Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Normally I'd Consider Myself A Cool Cat
Not anymore.
If you talk to me and I get all hissy/pissy like a cat about to be thrown in a tub of water, sorry.
Not anymore.
If you talk to me and I get all hissy/pissy like a cat about to be thrown in a tub of water, sorry.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
I Just Can't Catch A Break
Pre-Post
Althought I must say I'm quite adept at catching just about anything else. It's as if my hands came out as baseball gloves that's how good I am. Don't even bother asking me if I catch your drift because I am so far ahead of your drift that even those Initial D fellows would be jealous.
Did you like how I jumped from point A to point T without showing my steps? No? Didn't think so. Let me draw it all out for you.
Actually no I won't. Proofs are exhausting and so long-winded. Let's forgo that and pretend I did.
Actual Post
Some people win the lottery. Others may not have finished an important project only to find out the deadline had been extended. Other others would bet on a big underdog in a sporting event, and end up scoring big when the players on the other team suddenly are involved in a freak accident, such as three fans with their bodies painted blue pounding so hard on the arena glass that it falls over and crushes the players. I love pro-line commercials.
So this lucky gal is in a category by herself. And they say, she's so lucky, she's a star.* All I get when I'm in the shower gargling water is the taste of ... well something not good, I can't quite put my finger on it.**
Now I'm not an alcoholic. I'm not even an anonymous alcoholic. But wouldn't that be pretty cool? AA*** the AA (r**) - this is blowing my mind. Maybe I'll become an alcoholic just so I can go around introducing myself as the AA ... r**.
But think about the endless possibilities this story presents. Overlooking the fact that yes you can get piss drunk off the endless supply of beer, this actually has potential to be one of the greatest money making schemes in the entire universe. You see, it's simple. You find empty bottles, and you start peddling them on the streets. Cuz I'm so street. And genious.
Unfortunately, this will never happen to me. Because I just never get lucky enough to stumble across a great money-making scheme. I must sadly settle for reading about them on worldwidewebosphere.
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*I did just go all Britney Spears on you.
**Kingston water tastes like crap. When I say I can't put a finger on it, it's because I've decided not to think about it, thus enabling me to open my mouth during showers.
Friday, March 10, 2006
And I Thought It Was Impossible
Krispy Kreme Doughnuts are so good that...
I kinda sound like I'm making a "your momma is sooo fat that" joke, but I'm not so get back down in your seat son.
Krispy Kreme Doughnuts are so good that when I applied all my wonderful mathematical tools and computer algorithms skills I have acquired up til this point in my life, I arrived at the conclusion that it was theoretically impossible to make them any better.
Well, the good folks over at Krispy Kreme and Gateway Grizzlies* sure showed me. Now I want one, and by golly I will have one. Someday.
*My new favorite minor league baseball team. Represent South Illinois! REPRESENT! Yeah, holler. Durrrty south if ya know what I'm talkin about.
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Someone May Need To Verify This
Lack of sleep somehow makes your long term memory better. Abundance of sleep is needed for ingraining new things into memory.
I am definitely putting both statements to test by doing the lack of sleep thing. Hand me a labcoat, some wicked goggles and you can go 'head and call me a modern day scientist.
This sucks more than a kid working on a giant lollipop*.
*Is it spelled lollipop or lollypop? Maybe I'll experiment on that next. Take some random surveys. Correlate factors and all that fun statistical analysis st..zzzzz
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
What Else Am I Going To Miss?
They say they never really miss you until you dead or you gone, so on that note, I'm leaving after this song.
Except I just realized that the song I listened to just won itself an Oscar. Yes, please cue up the inspirational orchestral movement and maybe the beautiful scenary in the background that accompanies such a majestic song. All I need now is a relaxing afternoon, a nice backyard, a stick to throw at random kids playing in adjacent backyards thus ruining my picture perfect (pun always intended) afternoon, and me and my girlfriend (echo-me and my girlfriend)*.
Right? Left Wrong.
Three 6 Mafia took home the Oscar for their musical masterpiece** "It's Hard Out There For A Pimp". I'm glad somebody finally took the time to write a song about Pimpin'. It's important issues like Pimpin' that need to be addressed in society today.*** You KNOW we have enough music out there about social injustice or overcoming adversity.
I think I'm gonna go call up my buddy Ludacris and ask him to do a song about his Pimpin' exploits all over the world . Maybe Jay will help me out and drop a song about how he's such a Big Pimp. Or maybe I'll get on it, and write a song about pimp...les. Cuz I'm an expert, as my scarred face will attest to.
Thank you very much Three 6 Mafia. You know what this opens up the door for; Kanye West wanting an Oscar for his not-yet-made Mission Impossible Three theme. I kinda wished I watched the performance of the song at the Oscars though, because you know, this wasn't your average hip-hop crowd they were trying to cater to. These were uptight old folks (except for you Jamie Foxx except for you) who probably wouldn't take nicely to about 50% of them lyrics.
On a very far sided note, I'm glad Crash took home that Golden Statue Man. Not because of the horrible "Brokeback Mountain is now king of the Oscar hill" pun I would've quipped here on my blog, but because I was brought up in a household where you say NO to gay cowboys. That's just me.
Three 6 Mafia. Now you know. Mostly.
*How many Jay-Z lyric allusions can I throw into one post? I may explore this someday.
**Sarcasm starting to kick in, tryin real hard to supress it...
***No can-do, sarcasm has taken me over
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Why I Enjoyed Winter Retreat
1. The guest speaker, Domenic Ruso, was this amazing Italian dude. On the very first day, someone from our CCF group decided to go ask him if he knew where the water was. I guess it wasn't all bad to assume he worked there because he wasn't asian. Oh wait, is that borderline racist?!*
2. The amazing guest speaker made two specific references to two things I thought nobody amazing in the world, other than me, would have read up on beforehand. Exercise links with caution because these aren't warm and fuzzy Christian references.
- Post Secret, the blog version
- a story on cnn.com (because he also surfs the web for weird news stories**) about a genious parrot
3. The guest speaker, did I mention how amazing he was, is a drummer. So not only did he leave me with a lot of thoughts pertaining to the spiritual side of life, but also what I can do become a better drummer. Now that's application.
4. FREE COFFEE. No further discussion needed.
5. All the rest (deep breath) - JamminUntilFourAM SnowFun WarmFuzzyFun RandomJokeFun WatchinPranksFun NoSleep FunCatchinUpWithPeeps** LaughterAboutAnything Convictions NewLessons OldLessons Last Winter Retreat With The Majority Of The People I Really Know and Love?***
*Yes, yes it is. And snob, very snob. And totally awesome.
**But probably not to loserishly post with annotated observations on his blog.
***I never said peeps before. I will never say it again.
****OOH I said "Love". No. This asterisk was for the tear rolling down my face as I ponder this possibility.
Friday, March 03, 2006
Sloshed Frosh
Everyweek in Spanish Learning Lab, yes I have a lab section for the bird Spanish course I am taking, the prof requires four students to come up for show and tell.
As if Spanish wasn't gr.2ish enough already with the constant barrage of "now repeat after me class!"...'s, now we're gonna bring in our little items and describe their most basic characteristics. And I'm talkin BASICS here. Like what it is, what color it is and whether it is big or small, whether it makes you cry or smile, things that I could really care less about.
But it's fine by me (please see: easy marks). Last week a bunch of girls presented, and they brought in anything from meaningful pictures to souvenirs from places they visited to things that reminded them about home. You know, things that warm your heart up faster than chicken-soup-for-the-soul.
Today, two guys, whom I will assume to be frosh that just turned 19 and are now legal, brought in alcoholic beverages to present to the class.
First off, who brings alcoholic beverages to school for show-and-tell? That to me is the equivalent of entering a sauna with a bucket of ice hoping to make giant ice castles. Or like, bringing a knife to a gun-fight. It just ain't right.
School and alcohol should remain as separate as Jennifer and Brad. Unless you're using alcohol to make a boring class seem more lively*. Of which I would know nothing about.
And then to top it all off, one of the bottles was EMPTY. So here was this guy, presenting his alcoholic beverage, and by presenting I mean slurring all his words together to form one very long incoherant sentence IN SPANISH (which certainly doesn't help) while he's all red-faced** and giggly***.
It was a good way to end off a long week of classes. For me, not so much for the dude presenting.
*Oh...Maybe that's what he was doing.
**Okay, he wasn't red-faced.
***He definitely was slightly giggly.