*I am in no way poking fun of any disabled persons. Just wanted to clear that up.

New semester, new courses. In every one of my new courses this term, the corresponding professors have announced the need for a special note-taker for "someone" in that class.

Normally, I would brush this off, and actually, I've considered being the note-taker myself before realizing that I'm asleep in about a third of the lectures I attend, and day dreaming in about half of the remaining. So I've always politely declined.

"Hi Buttug, Jen Pumpelwagon with the New York Times. Any comment with regards to where you are going with this? Is this a post to announce that you have become a note-taker?! Because if it is, it's rather weaksauce, and I'm mildly offended."

Thank you for your question Jen, and did you just make a pun? I think you did. Good for you, welcome to the big leagues. I'm sure one day you'll be the one in a war-torn country writing up big inspirational stories about US soldiers and all they are accomplishing for the good of the people there. Oh wait, you're not Bill O'Reily.

But to answer you question. No. I haven't. Although I have yet to completely pass out to the point of drooling yet this term (don't worry, I'll jinx this back with a fancy thing I picked up from a tv show), I am still more or less day-dreaming OR talking during most lectures.

I'm beginning to think that the reason a note-taker is needed in every one of my classes is because maybe I am the person requiring the notes. It's just too creepy of a coincidence. Maybe one of my friends finally decided that my classroom habits have deteriorated to lows even the Nortel stock has never experienced, and it was time I got some help.

Thanks friends.

...

Ahem. Yes?

"Teahee Hee from the Seattle Times. Isn't it customary for a President such as yourself to accept at least two questions from the press?"

Accepted.

Read More...

Summary only...

Recently, I feel like I've been neglecting certain topics that I love to post about. There's just no time. I try to post on average, about once every weekday. But I have wayyy to many topics to choose from. Based on the Pigeonhole Principle, I'd either hafta increase my blogging frequency, or some topics face the axe.

But it's okay. Everything can change in one post. And speaking of principles, this post should take care of the "what have you done for me lately" principle. These topics will no longer be able to complain until I've neglected them enough again.

So without further adieu:

50 Cent. The Game. Toronto Maple Leafs. Hockey in General. Arrested Development. Please UPN pick Up Arrested Development. My loud-mouthed housemate. Cheesy Jokes. Backstabbing Life Science Students. Random Random Random. Sudoku. David Crowder. House. Lost. How Infuriating Lost Is. How I don't Have the Willpower to Not Watch Lost. Nerdy Giggle. Katie Holmes. Nick Cannon. He's Hilarious. The Evil Institution that is Queen's Education. Rap Music. Pop Music. I Love John Mayer. Where is Mandy Moore? Award shows. Ovaries. Coffee. I want Ice Cream. NOW. Insert your choice of song lyrics here. Scientists. King Kong was a Waste of Time. A-town. Family Guy. Cancelled TV Shows. My Camera. Mario Kart. My Lack of Strength. Peanut Butter Jelly Time.

Etcetera, etcetera.

Read More...

Summary only...

I'm feeling a little blonde this week. A little, off if you will (or as we say in binary, "0" nhehenhenehen hoiven). Anybody seen any of my marbles!? I seem to be missing one of those "bright" colored ones.

Today, I was walking home from class.

Great story huh? I'm not done, so please sit back down. Cmon, my stories go all over the place, so just give me a chance. K thanks.

Before I had set out on this epic journey home, I had put my headphones in their rightful place (my ears), and I had set off. It wasn't til I got home that I realized no music was coming out from the headphones and as a result, I wasn't bobbing my head like a bobble-head toy which makes me look so gangster.

Now, there is a set of rules dictating when you are allowed to have your headphones in your ears while no music is playing:

1. When you want to ignore someone. I'm talkin about that annoying fat kid who is walking up to you to ask if he could borrow a dollar for a poutene at the fry truck. Strap on your headphones, and simply point to them when he starts talking, and shrug. Fat kid will slowly saunter away.

2. When your ears are cold. Granted, my little ipod earbuds won't do anything, but hey, these are general set of rules. I didn't make these up. Or did I.

3. When you need to pee and there is a lineup. Just push your way on up front, and pretend you can't hear the heckling coming your way. Everyone will eventually realize that you have headphones on and are completely oblivious to world outside the little bubble that is the music dance party going on in your head, and they will shutup. Either that, or you'll get a swift kick to the kidneys.

4. When your prof is talking in class. As a corollary, this applies to any "guest speakers", TA's and announcement makers that happen to swing by your class on any given sunday day. This gives off the impression that you are being a rebel by not listening to whomever is doing the talking. And we all know that rebels are cool, and you know you want to be one. Sorry, I guess some of us are just born to be like we were a MuchMusic television show.

NOWHERE in those rules does it state you can have headphones on while not playing music because you SIMPLY FORGOT TO TURN ON THE MUSIC.

And for that, I give myself 15 dumdum's out of a possible 10.

Oh, next person that hits up Costco or Walmart, please pick me up an "ark". My apartment is being overrun by water. I believe the term is flooding. Maybe more on this later, if I escape these dire straits alive.

Read More...

Summary only...

I frequent Tim Hortons. Not only because it is conveniently located at two separate places on campus, but because they have the answer to just about everything.

Oh hungry? Oh, Tim Hortons.
Obey your thirst? Tim Hortons.
Feeling a little like crap because you forgot to shave and your sideburns are getting in the way of your glasses and no matter how hard you brush them to the side, they just keep being irritating? Tim. Hortons.

I was feelin number 1 and to a lesser extent, number 3 today. So I walked up to the nice lady at the counter, ordered a chocolate danish, paid, and walked away.

Without my chocolate danish.

Of course I quickly realized and by then the lady behind the couter had made a little quip about me walking away, but all I could do was mutter something under my breath and take the danish.

So yesterday I walked away from a class full of girls. Today I walked away from a chocolate danish I already paid for.

Tomorrow, I plan on walking away from a date with my dream girl, Kelly Clarkson.

Read More...

Summary only...

As I took two steps towards the door of my 10:30am class this morning, I realized that a bunch of girls had surrounded me and were pushing their way to the door as well, while yabbering away about their clinicals and such.

Now, it's no secret I'm in compsci. It's also no secret that the male to female ratio in compsci is about infinity times the Golden Ratio. If I had to guesstimate, I'd say it was about 20:1? Heck, I may just tabulate for reals tomorrow. Probably not, I'm too busy with the not-paying-attention.

Anyways, no problemo, I quickly backtrack a bit, and realize that I had mixed up my classes in my head (I bamboozled myself!) and that my real class was in the room next door. That's what happens when you have two compsci courses in the same building. You just will never be able to remember which class you actually have.

"Wait, do I have CISC223 today after my Tuesday morning dance with wolves? Or was it CISC365?"

AND THEN IT HIT ME. I had just walked away from a class full of girls. I had the chance to sit beside people that probably smelt like flowers and take up much less space than your average guy. Not that I dislike sitting beside the people I sit beside in class, nor do I want them to start smelling like flowers, but I'm just sayin.

Read More...

Summary only...

My housemate decided to go and lose himself a bet, leading to a full week of semi-humiliation (I say semi because the only thing he has to do is wear a pink hat the whole week and I don't think he has a real problem with that).

Everybody likes an old fashioned duck hunt. I mean do you remember how fun that Duck Hunt game that came with Super Mario Bros 1 was?! I could spend countless hours about two inches away from the tv screen squeezing that trigger on the plastic gun and laughing evily everytime a duck or discus went down. Actually, even when no ducks came down and the dog came up, I laughed evily. And then I proceeded to point the gun at the dog and squeeze the trigger til the next ducks came out.

Poor dog. I'm such a jerk.

So this week will be official "Hunt Down The Kwan In The Pink Hat" week. And when you find him, feel free to make him feel slightly loserish. And I meant loserish in the sense that he DID lose the bet deeming him a loser...of the bet. Besides hollerin, "Hey KWAN (emphasize his name), whatcha doin with a pink hat on?" at the top of my lungs, I will also take plenty of pictures of videos. Cuz hey I'm a jerk.



Yeah he also told me he wanted this picture, but I'm putting it on my blog first. Go ahead, give the title of this post one more read.

Read More...

Summary only...

No. This is not a Kanye West rant even though his head is bigger than the state of Texas. That's only metaphorically speaking.

I'm talking about people actual big heads. Why must I discuss this!? Well because I watch my fair share of television. And I am often confronted with this fella'

Yikes. Take a step back from the screen if you wish. Sure doesn't make me want a Double Whopper with lettuce, tomatoes, and that sweet sweet bacon. Although strangely, I feel like eating some ice cream. Talk about your unexplained phenomenon.

Actually, that King-thing reminds me of a garden gnome. And garden gnome's are creepy. They're EVERYWHERE. And, they're watching you. That's right, you in the red shirt. Yeah I'm talkin about you.

Read More...

Summary only...

I pose this question because I no longer want to feel like I'm wasting these one hour breaks I have between classes. And by these, I mean like the one I have right now. I'm gonna leave it open ended so feel free to suggest a few of your own ideas, but what I have right now:

- Sleep

And I can't even do that. Because Jack Bauer refuses to carry my unconscious body around.

So I'm gonna go ahead and waste a few of your precious minutes. Bear with me now, this will be slightly long-winded and may not have a point.

Apparantly, the age-old question that keeps computer scientists up at night is whether or not P=NP. Some nerds will even go as far as taking a 2-3 year "retreat" to Alaska where they will sit in their tents and work on this problem day and night.

And then it hit me. Oh my gosh. I'm a computer scientist. And I'm gonna turn out to be:

All alone in the wilderness that is Alaska (I know Alaska doesn't quite look like above picture) wandering around thinking of ways to prove P=NP all day and all night (even when...yes its coming, I need to pee). So even if it may be true that everbody loves the dork (see Seth Cohen...note that he has "TWO GIRLFRIENDS"), there ain't nobody to like the dork when the dork is a nomad wandering around trying to solve an equation nobody gives a flying stork about. The dork not worth a flying stork.



Hey did you know that Disney kept the Dumbo stork as a reoccuring character in other movies like Lambert the Sheepish Lion? See for yourselves:



Move over Nintendo. You're not the only company that has figured out how to exploit popular characters over and over and over and over. I'll give Nintendo credit though, it was a very gutsy move to put out this character in Smash Bros Melee:



I challenge you to find me a kid that would want to play as a big black blob as opposed to playing as the ever-so-cute Kirby. Although, the idea of "death by flying sausages" or "you've been...domesticated" are pretty catchy phrases to say after a victory with "Mr. Game & Watch".

How did we get here!? What the heck. In the spirit of ending things awkwardly...

Read More...

Summary only...

Why is it so icy?! Is Bobby Drake controlling the weather in Kingston!?

I could hear the commentators in my head today as I walked on campus:

Dick Button: And turning onto University Ave, Buttug starts out with some fancy footwork into a ...
Peggy Flemming: Dick, I believe that's a modified sit spin, a "back spin" where one is flat on his back, spinning
Dick Button: That is excellent form. And look now, it seems he is attempting a death spiral, BY HIMSELF!
Peggy Flemming: Dick, that is a very ambitious move right thurr..*ahem* right there
Dick Button: Yes indeed, the death spiral is already dangerous to pull off without having to avoid oncoming traffic.
Peggy Flemming: It looks like he's setting up for the big finish...
Dick Button: Here we go...a double lutz, a double salchow, right into a triple axle, and, have mercy, a quad! Perfect use of the downhill slope there on University Ave.
Peggy Flemming: Buttug is SO gay right now.

I appologize to any male figure skaters out there, just because you figure skate, it does not mean you are gay. That was an unfair stereotype on my part. I'm just not diggin the ice right now. And slightly jealous that I can't gracefully twirl four times in mid-air on command.

Alright. Kicking it in high gear now. Guess I should give a double post just to show I'm definitely back in the black. Or should I say, in the negro.

NO I wasn't being derogatory there. Just that 'negro' is Spanish for 'black'. So here's Buttug's super-efficient "learn Spanish after reading a few bullet points" course for ya'll to learn from. It's okay, I realize the first day of school is over and that you missed a bit already, but you know why we calls it Late Registration don't you? CUZ WE TAKING YOU ... BACK TO SCHOOL. Let's go.

1. We the Spanish like to pronounce every letter that we write down. It'd be a waste of a letter wouldn't it? So no confusing "silent h's". If I put down jkl, then you will pronounce ALL THREE LETTERS? Are we clear?! Just repeat after me. "JKL". Moving on.

2. Double l's and double r's are considered letters unto their own. Confused much? Well I won't even TRY to pronounce the double l's, but for the double r's, just roll your r's. Simple? Well apparantly not if you're asian. Here's how it went down in class:

Prof: Okay, repeat after me. Carro.
Class: Carrrrrrrrrro.
Prof: Anybody having trouble rolling the r's?
*5 Asians put up their hands.*
Prof: Don't you remember when you used to play with toy cars and rolled your r's to simulate the sound cars make?
(Events from here on down may not have actually occured)
Me: NO BECAUSE I CAN'T FRRRRIGIN ROLL MY R's. OH WAIT I JUST DID IT MY BAD YO.
Prof: "Yo" in Spanish actually means "I". So your sentence didn't make any sense.
Me: That's retarded. Ah crap, the rollin of the r's are gone again.

3. V and B sound the same when spoken. That's rrrretarrrrded (I'm a quick learner I am). Bery retarded.

That's it. You have now been cultured. As Stephen Colbert would say, "You're welcome, Nation".

Read More...

Summary only...