*Preface - I'm procrastinating on my philosophy paper, which I was only working on as a cover for procrastinating on studying for Wednesday's exam. Nevertheless, for those that have been unwillingly & unwantingly(?) subjected to my football-rants of late, I apologize, and will attempt to word this football post in much more interesting terms. Seriously. You wouldn't even know I was talking about football if I didn't mention it here in my preface. But I didn't want to blindside you. So, you're welcome.

Have you ever played video-games with someone so ridiculously good looking?

For example, in the game of Goldeneye, they'd herd you into a corner, shoot you, pump a few more bullets in you after you're dead to leave blood stains on your character when you re-spawn, and when you do re-spawn, they've placed mines all over re-spawn locations and kill you all over again. Then they start playing with their left hand, playing with their back turned to the television, playing with their eyes closed and going for extended washroom/snack breaks, all while taunting you?

And just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, they cede control of half the controller to their little sister and still manage to rampage right over you.

As time begins to expire, you hear the beautiful sound of ticks counting down the time to the end of this deflating torture, yet they manage to shoot you once more from an insane angle when you thought you could just mercifully run out the time. So you chuck your Nintendo-64 controller at the television*, but because of the wire limitations, it manages to drop just short of the tele, the cherry on top of your embarrassment-chocolate-fudge-sundae.

I. Was. That Guy.

But more importantly, so are the 2007 New England Patriots! But back to the video game analogy.

Now, let's say that screen-looking is considered cheating. But it's one of those things that every gamer does and it's one of those things that only good gamers will actually use to their advantage anyways. Let's say the above great gamer (me) is called out by a newbling, who provides evidence of the great gamer screen-looking. The great-gamer gets a slap on the wrist, then proceeds to relentlessly decimate every opponent from that point on, even more so than before. They're not even blinking anymore because they're so focused beating people down and showing people they don't need to screen-look to be scary-good.

In two weeks, the world will witness that very great gamer, still very much hell-bent on getting revenge, going up against the newbie that ratted him out.

It is not going to be pretty. 100-0? It's realistic at this point.

That's the NFL! It's Faaaaaaaaaantastic!

*Out of control gaming controllers being hurled at television sets is a phenomenon that has been around a lot longer than the Nintendo Wii, which only made it popular thanks to the hilarious Youtube videos arising from such situations). If Youtube had been around in the Nintendo-64 days, there would've been hilarious Youtube videos of that too, probably from the same dumdums. You could disagree with me, but you'd be wrong.