouse variety, flashing on and off. Their frequencies differed. As did their color, and because of the varying distances, so did their prominence. They seemed eerily right.

Staring up at the stars. A couple flashes of brilliance, but always incredibly breath-taking, and never fading.



Staring behind me at an enormous crane. From which a burden once hung.



Staring straight down at my feet hovering above pitch-dark waters. As if I were dangling my feet precariously over the edge of a cliff. The only certainty being the beam I was perched on. An inch forward would be an unforgiving and unnecessary belly-flop into pollution filled waters.

Why is it that when presented with such an unfailing path, that I continue to stray?

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So as if Thursday nights werent' crowded enough, what with super-man Clark Kent competing with super-spy Sydney Bristow for my time, I get the choice to attend Thursday Night Tutorials!

Now the old me would probably have laughed at the thought of having anything to do on Thursday night besides re-acquainting myself with the TV. But the new and improved me has so far made it to 2 out of the 2 tutorials. I've overcome adversity, I've overcome harsh weather, I've overcome friends telling me to "go home and watch tv". So go on, be proud of me. Go on now.

Once you get to one of these night time tutorials, you just know that the poor TA doesn't really want to be there. In fact, I would go so far as to suggest that they want to be there LESS than the students. Because keener students like me go to these tutorials in hopes of gaining valuable insight/hints on how to do assignments. Only to be sorely disappointed.

Except last Thursday night I was not disappointed. I finally have proof that the TA's hate tutorials just as much as students. Look no further, here it is...the proof:



Now, you may be thinking, dude, it's 1:50AM, SATURDAY...aren't we a little behind on this post? And to you I say, good observation. I'm glad you can tell time. Proof 2 that TA's hate tutorials, they don't necessarily go home and post the slides right away...they may sometimes take until Friday night/Saturday morning to post the slides so that avid bloggers like me look like idiots posting about events two days ago, with a couple posts in between.

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1. Do you try to look hot when you go to the grocery store just in case someone recognizes you from your blog?
What kind of 12 year old wrote this meme? No one else could possess the rare combination of delusion and narcissism required to simultaneously believe that not only are people obsessed with you because of your website to the point that they’d want to watch you buy Apple Juice, but that those same people also give a crap if your shoes match your jacket in the process? I love kids.

For the official record, no

2. Are the photos you post Photoshopped or otherwise altered?
Yes, but only to hide my receeding hairlin...oh...nuts.

3. Do you like it when creeps or dorks email you?
Dorks and creeps don't email me. They're too busy being dorks and creeps. Only people cooler than me email me.

4. Do you lie in your blog?
I really do turn into Jack Bauer from time to time. Really.

5. Are you passive-aggressive in your blog?
I volunteer to do a meme like this, I sit here reading retarded questions like this, and I think to myself, "PASSIVE AGRESSIVE? I'll show YOU AGRESSIVE. Is this as good as its gonna get?". MOVING ON.

6. Do you ever threaten to quit writing so people will tell you not to stop?
So this question is basically asking if you blog because you feel needed/important. This is why I blog:
-Because I get bored easily. If I can cure my own (and your boredome) for 5 minutes, then I say job well done.
-It's a cheaper hobby than collecting stamps.
-I obsess about useless things, like how 'digress' is indeed one of the top ten words in the current english language and must be used in every single post.

7. Are you in therapy? If not, should you be? If so, is it helping?
No, no, and yes. TRY TO FIGURE THAT OUT.

8. Do you delete mean comments? Do you fake nice ones?
You know what, I don't get enough comments to warrant deleting any. And plus, the only mean comments I get are from my housemates, who feel inferior to me (yeah, okay, bring on the mean comments now). I never fake nice ones. I'm never nice.

9. If your readers knew you in person, would they like you more or like you less?
MUCH LESS. Observe if you will.
Reader:So nice to meet you buttug, long time reader, first time meeter!
Me:...
Reader:...So what you been up to?
Me:School, and, TV, and other stuff.
Reader:Aw cool! What do ya watch? Sports? Bachelorette?
Me:
Reader:You weren't kidding about being boring in person. I think I'm gonna go ahead and punch you in the face out of sheer frustration now. Boring jerk.

10. Do you have a job?
*zzz...awakes...slightly startled*
Oh I'm sorry, fell asleep doing my own meme. Super. If you're still awake, then you're a trooper, and the cheque is in the mail.

And yes, my job is to valiantly defend myself from random attacks planned by my housemates. It's one of those 24/7 type jobs.

11. If someone offered you a decent salary to blog full-time without restrictions, would you do it?
How fast can you say "I'm so there"? Now, how fast can you say it 200 million times?

12. Which blogger do you want to meet in real life?
Katie Holmes. Assuming she has a blog.

13. Do you usually act like you have more money or less money than you really have?
Finally. A thinking question. I can't answer it though, because I can't keep track of my own financial records, so I have no clue how much money I have. I honestly tried at the beginning of the year, but by day 5, it was a lost cause.

14. Does your family read your blog?
I'm sure they're scouring the internet for it. And when it happens, you'll know. Cuz my posts will suddenly turn into things like "Wow, today I got bored and sat at home doing homework, and reading textbooks!" or "Then after 8:00am service at Bethel, I went to 9:30am service at KCAC! So wholesome."

15. How old is your blog?
Archives date back almost two years, so using my mental math, I'd guess... two years. Oh suck! I did a birthday post earlier this year and forgot about my blog. I sure hope the blog doesn't hate me, or gives me the cold shoulder, or decides to delete this very long-winded post. Please blog, I'll make up for it next year by making a special birthday banner, or putting annoying birthday music on the blog.

16. Do you get more than 1000 page views per day? Do you care?
Don't know, Don't care.

17. Do you have another secret blog in which you write about being depressed, slutty, or a liar?
Wait, let me re-read this question. Harharhar. A slutty blog. That's just too much.

18. Have you ever given another blogger money for his/her writing?
"Dude! That post about Apple Cinnamon Cheerios was AWESOME! It does taste just like Cheerios, with apple cinnamon! Good call! Damn! Here’s five bucks."

(Does that seem like a rational chain of events to anyone? Who comes up with this material?)

19. Do you report the money you earn from your blog on your taxes?
Under the "miscellanious earnings" section, I put ZERO. Cuz this stuff just doesn't pay.

20. Is blogging narcissistic?
Only if you're a narcissist. For everyone else, it's just "writing".

21. Do you like John Mayer?
The fact that I've downloaded the episode of Chappelle Show featuring John Mayer on ALL my different computers, while having most of his albums, and fanning myself while listening to his music does seem to indicate a certain man-crush.

22. Why bother?
WHY DID I!? WHY!

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When something like THIS happens, you can't help but let out a sigh of relief.

Then you quickly re-read the article, and suck that sigh of relief right back into your system as you realize that the people on the plane were actually watching the news coverage of their flight AS it was happening.

Seriously now. If my plane is in danger of going down, I can think of about... 3, no, 4 better things to do than to watch ... well my flight go down... on tv.

4. Eat all the remaining airline food. Every last crumb. What's that? You think airplane food is worse than eating a cow liver raw? THEN MORE FOR ME.
3. Go up to first class, and make myself at home. Cuz if I'm going down, at least I'm going down in style.
2. Go to each and every one of the crying babies within a 20 seat radius, and rudely tell off their parents for allowing their kids to cry on an airplane while I was attempting to fall asleep.
1. Take a nap - it's just what I do.

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Black/Grey/White. Very dark shades. Because that's what my life is. Dark. That is, without the light of Jesus. Just a crooked soul trying to stay up straight. And in that sense, when Jesus shines on my dark dark life, I cast this shadow that essentially proves the sunshine.

Yes, Jon Foreman did put those words into song format. So don't confuse me with being the most creative thing in the world. Just look at my blog. It's basically two boxes. That's it.

In a nutshell, this sums up my creativity.

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Posting while watching survivor. That's how I keep sane. Or else I think I'd be dying of laughter.

What's so funny about survivor?

Well think about the ridiculous challenges. Now think about the poor people that hafta be the challenge testers, just to make sure it's actually a challenge.

Hey guys, hate to break it to you, but today, the genious writers of the show decided it would be wicked fun to have a *dodge the falling boulders* challenge. We need you to determine how challenging this is, so we can judge whether or not this challenge should be for immunity or for reward.

*boulders fall*

Ah, so the challenge has been determined to be, whats the word, deathly. Thanks guys for your hard work. See you tomorrow when we test out the "jumping through the hoops of fire" challenege. Oh wait, you're dead. Nevermind then.

And as if imagining that wasn't laugh-inducing enough, we have walking jokes as contestants.

Case 1 - Guy who pretends to be sick all day only to "sudden bursts" of energy at challenges... that HAS to be one of the BEST strategies ever. Cuz not only does he get pampered at camp because oh, poor baby has shortness of breathe, but he's also the hero that pulls through for the win.

Case 2 - Ex - NFL Quarterback. ARE YOU KIDDING ME. Do you think that a person who played in the NFL needs an extra million bucks? Who's the screener who let this guy on the show. Actually, it'd be great if he won, then makes a passing remark at how it's one percent of his fortune, and that maybe now he can buy that thirtieth castle he's been dreaming about to complete his collection.

Case 3 -

Cmon...this guy is pure gold. Hey Jeff, thanks for stirring up the most trouble at tribal councils. Without you, all tribal councils would be the equivalent of watching the paint dry on a wall that hasn't been painted.

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