Black/Grey/White. Very dark shades. Because that's what my life is. Dark. That is, without the light of Jesus. Just a crooked soul trying to stay up straight. And in that sense, when Jesus shines on my dark dark life, I cast this shadow that essentially proves the sunshine.
Yes, Jon Foreman did put those words into song format. So don't confuse me with being the most creative thing in the world. Just look at my blog. It's basically two boxes. That's it.
In a nutshell, this sums up my creativity.
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Posting while watching survivor. That's how I keep sane. Or else I think I'd be dying of laughter.
What's so funny about survivor?
Well think about the ridiculous challenges. Now think about the poor people that hafta be the challenge testers, just to make sure it's actually a challenge.
Hey guys, hate to break it to you, but today, the genious writers of the show decided it would be wicked fun to have a *dodge the falling boulders* challenge. We need you to determine how challenging this is, so we can judge whether or not this challenge should be for immunity or for reward.
*boulders fall*
Ah, so the challenge has been determined to be, whats the word, deathly. Thanks guys for your hard work. See you tomorrow when we test out the "jumping through the hoops of fire" challenege. Oh wait, you're dead. Nevermind then.
And as if imagining that wasn't laugh-inducing enough, we have walking jokes as contestants.
Case 1 - Guy who pretends to be sick all day only to "sudden bursts" of energy at challenges... that HAS to be one of the BEST strategies ever. Cuz not only does he get pampered at camp because oh, poor baby has shortness of breathe, but he's also the hero that pulls through for the win.
Case 2 - Ex - NFL Quarterback. ARE YOU KIDDING ME. Do you think that a person who played in the NFL needs an extra million bucks? Who's the screener who let this guy on the show. Actually, it'd be great if he won, then makes a passing remark at how it's one percent of his fortune, and that maybe now he can buy that thirtieth castle he's been dreaming about to complete his collection.
Case 3 -
Cmon...this guy is pure gold. Hey Jeff, thanks for stirring up the most trouble at tribal councils. Without you, all tribal councils would be the equivalent of watching the paint dry on a wall that hasn't been painted.
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1. Seven Things That Scare Me
*I will literally need a BOOK to kill one of these. Just to make sure that there is absolutely no contact between me and one of these thingies.
*Stairs
*Pretty Girls. No wait, that's Kwan. Me - Too good looking for my dream girl (conceited much?)
*The thought of outliving everyone I know
*Exercise
*The thought of becoming fat
*Contradictions
2. Seven Random Facts About Me
*I play lots of fantasy sports pools. Hey, I have my hobbies, you have yours.
*I like falling asleep to the sound of nothing.
*Soft tacos (burrito type thingies) are perferred over hard shelled tacos.
*Coffee in the morning, for lunch, afternoon teacoffee, a "put-me-to-sleep" coffee
*There is ALWAYS a song stuck in my head
*Most everything is/can be made into a joke
*Quite simply, I'm not normal in any way, shape or form
3. Seven Things I Plan on Doing Before I Die
*Become rich and/or famous
*Then post about it
*Travel the world
*Then post about it
*Write a song that doesn't suck
*Then post about it
*That's...about it
4. Seven Things I Cannot or Will Not Do
*Let my kids watch Dora the Explorer or Blues Clues
*Pay tons of money for clothes
*Drive below the speed limit
*Win a physical fight cleanly
*Stop blogging
*Conform
*Tag you with a meme
5. Seven Things I Say the Most
*"I'm hungry"
*"I don't feel like it."
*"So is your face"
*"Do I have to go?"
*"Please don't hurt me"
*"Shutup"
*"Because of your ugly face...Kwan"
6. Seven Celebs On Whom I Have A Crush
*Katie Holmes
*Mandy Moore
*Jennifer Aniston
*Kristen Kreuk
*Justine Henin Hardene/Kim Clijsters/Maria Sharapova...actually most women's tennis players
*Rachel Stevens
*Kanye West ... and SHUTUP
7. And Finally, Seven Souls I Have Ruined by Tagging Them
*I would never do such a thing. :)
*EDIT - Kwan Chan has since bugged me for this, so...tag..you're it
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*Disclaimer - This post may contain material slightly offensive to just about everyone.
I declare today PIRATE JOKE DAY! Let's have it! Feel free to offer some of your own favorite pirate jokes in the comments.
...Oh you want to know what MY favorite pirate joke is? Okay.
What do you call a black person who is flying a plane?
A PILOT, YOU RACIST!
*confused looks, followed by a cupcake thrown at me*
MOST asians are able to tell the differece between *pilot* and *pirate*. I have not yet developed that ability. (now who's being racist)
You know, there's a very wide open door for me to draw a common link to black people and pirates (think recent events...specifically a climate-related thing)...but...that's just crossing the line of scrimmage inviting harsh but well deserved verbal dropkicks to my forehead.
Hurricane Rita, please take it easy. People have been through enough already. Although, maybe this kid could use a small smack on the back of the head, to knock some sense into him or whatever sense he's using out of him.
Who do you think is most offended by this picture?
1) Black folk who see this as an example of wannabes picking the bad stereotypes.
2) White folk who see this as an example of how "innocent" white children are falling into the "dangerous" allure of Black culture.
3) Gun enthusiasts who would point out that the sideways gun pose is poor for accuracy.
4) Fellow wannabe's that are insulted by the tweety bird clock in the background, and how the gun is actually a BB gun.
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This is Bob. Everyone say hi to Bob, the Aqua Hedgehog. Now everybody give Bob a couple clicks to make him perform some tricks.
Bob would just like to take this opportunity to wish all the September babies a happy blappity birthday.
Mr. Chau(mmm...chau mein) I'm sorry I couldn't make it out for the pie in the face surprise party, but this is a well-deserved celebration for you.
Ms.Yip(yuppity yip), feel free to drop by for your complimentary drink on the house, or apartment.
Ms.Chung(chung...LI, hiie...ya), the roads are now yours. No more crying though, you're now almost an adult.
And of course, my very own
sisterBROTHER,
Chris. May you gets lots and lots of t-shirts. For those that don't know, Chris has only two t-shirts (rootsies and ecko).
Lastly, to my pals in HK and Western who will probably never read this wonderful piece of work.
A toast.
*sips the sparkling apple juice, all the champagne in this apartment was downed by one Gavin Chan*
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I drive a ghetto Jetta around. Or at least that's what people refer to it as. I like to call it battle-tested. But like any other battle-tested army, the costs just get higher and higher to maintain. You hafta keep your troops happy. Or your engine. Or your shocks. And most importantly, your oil. You know, or else your little army won't be a well oiled machine. I think I've just about lost myself.
That is why the time has come to trade in the Ghetto Jetta. At least that's what my parents have been saying for the last little while. AND they have sworn off getting any other Volkswagen because of the price it takes to repair/tune up. After about ten years, that cute little baby of a car you used to have turns into a pubescent teenager, sucking your wallet dry until the wallet itself is unable to cry out for water.
At first, I could care less. But now, this news breaks.
Now, all I can think about is ice-cream. And how nice it would be to have that audio input in my car.
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