I received an email titled "Want to be a hero in bed?". I deleted it right away, not because it was obviously spam (it was filtered directly into the spam folder), but because I'm already a hero, one that can be only classified as super. And it's not like my powers fade away when I go to sleep at night, or while I'm reading books on my bed with my sheets tucked securely around me in cocoon formation.

My Spidey senses are indicating that my interpretation of the email may not have been what the email was actually trying to convey.

I offer proof of me using my powers for good: O.J.'s book is CANCELLED. You know, that book I was complaining about? Well it seems enough people (me) created an uproar so great, we couldn't be ignored.

For the still unconvinced, I will now illustrate with a story, in order to help you quantify exactly how ridiculously aawesome me and my super powers are. The story is true. No names have been changed because no names have been utilized.

I woke up at 6am this morning because I felt compelled to open my blinds. I awoke again at 9am, with sunlight pouring down on my face as if someone was pointing a flashlight directly at me, and couldn't for the life of me remember why in the world I dragged myself out of bed in the middle of a wonderful sleep session to screw myself over so badly in the morning.

Then I realized, some things, like my super powers, are not meant to be explained, just taken, not stirred.