I intentionally delayed writing something about this new season of Survivor, where the tribes are initially separated by race, because in the first episode, NOTHING HAPPENED. My guess is that the first episode was supposed to sell the shock of this "new and fantastic social-experimental" way of dividing the tribes, but let me tell ya, shock factor goes out the door when the gimmick is leaked a month or so before the actual show is aired.

So after sitting down, expecting fireworks to fly, bombs to be blasted, stereotypes to be portrayed, and tensions to boil over, I disappointedly came away empty-handed, with no ammunition for this blog of mine.

The only person being slightly racist was a member of the Asian tribe, Cao Boi (pronounced Cowboy, which is ridiculous in its own right because that name should've been reserved for somebody from Texas, and THAT RIGHT THERE was more racist than anybody else has been on the show, and I don't even know if that's even considered racist), and he was only poking fun at the ASIANS.

There's an understanding that if you're of a certain group, you're mostly allowed to make fun of that group, of course with some lines that should never be crossed. But similar to how black people have no problems calling themselves, uhm, ninja's (use your imagination, and go check out Ask A Ninja), and just like how I poke fun of some people for being extra-short, extra-loud-mouthed, extra-analytical, or extra-absentee, things may be said, but things are also understood.

I miss my house-mates, it's so sad we had to separate and go our own ways and blubber blubber blubber. FALSE.

No actually, I really do, but The Office is back and is still hilarious.

So with that all and more being written, I will now stereotypically analyze this episode of Survivor. It's all in good fun, and I'm plenty bored.

And from now on, because I'm starting to feel mighty weirded out by the over-usage of some of these words, I am going to rename these teams. Here goes nothing:

Blacks: Soul-Power
Latinos: Latinos (it's not weird calling them that)
Whites: Americans
Asians: MY TEAM

How Race Affected The Happenings On Tonight's Episode of Survivor

Speaking of Russian, does anybody else feel bad for John Leclair? You know, the guy who took out the superstar hockey player imported, no, SMUGGLED out of Russia leading to international uproar and all that other good fun foreign policy stuff? IN HIS FIRST NHL game, no less the PRE-SEASON? Like boy, if Evgeni (superstar dubbed best hockey player not playing in the NHL) does NOT make it back in time to buoy the Penguins to a respectable season, how many crazy Pittsburgh fans will have their shotguns ready to gun this man down? That's just horrible luck.

1. MY TEAM is smarter.
There is a certain amount of mental aptitude needed to play the game of Survivor, especially needed to manipulate other players, but also needed to navigate your way through demanding challenges. MY TEAM has been two for two in challenges and although the latest one was rather close (they tied for the win), they completely trashed the Soul-Powers and the Latinos in both. Only the American's have been close.

They say that an average human uses only about 10% of their brain. I'd say that the people represented by my team use about 12%, giving us the edge.

And as a sidenote, from now on, whenever I get asked, "What would be the one super-power you would like to have?", I'm going to reply, "To use 100% of my brain". I picked that up somewhere, but I fail to remember, because, I only use 10% of my brain.

2. You DON'T leave a member of MY TEAM alone with a logic-puzzle which when solved, is rewarded immensely.
Another twist in this game is that the losing team choose one member of another tribe to spend two nights on an island by themselves, aptly named "Exile Island". While it is not the greatest news to hear, the additional twist is that hidden somewhere on the island is an Immunity Idol, and Immunity is what you want in a game of Survivor.

This guy, puts two and two together, and digs himself up the idol, thus giving him an ace in his pocket, on top of his already dominating tribe.

3. If it wasn't obvious, I'm cheering for MY TEAM.
It's not uncommon for a viewer to pick sides early on in any show, much less Survivor. But now I have to be careful what I say when expressing my delight or disgust for the events that unfolded on Survivor.

Whereas before I could walk into my office, and announce "JABUAU just STEAMROLLED over them TAMBAQUI's", it would not go over so well if I pop up 9am in the morning and state "So the Americans really walked all over the soul-power's last night huh".

Because they have been for the past few hundred years. And while the truth is funny, the truth is also hurtful.

4. I really feel compelled to make a fourth point even though I don't have one.
Because it would've been pretty jerk if I teased making a really long list and it ended up containing only three items. A bullet point list would've sufficed in that case. And you, my readership, have come to expect longer and better lists. I've built a blogging career on making lists at least four or five items long, I'm not about to disappoint. Even if this post has dragged on long enough.

I guess I'll take this opportunity to thank Jeff Probst for bringing us this extremely boring social experiment. And it behooves me to think of the only logical gimmicks for the next season of Survivor, unless it is canceled, but most probably won't be because fools like me still watch.

I mean, they've divided tribes by race, gender, age (if I remember correctly) and IQ (which is semi-equivalent to race, okay that went too far, I apologize).

"Next season on Survivor, we pit the ugly people against the good-looking people!"

or... (and prepare yourselves now)

"Next season on Survivor, we put faith to the test as we divide people by their religion!"

Oh (cow) boy.