Stuttering while talking to the girl of your dreams. Walking into a pole during your fifteen seconds of fame because you were too focused on waving to the camera while walking past a taping of the news on your local television channel. Scoring "very feminine" on one of those very retarded Internet test thingies, while your friends intently watch on. Proudly and loudly yelling out "5" when answering the question "What is two plus two?".

Embarassing.

But more embarassing than all of the above - watching your own baby videos in the company of people you know.

Watching by yourself would be considered sad. Watching with others will send blood to your face faster than said girl of your dreams telling you that "she loves you lots".

Under no circumstances are you to watch your own baby videos. Actually, any video of you before the age of social and self consciousness should be stored away in the vault with all random gross collections of toenails.

I need a moment.

Okay let's go again.

There is one big exception, that being the video will cinematically exonerate yourself. Walk with me.

My dad had been spreading stories about how I was such an idiot when I was younger, that one time I decided to go down the slide feet first...

...on my stomach.

So you know when you reach the end, how the slide levels out (just like a hockey stick...is it sad that I'm thinking about hockey in the middle of July?). Apparantly if you go down on your stomach feet first, your forehead gets introduced to the leveled out section of the slide. Think about it, it's simple physics. The force of gravity coupled by the displacment of an idiot kid equals work a job well done.

Watching the video, I cringed everytime I watched myself slide down the slide, thinking that that would be it. I must've gone down the same slide twenty times, in five minutes. Yes, the golden years when I had the energy. Now when I glance at a slide, I get tired.

And then, it happened.

My brilliant brother goes down the slide, on his stomach, feet first. Then he proceeds to smash his forehead into the level section of the slide and then starts bawling.

Did I mention how much I loved my baby/kid videos.