Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Just Take It As It Comes  

Hello. You have reached the space some idiot takes a topic of his choice, and rambo's rambles on about it. Actually, he does rambo some topics good too. I mean, how many posts about G-Unit/R Kelly do we have to read about?! PUT THAT STICK DOWN, THE DOG IS DEAD.

Anyways, if you're reading this automated message that pops up (or pops below like the smart pop ups do now) when Buttug is unavailable to update his own crap, then any combination of the following may have happened:

1) He may have been locked in a supermarket, and even though the food was not blocking the door, he decided to eat his way out. He'll be back after the surgical procedures and the sewing up of his belly.

2) Turns out not being allowed to buy cigarettes for kids WAS the law and not just a suggestion. He'll be back in 3-5 years depending on parole.

3) He got stuck in front of a tv. Literally. Somebody must've laced that seat with glue good.

4) George Bush hates Chinese people.

Being his website, I'm gonna be the first, and definitly not the last, to say this, but I'm glad he's gone. How frustratingly irritating is this jerk? "Scientists this, drugs that! Click on link here, and Here, and HERE! My housemates are all jerks (just kidding), Look at me I'm funny, and I'm always right about everything all the time. Gonna make references to James Bond Jr., the logic behind Modus Ponens AND John Locke (not the Lost guy) just so I can seem nostalgic, mathematically rational, and knowledgable about the history of semiotics."

IT'S AN ALTERED VERSION OF THE SAME POST EVERYTIME. In fact, he stays up praying that a "What Power Ranger are You?" quiz comes along just to break up all the monotony. And when he finally gets shut down for good, who's gonna be the one to have their address deleted? That's right, me, the website. Who gets all the sketchy Google hits from people searching for "Buttugly Ciara and BowWow"? ME.

I'm just sayin. Cuz he'll probably be back soon, and probably be writing more of the same random stuff you've been accustomed to, over and over again. So you better be ready for that jelly.

And if he takes too long, I'll come back and update myself. Cuz I pretty much do everything else around here.

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 10:45 PM .


Sunday, December 25, 2005

Merry Christmas Buttug  

*unwrapping present*

Wow...my very own "54 for that Artificial Intelligence course". I've never wanted one of these, but always imagined what it would be like to get one.

Wait, what's this? It's a double gift! Seems like that mark came with the overly circulated toy "Parents that nag you about your future and your horrible marks"

Well the weather outside is frightful, and all I want to do is be spiteful.

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 1:03 AM .


Friday, December 23, 2005

Holiday Hours  



Regular posting shall resume after Christmas...or New Years or whenever. Til then, I'm gonna be a lazy eye. Til then, I'm out like school.

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 2:46 PM .


Monday, December 19, 2005

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?  

So it could screw you over by laying tons of eggs on the road to make it as slippery as a slip-n-slide or those darned slippery noodles in chicken noodle soup, always making it onto my spoon then falling back into the bowl, leaving me with spoonful of soup, and all the noodles clumped together at the bottom of the bowl. I digress.

What The Fugue!? <---- could've cost me $103 dollars. Luckily it didn't because I know da...rned well how to control my mouth

But that fine would've been small considering the price I'd hafta pay for this crime. I nominate this story for dumbest yet most confounding piece of news this year has heard yet.

And...I'm done. This post, exams, Stauffer Library. Everything's over. Sorry to hafta tell you this way Stauffer Library. It was a whirlwind two-week fling, but I just don't forsee a future between us. Oh stop it, no put those wheelie chairs away, I will not be swayed.

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 6:31 PM .


Thursday, December 15, 2005

Just Go Home  

So it's no secret I've been living at the library for the past, give-or-take (I'll take thank you very much), two weeks. And it seems like EVERYONE around me is in varying stages of the flu. Honestly, I wish I could just tell them all to stay home with a quick powerpoint presentation, because everyone loves a nice powerpoint presentation, highlighting these main points:

- You are sick
- You are going to get me sick
- I'm sick of you
- You don't really do anything around here except distract me
- The exit is that-a way
- I'm going to poison you

Yes, I know. It seemed too harsh to me too. Being the brilliant compromiser I am, I have thought up a fool-proof solution. Today, I will be sippin my coffee and pouring over my books, while sending a not-so-subtle message with my brand new (imaginary) T4 Stryker Personal Protection System.



As Michael Buble would sing, "I just want YOU to go home"
Okay, so I remixed it. Boo-hoo.

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 12:25 PM .


Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Jingle Bells, All is Swell  

TURN OFF YOUR SPEAKERS
Now, go play with the winter snow-globe!

Bored now? Alright, turn on your speakers, and GO PLAY IT AGAIN! Adds a couple new dimensions to the fun. In fact, don't even shake the globe, just watch the little people interact.

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 9:56 AM .


Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Mel Melted My Ice Cream Dream  

Check out that title. Stuffed with alliterations, rhymes, and even a pun. I guess I was feeling generous today. And usually I leave the title of the post for last because I don't want to waste my incredible wit on a catchy title then have nothing in the actual post itself. That's bait and switch people. Very illegal. Don't want to walk that fine line because my balance has been off lately (heavy on the school....light on everything else except the food)

But this, this just came naturally. Very impulsive. All you need to know is that some "Mel" sent me this pictorial explaining where ice cream comes from. Now, I will never curl up in my bed with a tub of ice cream again. And to think, I spent half a year scooping that stuff into cones for other people. If I ever scooped some ice cream for you, I appologize.

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 11:33 AM .


Monday, December 12, 2005

Finally Proven  

Yup I knew it all along. I was born a couch potato.

Intelligent Design: The belief that some systems are so complex and advanced they show evidence of having been designed by an almighty Creator.

Proof:



You can look past the structure of Hemoglobin and how its great organization and function allows my brain to receive oxygen. You can even forget the sweeett Apple products available on the open market. This one "set" is more than enough proof for me. Can a brother get an amen?!

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 10:11 AM .


Friday, December 09, 2005

Demotivation  



And the forecast for ButtUg today: Death By Meteor. At least thats what it feels like.

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 10:25 PM .


Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Happy Birthday...ME?! No...Jeffrey  

*Earlier this morning*
*me examining the contents of a package (lots of CANDY!) received in the mail*
*housemate walks in*

Housemate: Why do you have a package? OH CRAP. Was it your birthday?
Me: ...yes?
Housemate: I'm sorry that I didn't know.
Me: *mummble mummble* yeah two days ago *mummble mummble*
Housemate: Why don't you ever tell us these things!?! BAH!

Also one of the housemates who wished me happy birthday over the summer with a birthday cake...during my ACTUAL birthday. What a guy.

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 5:48 PM .


Monday, December 05, 2005

The Takeover  

Nah, this aint no post about Jay.

Mark this day in your calendar folks. Ten years down the road, look back and go "How did Buttug know all this crap? He was never gifted with prophecy." Well I'll tell you, I wasn't the only one who had enough time to think through all this garbage.

This blog post is co-written by myself, the Most MuthaLovin BibleReadin Gangsterified WriterOfRandomness ThinkerOfThoughtsSoWeird ButtUg, and the still considered Psuedo Housemate, ChocolateLovin IHaveASexyGooseVoice Sue (as in psuedo, cmon...keep up now, got a lot to run through here today. Ahhhh you get it...its quite clever...put your cheque in the mail please and address it to 311 Apt9 thanks).

Ten years down the road, Apple and Starbucks would have realized that world domination was something laying in the middle of their palms, and all they had to do was put their two separate hands together to finally capture this dream that a mighty Brain and a not-so-mighty Pinky never were able to fulfill.

It all starts with the introduction of the "Apple-buck". Where one Apple-buck is the equivalent of 7.42pi American dollars. Because if you use Apple products, you're probably a nerd and would appreciate how "normal people" would squirm when asked to convert their old currency to new currency.

Everytime you decide to waltz into a Starbucks to buy a coffee, and you let the cashier see your Apple product that you are carrying, you get...A FREE APPLE! Why an apple other than the linkage between the company name and the fruit name? Well because ten years down the road, well actually even right now, health will be all the rage. Technically this doesn't make much sense, because the caffeine in the coffee would offset any nutritional value provided by the apple.

But the one thing people are more concerned about than health? IMAGE. I mean picture this. How hip would you be if you bouncin to your very own IPod beats, all the way down the street, clutching a theoretical Mocha LatteChino (there's no such thing...especially not Grunion flavor), while snacking on an apple?

Now this is all fun and good, but wait a second, you said that you weren't prophetic. Where are you comin from Buttug/Sue?

Signs of things to come:
- Chris Martin/Gwyneth Paltrow naming their kid "APPLE". Just you watch, a couple years down the road, they change their last name to "MartinI", and coincidentally, a new drink to be offered at starbucks, the Apple Martini.

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 1:12 PM .


Sunday, December 04, 2005

I Intend to try this  



Maybe at the library tomorrow. If there aren't any seats when I get there.

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 11:59 PM .


Saturday, December 03, 2005

I'm Sorry I Lied  

"Buttug, are you gonna blog about this?"
"No...there's really nothing to blog about here."

These events are occuring in real time...I don't even have time to put up the fancy dancy 24 INTRO SCREEN that I did before.

Right across the street, two firetrucks have pulled up and have effectively limited all passing traffic to one lane. Three, now four, fireman have entered the house. There does not appear to be a fire. Maybe a cat is stuck up an indoor tree.

Two firemen have exited. One pedestrian has slowed down while staring at the events unfolding.

Now I can see nothing. There's a creepy woman at the frontdoor who I assume is talking to the firemen hidden from my field of vision. Haha, funny, I was just studying my neuroscience vision notes.

The two firemen that left the house are discussing something out on the street. Probably talkin about what a horrible pick Kurt Thomas was to their fantasy basketball teams. Oh...they're busting back in!!! WIth oxygen tanks...

Two of my housemates are huddled up against one window along with a special guest. I really need to study. But, the drama, I can't resist the drama.

...

Nothing's happening.

...

Up on the top floor of the building, there's an equally nosy girl clutching a camera trying desperately to get a good shot of the events occuring at the base of her house. Sucker, I got a much better angle. Too bad I gots no camera skils.

What?! Thats it! The firemen are gone! NO EXPLOSION!? All this commotion and no big payoff?! This is horrible script writing. I sure hope this show tanks...

Oh wait, real life. Hello.

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 4:06 PM .


Friday, December 02, 2005

New Level Of Laziness?  

So here we go. Don't have time to post, so I left my blogger logged on someone else's computer so they could post for me...right after I bring you anecdote from the chem professor today.

Biochem Prof Says:"All you have to do is bring the two molecules within close proximity to each other and watch them react! Like Angelina and Brad! It's crazy! And unstable."

And now for the main event. Remember, this isn't me. This post is brought to you by ChoKan

Hahaha that's funny I'm A****. I thought of that myself! I think magic crystal balls are cool.you should think thye're cool too..too bad Alicia hates it..oh well

Alicia loves math and physics

So there was a tomato and then it said to the dog "Hi dog i think that i am a potato" but i'm not a potato so why do i think i am a potato? So the flower started growing on the dog's head and it said hello! And like there are just so many bottles of orange juice and like works is so much so sometimes i like Gladys' man tape thing cuz it's cool and it's from Hong Kong. Mouse pen and daegoos, fat arm rests and green grass make me happy. so one time it was so like thing and so the thing was like thing you know? And so i was like yo! Thing dude!! That was so thing!! So ..yeah..thing..and then she hadta go to thing so i was like oh thing! so i thinged. and then ..there were a lot of things..thing! all the cows are jumping over the angry lamp post.


*Edit...by ButtugMcOysty*
What a great kid! And well if your still not laughing because of the utter confusion, then try this, also courtesy of ChoKan

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 2:19 PM .


Thursday, December 01, 2005

So you think you're in love  

Scientists have discovered this "nerve growth factor" that is present in people that have recently fallen in love. After a year, this growth factor has faded so much that there is really no distinction between them and people not in love.

Alright. I'm a horrible scientist, as my Organic Chemistry and Biology labs will prove (ZERO PERCENT YIELD!? HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE!?). But I think I would've extended this little experiment, stretched it out to two years, and then observe.

The rule is that you not only have to get rid of something, you always have to REPLACE that something that you either lost/got rid of. So if the nerve growth factor is gone after a year, by year two, there should be other factors such as the "Hey, shutup I'm watching Alias" factor, or the "I will break your *insert generic item (like a guitar)* if I trip over it again" factor, or the "Pick up your own darned socks" factor, and the ever so popular "Put the seat down after you're done or I'm gonna glue it down" factor.

Again, I'm a horrible scientist. But I'm just sayin.

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 12:15 PM .