***I would like to pre-cursor this post with a notification to any reader that I plan to utilize plenty of stereotypes in this entry. If you think I need to rephrase certain things in this particular post, or you would like to give me a one way ticket to jail, please feel free to drop me an instant message of some sort, or just go play checkers by yourself.***

I just witnessed a "championship" match of doubles ping pong, where one team had their butts handed to them on a silver platter. And as such, I feel the need to propose a new rule of life:

Competitive Ping-Pong Should Only Be Played By Chinese People

The only exception I see to this rule for a non-Chinese person is if you are playing doubles and your partner is Chinese (ala the winning team in this particular match witnessed by yours lie-detector-be-darned-truthfully ButtugMcOysty).

You don't see us Chinese people invading other competitive sports, and the NBA doesn't count here because if you're over 7 feet tall, no matter how scared of the ball you are or how your most stunning quality is your ability to pull off the "deer-caught-in-headlights pose" (see SHAWN BRADLEY, the crash dunk dummy) you're going to get drafted.

But you for sure won't see us Chinese folks bashing each other around in a hockey arena or a football stadium, for the simple reason that Chinese people like math.

Now, I didn't say that all Chinese people are good at math, because there is living-breathing-proof of this phenomenon known as "the inability to put two and two together, literally". No single race is exempt of stupid people, and that is indisputable.

But you see, we, the Chinese, do math FOR FUN. Think about our national past-time, mah-jong. How much more mathematical can you get than that? Putting things into sets of threes, with your whole game based around odds of stringing together consecutive numbers or matching numbers. THAT IS WHAT WE DO FOR FUN.

And we love it to death, unliterally.

Meanwhile you have other races, that will drink tea and eat crumpets for fun (Brits) and listen to and buy up rap music like it was the gospel (WHITE FOLKS).

Speaking of the Brits, did you know the American version of the Office is a very blatant if not total rip-off of all the jokes done by the UK version? I originally thought that the US version was going to be LOOSELY based on the premise of the UK version, but I've heard exact lines (only with the weird British slang they use, like "wanker").

(looking at map of blog, I am here in tangent-factory-land, and I need to get back to original-idea-encorporated by following this cleverly inserted paragraph)

Ping Pong. The sport of mathematicians. Because that's basically all that it is. Physics. And so during the game as the little ball is batted around the table, the mind's of the players are racing to calculate where the ball will drop and at what angle their racket needs to be to successfully hit it back over the net.

And naturally, we as a race have the advantage in this sport. Whereas other races may have evolved the natural ability to jump higher and run faster, we have the ability to see numbers in our head and use them to our advantage. Something not very practical when it comes to sports, but feels oh so good when we can calculate the tax+tip of the dinner bill before all others with some time to spare for those other nagging questions in life (like if I were to plug pi into the theoretical equation of relativity, what would life be like then?).

Except for ping-pong. I claim that as the Chinese national sport. If your race has yet to lay claim to a national sport, then there are still plenty more available (including the aforementioned...yes...it really does seem like a long time ago...playing checkers with oneself). Feel free to choose from those.

Because this is something that should not be shared, even if you really do care.