Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Album Review: Scarlett Johansson - Anywhere I Lay My Head
This is going to be a grueling 44 minutes. And I won't lie, like most of my "reviews", I give up about 1/5th of the way through.
Track One - Fawn
Reminiscent of Sufjan Steven's work, but a lot slower, and with a lot less creativity. Throw in a cheesy baseball-game-sounding organ, and a cheesy saxophone going over it, and you have the underwhelming introductory track! Welcome to the music business Scarlett, may your stay be short lived.
Track Two - Town With No Cheer
Finally! Scarlett decided to show up on her own album! And then proceeds to drone on over a track entitled "Town With No Cheer". This is way too emo for a "successful" Hollywood celebrity.
Track Three - Falling Down
Picks up where track two left off. Seriously, the gap-less playback option worked so well that if I wasn't so on top of my album review game, I wouldn't even know the track changed. Scarlett is still droning...
Track Four - Anywhere I Lay My Head
Scarlett Jo digs deep and comes up with a slower sounding intro that made me run to Youtube because I thought she was going to drone over this beat.
Track Five - Fannin' Street
This is my favorite track. Not because it's any good. Not even because David Bowie is featured. No, it's because the premise of the track is to warn you not to go down to Fannin' street. Nevermind the fact that she replaced the 'g' in 'Fanning' with an apostrophe (totally gangster) but with an opportunity to say something of significance, for instance, an opportunity to warn kids not to do drugs, or talk about the dangers of being consumed with fame or power, she chooses instead to call out Fanning Street. The lyrics reveal no particular reason why. Brutal.
Track Six - Song For Jo
A song for herself. Probably should've kept the entire album to herself.
Track Seven - Green Grass
True story. By this point of the review, I had lost track of how bored I really was. I looked down into my Windows bar thing that goes across the bottom (it really shows that I studied computers doesn't it?) and noticed I was simultaneously in the middle of two Freecell games. I eventually won both.
Track Eight - I Wish I Was In New Orleans
I also wish I was in New Orleans. Back to the actual song, it sounds like a bedtime song with the chimes and dreamy effects. If you're going to attempt to listen to this album, use this track as track one. It'll get you in the mood. And by that, I mean put you to sleep, sparing you from the other ten tracks.
Track Nine - I Don't Want To Grow Up
Is it possible for someone that has a vocal range spanning five pitches (not octaves...PITCHES) to release an eleven tracked album? Who green-lighted this project? And, according to the track title, she doesn't want to grow up. That's very mature Scarlett, very mature.
Track Ten - No One Knows When I'm Gone
E.M.O.
Track Eleven - Who Are You?
YOU, madam, are an actress. A borderline one at that. Should've asked yourself this question before making this album.
Recap - Good riddance. Look, if you're not gifted with multiple talents, there's no need to force yourself into avenues that you probably shouldn't wandering down.
Rappers, you are not country stars. Jessica Simpson, you should have been a country star all along. Dane Cook, just stop it (it = everything). Britney, get back to being a fake music star, leave the parenting to K-Fed (I know, even that's ridiculous, but that's the best I could do with a no-win situation). The driver in front of me that decided to only use half of the left-turn lane and remain halfway on the lane I was driving in, acting as a danger to everyone around, buy yourself some public transportation tokens. Vegetables, stop showing up in my favorite foods, go back to being the dish I try to neglect but my mother will forcibly serve to me anyways. Canadian Basketball Team, just strap on a pair of skates and pick up a stick. Ernie and Bert, well you twos is just ridiculous.
Posted in
Album Review
posted by Buttug McOysty
. 3:03 PM .