after generating a record-setting amount of comments, i vowed to bring back "sports puns". and i've since received breaking news that my favorite women's tennis player, henin-hardene had "justine" nuff (ha it was funnier when i said it out loud) to finish off sharapova.

and it has been rumored that a deal has almost been brokered between the NHL and the NHLPA.
Bob Goodenow has been heard saying "its almost a sure bet, man"
Gary Bettman has been heard saying "its all good now"

turns out i offended a certain portion of my readership with my teddy graham awards. so without mentioning names, i will award a few more awards just to smooth things over.

the "midnight snack" teddy grahamy - the award for the person who stayed up the latest on average...derek wins this hands down...on certain nights he would still be awake when some of us were waking up for 8AM lab or sth ridiculous. derek also takes home the "most unecessary phone calls home" award, as well as the "most willing to share food" award, in addition to the award i gave him earlier. he now clearly has taken home the most awards, so he gets another teddy grahamy for "teddy grahamy of the year"

the "teddy grahamy with no head" - the phrase that is so overused that i never want to hear it again for a year until i bring it back and cause another storm...tied between "lean back" and "drop it like its hot". everyone jumped no the lean back ship, and i singlehandedly killed drop it like its hot.

the "foreign" teddy grahamy - the award for a housemate who was actually not a housemate by default goes to maria, who also gets acknowledgement for the few dishes she washed for us here and there and for the cookies she baked for us. she also takes home the "most frequent visitor" award

the "couch" teddy grahamy - the award for our favorite couch goes to the ... wow i'm incredibly torn. i know the stupid egg chair aint winnin cuz it just took up space and was never used except to put our jackets on. i'm gonna go with...wow i honestly dont know...lets call it a draw.

and finally, the "mike" teddy grahamy - ... mike u win, and u cant resent this award.

thats it. no more awards. no more whinners i mean winners.

looks like the Heat(ha!) is now on the Pistons to deliver in game 4.
out west, the Suns trip to the finals are about to Spur-ned (ha!) by San Antonio.

in non-basketball news, the Blue Jays are flying high (ha!) with the 'Doc' treating (ha!) fans to a complete game shutout.

and whats the deal (ha!) with the NHL and the NHLPA? just give me back hockey for the love of...well hockey.

lastly, danica patrick had the finished fourth in yesterday's indy 500 race, the highest showing for a woman ever.

... no pun for racing, mostly because nobody really cares for racing and because my bad puns are probably driving (HA couldnt help myself) you crazy

and i'm out...of bad puns, for now

some odd reason, the subway was much more crowded than any other friday since i started work. then for other odd reasons the subway decided to CRAWL all the way from bloor (which i think is pronounced like 'blue-er') to sheppard. it was kinda funny to watch cars stuck in rush hour passing the subway...

then on my walk home from sheppard to citation, i had come to stop at a red light. alongside me pulls this car with the top down...i look inside and see this guy bobbing his head to his music. then it dawns on me that he's listening to BRITNEY SPEARS (me against the music)....coolness factor spiked up..then down really quickly.

sad part was, i knew most of the lyrics to that song...

speaking of britney, remember her song "oops i did it again"?
u know the one that went:
"oops i did it again
i played with ur heart
got lost in the game.
Oh baby baby
Oops, you think I'm in love
That I'm sent from above
I'm not that innocent."

remember? i'm actually not going anywhere with this post, just thought it'd be fun to get a song stuck in ur head for the weekend. YOUR WELCOME.

happy weekend...i'm out, like britney spears, except she's tryin to weasel her way back in with her new show "chaotic". so please write letters, send emails, sign petitions...whatever it takes to CANCEL THAT SHOW

of course, i cant do an america appreciation blog week without lauding its shopping potetial. i am a person of bad style, not much variety in clothing, and i barely do my own shopping. but even I was able to come back home with an impressive haul of clothing and other items.

I don't think its necessarily the quality, or the quantity of items. Its definitly the ridiculous prices that fuel me to buy items I would not normally buy, or would hold out for a sale in Canada (cuz stuff I want NEVER goes on sale...should be an addition to murphy's law). It helps that the sales tax is lower down there.

my working theory is that the clothing is cheaper down there because, okay now stick with me, the food down there is ridiculous. I'd like to hazard a guess and say that Americans will eat out more often than us (at least us Chinese ppl that have our mother's cook us nice meals every night). This leads to larger bellies, causing the higher clothing turnover...ha farfetched huh

of course the music albums i want happen to drop AFTER i come back from the states. but after anticipating the new common sense album, which due to the canadian taxing system, legally has to be called common 1.15 cents, i had to buy.

on the topic of money, i think whoever decided to use a pricing system that included pennies is an idiot. i say we start over. take all the pennies of this world, melt them together into a penny statue of bronze and put it on sale for $100.01. that way no one would ever be able to buy it due to the lack of pennies...and that would piss people off and remind them how stupid pennies are in the first place. yeah. stupid pennis that weigh down my wallet.

(track 9)

its not like there arent real people up here in canada. but the people down in the states are real...stupid sometimes that is. and its probably because they get more media coverage than we do. take for example their politicians. i think i know more about american politics/politicians than i do about canadian politics/politicians...which is slightly retarded. but thats just the way it goes.

and then there's just the other random people that start up random stupid things. like remember when the americans were all pissed off at the french for not joining the war with them? leadnig to freedom fries? i stumbled across this very amusing conversation a lil while ago and thought i'd share:

Me: Some restaurants changed "French Fries" to "Freedom Fries" on their menus because of the whole UN thing.
Him: Come on. That sounds like an urban legend.
Me: No way -- it was on the Internet so it's gotta be true. And I guess some stores stopped carrying French wines, too.
Him: Yeah, I'm sure people who think "Freedom Fries" is a good idea are huge consumers of French wine. France will be economically devastated!
Me: Hah hah!
Him: What about "French Toast."
Me: Now it's "Liberty Toast".
Him: Gotcha. Are any other country names off-limits now? What about "Iraq"? Can we still say "Iraq"?
Me: No, now you have to substitute patriotic words for "Iraq". Like, when you're playing pool and you're between games, you can't say "I rack?" You have to say "Justice?"
Him: Right, right. And when frat boys are checking out girls, now they say "Holy crap, bro: she has democracy that won't quit!"

of course it wasnt ME...but i found it very amusing. very rarely do i get to trade barbs with another person about canadian politics and how stupid it is. but there's always a good arnold joke or a bush joke... or even a john kerry joke

so for americans being reallly stupid, and thus amusing to me, i applaud them.



and im out..like the french, in that war

update
while conversing with my "co-worker in a different company", i used a abreviation for "hong kong", HK, at which point he asks me if hk stood for high school and why somebody would be going back to high school...
i am JUST as amused as when i first read that conversation i posted earlier...
i also want to send my friend back to high school, so if anyone has any spare postage on them and a giant envelope...let me know

(track 2)

my excursion to michigan led me to a small town named "South Lyon", outside of Ann Arbor (University of Michigan). the whole town is divided into smaller "subdivisions", which is basically the equivalent of a "neighborhood" in toronto. except, each subdivision would have one entry point from the main road, and an impressive lil sign at the entry point. the sub i stayed in was a quick 5 minute walk to a nice lil pond. and the houses, while not mansions, were very nice two story houses. and one dude had one of those inflatable jumping castles out on his front lawn.

i think we should all have an inflatable jumping castle available to us. but thats besides the point. in toronto, if i had an inflatable jumping castle on my lawn, i actually wouldnt have an inflatable jumping castle at all as it would've been stolen within a daY. i mean if ppl have the guts to come steal my mother's sunflowers, then i dont think my castle will last.

glass doors (i love glass doors) were left unlocked, garages wide open, car windows rolled down...it was SO SAFE. in fact, when we left the car windows rolled down, our michigan hosts were more worried about RAIN than anything being stolen. whereas in toronto, its not good to have anything in plain view in the car...
"A**** cover up that plastic bag!"
"its a PLASTIC BAG"
"but people might break into ur car thinking something is in it"

honestly who steals plastic bags? and for that matter sunflowers?
pansies...

also paid a nice visit to another family that owned a nice big plasma tv...i watched poker on a plasma tv in hdtv...for an hour...never once bored...

and i'm gone...like my mother's sunflowers

this week's blog posts will be dedicated to the U.S.A., the underappreciated states of america, with a focus on michigan

today's topic: The Food (also known as track 8!)

bottomless fries, buffets that serve up steaks and classed up mcdonalds...all things i experienced while in michigan.

bottomless fries: what a novel idea! (now i know why an average american is fatter than an average canadian). i'm sure places do that up here in canada too, but i'm pretty sure its more popular in the states. and VERY GOOD fries too....mmm i still feel the oil dripping down my throat.

classed up mcdonalds: there were COUCHES in mcdonalds! and tv's! we chilled there for an hour! oh and the apple dip thingies...very good :)

buffet that served up steaks: well this was a very interesting buffet. it was a very "southern" styled diner, meaning lots of fried food...and lots of african-american people...like LITERALLY...we stuck out like sore thumbs...pretty good food, but a lil intimidating. we mutter one wrong word, we're chinese food for those homies. i dont know how we even chose that restaurant! after 30 minutes of lining up for that steak, and eating really really quickly, us "kids" quickly ran to the grocery store next doors to hang out while waiting for our parents.

for sure the food is greasier and the portions are bigger, rendering the average american slightly larger than us canadians...but DARN THE FOOD IS GOOD...i think i would have had a lot more to say about food if only my parents would've allowed me a detour to white castle...i'm still sad about not going..i didnt even get to take a picture :( NEXT TIME FOR SURE

i think i gained like 5 pounds on this trip alone..geez

and im out...like i finished dinner at the buffet.

i dont actually have an uncle sam...at least one i know of...not even a "fake" uncle who i just call uncle! but yes this is me blogging from a "circuit city" store in Michigan, where behind me is this sweet Sony 17'' LCD monitor I am planning to watch the basketball game on (because my parents are walking around shopping)

if ur wondering why im not wandering around shopping, its cuz i pretty much get EVERYTHING i came here looking for...and some! more on that to come...but this is probably my most impressive haul of items that i can remember...and its not that much, its just a lot for me...the guy who never spends more than say 30 bucks on clothes :)

wow this laptop i'm using has a pretty sweet feel to it. only 1099.95...i'll consider it!

oh...and while driving on the road here...we passed a certain restaurant that I MUST HAVE before i go back to canada...it would make harold and kumar proud ;)

under and out (get it...i'm down south!?...and still incredibly retarded as i always am)

live from fab-tastic Rogers building in downtown Toronto, its the first annual Teddy Grahamy Award show!
here is your host (audience stands up and starts clapping)....ME! (audience stares in
disbelief and silence)

i promised i would do "house" awards, and here's how its gonna happen. after ever award handed out, i will eat one teddy graham...that is all, lets get started!

"naked teddy grahamy", the award for the person with the least amount of clothing on their body on average goes to....kwan!
*munch*

"pet teddy grahamy", the award for our favorite house pet goes to...the fly! The bat and the potato spud were close behind in this category, but we were really more scared of those two than we actually liked them.
*munch*

"doctor teddy grahamy", the award for the person who had the least amount of 'sick days' goes to...derek! how the heck he did this while using a baceteria infested cup for brushing his teeth, thats his secret.
*munch*

"yummiest teddy grahamy", the award for the item of food that was consumed mroe than any other goes to...chicken! in its many wonderful and versatile forms, chicken pulled away from eggs and brocolli in this category. shake and bake? that sounds great! chicken thigh? my my my...! chicken breast? less used than the rest. chicken wings? ding ding ding ding!!!!
*munch*

"ear-shattering teddy grahamy", the award for the person that talks the loudest goes to...mike! whether its random squealing or yelling, mike takes this category hands down. he tried to justify his loud voice by saying he owned a "gifted public speaking voice" but that was just a coverup for the fact that he's insanely loud...and i thought drums were bad for my ears.
*munch*

"wear/tear teddy grahamy", the award for the most used item (or person) goes to...the tv remote! i single handedly won this thing for the remote, altho the toilet and stupid light in the corner of our apartment were close seconds.
*munch*

"the other wear/tear teddy grahamy", .... kwan u win ... i'm not explaining this one
(i actually dont even want to eat a teddy graham after handing out this award)

"prettiest teddy grahamy", the award for the prettiest housemate goes to...adrian! with his perfect posture, and his stunning facial features, this made-for-pictures specimen will soon win me a dollar (u must win me the dollar b4 u get this award aids)
*munch*

did everyone honestly think that end the awards without giving even ONE to myself? cmon, i may be humble, but everyone wants to win....so i'll give myself one:

the "rockin-est couch potato that'll clean your house until you can eat off your floors and by far has the best music/tv taste but is too lazy to get off his @$$ to do anything teddy grahamy" goes to me.

yeah i ran out of ideas near the end of this post...also running out of things to do at work. and running out of teddy bears now...

inspired by my last blog post, i headed out to find flat bugs. instead, i came across a much more intriguing prospect ... flat TURTLES. yes i have successfully found a turtle crossing, and i happen to know that cars dont stop very often for these turtles...

okay okay, so its not a turtle crossing. but i mean cmon...thats what ur gonna think when u first look at the sign right? they could've made the words a lil larger and the turtle a lil smaller.

ha you know what would be really ironic? if a car going 100km/h somehow manages to see the sign and slams on the breaks, only to flatten a turtle, whereas if the car had maintained its speed, it would've blew right by the turtle which wouldn't have made it to the road yet! bahaha stupid turtles

(click on picture for larger sized photo to read the text if u cant see it)

i wasnt aware that there was a "set key" for worship, well besides my really really biased opinion that E is a very comfortable and easy to play in key. hmmm all things i need to consider!

or MAYBE the sign is saying a new key was found! ooo i wonder was this key was
some possibilities:
the larger than life "h" key (OOOO)
the ever elusive "key to life"
the key that unlocks ur door, speaking of which i still need a "key" for my workplace so i can actually leave the building and GET BACK IN without being hassled (this option actually doesnt make ne sense)
or the key of "A-flat bug"

i wonder how a flat bug would sound like...would i even be able to worship to a flat bug sound? or would i be too distracted? hmmm, something i can think about as i go to bed...or better yet...what happens if BR refuses to run to 1B because of a flat bug in between 1B and home? whats the call?...i better know for tomorow...

4:30 hits, i'm outta the office, and a quick 10 minute stroll to yonge and bloor for a ride on the "better way", your friendly neighborhood ttc, which then decided to screw me over by picking MY STOP to NOT STOP...i believe the purpose of digging a huge hole in the ground and building a platform is to let people OFF the subway.

so one station later, i finally get off. wait an extra TEN MINUTES for a train going back the other way, all while i'm steamin furious at the ttc for not opening their doors. they try to take such good care of their doors but for what!!! so they can NOT OPEN? i mean look at this ridiculous sign:



like i'm gonna obey the sign after the stupid doors decide not to open. altho, i'm sure the sign is there to protect stupid people from falling down when the doors open and they were leaning too hard...

ah whatever, i'm sure my rage at the ttc will blow over, i mean i do hafta get along with the ttc if i'm gonna be using it 5 days a week for the next 4 months.

oh, and if ur wondering whatsup with me and all these photos on my blog, i'm tryin to make use of my camera because i ignored it the whole year. i'm not the greatest photographer in the world, nor am i the most creative, but i'm gonna try to have some random photos now and then. i think one of the things a good photographer should possess is the gift of being "still"...see i'm very shaky (possibly due to my lack of muscle mass)...but it leads to blurred photos at times. so for the above photo i had to lean on the subway door just to make it crisper and clearer

8:30am - stumble into the building that i thought i worked in, its only my second day, and this is my first time coming in from this entrance. and this is what i see in front of me:



the HECK? HOW MANY SUBWAY STOPS DID I MISS? actually who cares, i've been going on and on about how i want to go out to the west coast, i guess this isnt that bad of a situation.

turns out it was my building, and i was still in toronto. thats a shame. maybe this mysterious sign will be explained to me.

"i was told everything that happen, happen for a reason
and one mans' forever might be Gods' season
...
you can find love but quickly get lost in it
i fostered it, knowing i'd be there for a while
learning to be a man, but loving like a child
...
i see where God sent me loud and clear
if not for the smiles and the tears i wouldnt be here
...
nobody knows what life may bring
it might make happy, it may make you sad
but i know there's a reason for everything
thats why i keep believing, whatevers meant to be, is gonna be
...
If I had to do it all again,
I wouldnt take away the rain,
Cuz i know it made me who I am.
If I had to do it all again,
I've learned so much from my mistakes,
And thats how I know he's watching me."

snippets from Faith Evans (ft. Common) - Again

not just any mall, but the biggest darned shopping mall in ontario! next time i go though, i should remember to bring my wallet with me, or it kinda defeats the purpose. even if the purpose was just for me to see the mall, because apparantly, thats it in mississauga, nothing else to see!

but my "trip" was very nice, the air was more crisp than toronto air, and the streets were less congested, and the RADIO STATIONS! well nothing, they were the same as toronto ones (duh). and i scored an incredible dinner on top of that, so good times in general.

i want to play softball. i'm also craving chocolate cake...again.

maybe its just me being a lil on edge right now
but here's a sample of the types of conversations i can expect in the two places i can call "home"

kingston:
housemate1 - lets play mariokart!
housemate2 - no lets jam!
housemate3 - lets do both!
me - okay
(housemate 4 is noticeably absent...bahaha okay very few ppl will get that)

toronto:
mother - eat your fruits a****, and u need to drink milk to satisfy ur daily calcium intake or else u'll get osteoporosis
me - yes mother (not really agitated, appreciating the motherly concern)
father - really i think u need to understand the difference between ram and processor speeds
me - for the 20th time, my slow computer is SLOW IN GENERAL (very agitated at this point)

oh well on a happier note (if thats possible):
a**** y* has bought himself a set of dumbells, very small ones that weigh no more than 10 pounds...so laugh while u can, because this weakling is about to transformed into, (dramatic drumroll please), less of a weakling. maybe i should take those b4 and after shots. on second thought, nevermind.

upon my arrival to toronto, i come across this interesting looking box. since then, i have been trying to picture what is inside this very nice looking briefcase styled thing if you will. i have discovered a key. it turns the lock, yet i still cannot figure out how to open the box. my quest continues...

its funny tho, cuz even tho i know whats on the other side of the box, i really just want to see for myself. its very, human nature, of me.

actually a lot of things are very human nature about me. as those little booklets that we hand out as tracts would ask me, "a****, are you a good person", my answer is NO.

time to go eat some comfort food.

*--- edit ---*
SUCCESS - put the key in the hole, turn the key, take out the key, open the box...a**** u idiot (where are my housemates to call me an idiot..where oh where)