I was going to write a post a day this week, but thanks to the hot water tank that sprung a leak in my basement, I spend all my free time draining water from my carpets. Therefore, I'm going to have to amalgamate all my thoughts into one really un-thought-out post.

These events, conversations and quips all took place within the past week and a half at my first "real" job. And I like putting things in quotes. "See". Try to keep up, but if you can't, it's okay. Second place isn't all that bad.

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Our trainer, let's call him Dan, cause that's his real name, was discussing his childhood as a Jewish boy

"Yeah, my parents enrolled me in judo lessons. I was really good at it. And it only makes sense, after all, it's spelled J-E-W-D-O."

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Sitting in the back row of the room are three guys. The guy to the left is named Tony. The guy to the right is named Tiger (Woods! not). The guy in the middle's nameplate now reads "the".

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Bowling, at the ghetto Bowlerama located on Yonge near Cummer. You know, the one with bowling balls that have cracks in them, and tilted bowling lanes. The "characters" involved are Chris (white dude) and Conrad (black guy that reminds me of Dave Chappelle.

Conrad: "Chris is kinda good, but he (Chris) sucks."
Myself: "...What?"
Chris: "Chris...is kinda good...but he sucks..."
Conrad: "Well yeah, compared to me."

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This has nothing to do with anything. But 82-0? That's more than a goal a minute. That's just cruel. Bulgaria probably shouldn't have fielded a women's ice hockey team. You could put me out there by myself, as a goalie, and I probably wouldn't lose 82-0.

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During one of our many breaks from work, we happen across a list of the top 100 songs of all time. You know, those lists that don't make sense to anyone because the songs on top of the list all suck?

Conrad: "Is 'I Like Big Butts' on that list? That song changed my life."

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Trainer Dan: "I highly recommend the white hot chocolate from the coffee shop next door."
Myself: "Oh yeah? Why don't you go get some now?"
Trainer Dan: "I told you, It's way too hot to be drinking hot chocolate. I'll drink it when I'm cold."
Myself: "Good thing you're already cold...hearted. Go get yourself a hot chocolate."

Trainer Dan gets up off his chair, and whips the squishy mini soccer ball type thing we've been tossing around the room directly at me. Luckily, I had already gone into turtle mode. It glanced harmlessly off me.


^
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Turtle Mode


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So, work has been swell. Way more swell than a 3 day bruise. Does that last sentence even make sense? Does it make too much sense?