Tuesday, February 27, 2007

It's Just Like, It's Just Like A Mini Mall  

HEY HEY!! FLEA MARKET! MONTGOMERY!

posted by Buttug McOysty . 8:33 PM .


Saturday, February 24, 2007

To Turn Television Off  

*Preface - This is abnormally long. Think Buttug McOysty on ten packs of sugar. And a soda on the side. And I love me some fried chicken. What happened to that? I used to say "love me some *insert generic item/person here*" all the time. Kooky! (<-- DID I JUST...WHAT..) As I was remarking, this post is so long, I didn't even bother reading through it again myself to edit it, so feel free to unleash a barrage of angry complaints about my Engrishes in the comment section below.

I do not watch television. Television...

...watches me.

*silence (of the lambs)*

How to Successfully Conclude a Television Series - Part One

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 6:52 PM .


Friday, February 23, 2007

You Give a Little, You Get a Little  

3 - Give Us Something - Tell your readers about the presents you'll remember forever.

- Margaret Mason's, No One Cares What You Had For Lunch - 100 Ideas for Your Blog.


This one's easy. There's really only one right answer. I'm sure everyone in this fortunate country of Canada, at least fortunate enough to be able to access and read this blog, has received this gift before.

This present can be described as heart-warming, sometimes fuzzy feeling, definitely fills a void but in this day and age, often not permanently, and you may try different forms of it (some may say there is a different one for all seasons, speaking of which, this post was unknowingly suggested by Seesun).

You can never get enough, and And one day, God willing, you will walk the aisle with it.

What can I be babbling about this time? In one word...

Read More...

posted by Buttug McOysty . 3:48 PM .


Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Can Somebody Remix This Please? Jim Jones/Lil Wayne, I'm looking at You  

Rap-Cat!

posted by Buttug McOysty . 11:38 PM .


Tuesday, February 20, 2007

News Flash, Because I Don't Have Time To Write Anything Else  

I feel like I'm writing the parody news segments for such shows as The Daily Show or the Colbert Report. Except a much dumber version, so more so for a show like SNL. Still a notch higher than Fox's "1/2 hour news hour", so horrible I won't even link to it.

---------------------------------------------------------------


Jack Bauer makes the US Army look bad. No, not because he's brutally effective and the army is not. And no, it's not because he has stunning good looks relative to old man Sam that points at you in those posters saying "I WANT YOU", to join the army I suppose.

Apparently, the general public, wrongly thinks that the real White House authorizes Jack Bauer's interrogation techniques. And some of the officers in the army have come to believe that because it works for Jack Bauer, the techniques would work for them, and so they try it on army prisoners.

In very much related news, the general public is quite stupid.

"You don't want people like that in your organization", says some snoot at the FBI. Yeah, because he'd obsolete-ize your job before you could count to three microseconds.

---------------------------------------------------------------


"The climate is getting warmer", says the leader of Exxon Mobil, the giant oil company.

*bashes head against wall because of the slight irony but more so because of the degree of obviousness of above statement*

---------------------------------------------------------------


An elephant crushes a bus. That's not news, right? Because, I mean, what do you expect an elephant to do, sit down and have tea?! Maybe with some crumpets on the side?!

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New York City is investing an extraordinary amount of money for it's new slogan's campaign. Somewhere in the neighborhood of $160 million, but I can't confirm because I'm too lazy to look for credible sources.

While the new slogan has yet to be decided upon, one of the options include reversing the order of the current slogan, which is "I Love NY" (with the word 'love' often symbolized by a heart). Another possible option includes adding new words to the current slogan, something to the effect of "I've always loved New York".

It took 11 different ad agencies, all of which I assume to be prestigious. My question is, how do I land a job at one of these positions where they've ascended to such levels that they get paid not to try any more? SERIOUSLY, IT TOOK 11 AD AGENCIES FOR YOU TO REVERSE THE CURRENT SLOGAN?! HOW IS THIS NOT A JOKE.

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An animal shelter was forced to kill 1000 dogs and cats because of the outbreak of contagious disease. And I quote, "officials admit they kept animals for too long without destroying them". Wow, they don't even put it lightly.

Pay attention kids, this is what happens at animal shelters. They destroy animals. Yup. Well written.

*clap clap*

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Britney Spears took a vow of silence and joined a monastery as a monk.



At least that's what I gather without actually knowing anything.

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 11:19 PM .


Sunday, February 18, 2007

You Know That Saying About Throwing Up a Little Bit In My Mouth?  

posted by Buttug McOysty . 5:33 PM .


Thursday, February 15, 2007

Rules Are Made To Be Broken, Just Like Products are Made To Be Broken When You Need Them The Most, This Has Got To Be One of the Longest TItles I've E  

ver Written (blogger cut me off)

*Preface* I know I've been half-heartedly posting recently, so I come today looking to rectify that, writing up something abnormally lengthy, making you forget the ripped off feeling that overcame you as you read the last few posts.

McOysty says: Pick a number, between 1 and 100, a whole number, meaning pi, as amazing and however much I actually love pie, does not count
TheGirl says: ok.
TheGirl says: got it.
McOysty says: Uh, you're supposed to tell me the number.
TheGirl says: Haha, I thought you were going to do something else. The number was 80.
McOysty says: Ok
TheGirl says: Why? Did you want me to pick something like 47?

47 - Promote Truth - Outline ten truths you believe to be universal. Check back on this list in a few years to see if you still agree with yourself.

- Margaret Mason's, No One Cares What You Had For Lunch - 100 Ideas for Your Blog.

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 10:53 PM .


Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Sign of the times.  

Is is sad that a television show offered insight to my Organizational Behaviour essay?

posted by Buttug McOysty . 7:55 PM .


When Tech Support, Goes Wrong, 24 Style  

CTU Tech Support

Bauer: “I have a suitcase bomb.”
16-year-old kid from India: “Allo sir. Yes sir. Please note that this call will be recorded for quality assurance purposes. My name is Akbar. How can I help you sir?”
Bauer: “There’s a bomb that's set to go off in 3 minutes, and I need to disarm it.”
India: “Ok sir. I understand your problem and feel your frustration. Give me a second while I key this into my computer... Now, please unscrew the plastic box sir.”
Bauer: “Ok.”
India: “Ok thank you sir...*pause*... now please tell me what you see.”
Bauer: “A goddam bomb.”
India: “Ok sir, thank you. Now I want you to…

- TheBauer, additional comments added by me, Buttug McOysty

posted by Buttug McOysty . 9:28 AM .


Saturday, February 10, 2007

If irrevocably is a word, WHY ISN'T 'revocably'?

posted by Buttug McOysty . 12:12 AM .


Friday, February 09, 2007

I Have Weird Friends  

| b | get off the streets. says:
hold on
| b | get off the streets. says:
as soon as the nail polish on my one hand dries then i can start typing w two hands again, i shall respond......
hold out....
| b | get off the streets. says:
no
| b | get off the streets. says:
NO
| b | get off the streets. says:
STOP
| b | get off the streets. says:
JUST WAIT FOR IT
AHHHAHAHA
| b | get off the streets. says:
HOLD ON
| b | get off the streets. says:
ALMOST DONE
| b | get off the streets. says:
JUST HOLD OUT
| b | get off the streets. says:
45 MORE SECS
| b | get off the streets. says:
hahahahaha
| b | get off the streets. says:
i just applied a second coat
| b | get off the streets. says:
lol

posted by Buttug McOysty . 10:52 PM .


Thursday, February 08, 2007

Because No One Cares What You Had For Lunch  

Realizing that this blog has been a little uninspired lately, I seized an opportunity that will, hopefully, liven things up a bit.



So far, I've only committed to posting on 5 of the topics of the wonderful readership's random choosing, but there really isn't a better way than to kick things off with suggestion number 13.

You may accuse me of being a little rusty in the area of urban mythology, specifically bad luck charms, but if my birthday is good enough for the 13th, then that has to balance out any evil powers the number 13 intrinsically contains doesn't it?

Without any further ado, I present to you, suggestion number 13 from Margaret Mason's book, No One Cares What You Had For Lunch - 100 Ideas for Your Blog.

13 - Act On Ceremony - What are the family traditions or personal rituals you practice, or new ones you've always wanted to introduce?

Read More...

posted by Buttug McOysty . 7:25 PM .


Monday, February 05, 2007

Real Creative Titles, Spam Be Gone!  

Before the obligatory SuperBowl Sunday thoughts, here's what's going down. I need you, the wonderful readers, to comment on this post with nothing but a number between 1 and 100. And to make this more interesting, I will only be accepting the first five unique numbers. That means if a person already picked a number, don't pick that number again, or I will ignore you. Feel free to continue commenting after that, the comments will still be read and snickered at.

What for, you ask? Well, I'm not telling you until I get five random numbers between one and one hundred. This tactic is commonly known as building suspense, and involving the readership, and to an extent, frustrating the readership.

Superbowl Things, In Point Form Because I'm Lazy Like That

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 10:48 PM .


Friday, February 02, 2007

YOU ARE A CERTIFIED WINNER  

*Preface* Take that midget Kwan, who decided to bet on me being unable to commit to 12 or more posts titled with spam email. This is post number 13, the last of these inaptly, and inappropriately, titled series of posts. Why/when did we start calling him that anyway? Somebody needs to tell me, not that I'll stop calling him that in the meantime, but it'd be nice to know. I thought I had exhausted the vault of short-jokes over the years, but clearly we have not moved on. I'm not completely opposed to this nonsense.

The powers that be over at Tambo001 discussed two big "holidays" this month. I'm happy to be the first to inform you that the groundhog didn't see it's own shadow this morning, meaning that spring is just around the corner, or that Wiarton Willie is blind (although, I don't know if they test the groundhog for blindness, which is just bad science in my opinion). And not to be outdone, as I type this, or as you read this, cupid is being injected with high dosages of epinephrine so he can go berserk with his cute little love arrows a little later on this month.

But the biggest holiday in the month of February, the one that usually leaves everyone devastated the day after (either from too much celebration drinking, or from too much "I can't believe we lost" drinking, but always from the overdose of chicken wings, pizza, and nacho chips), and has a different name every-year (albeit, only slightly), the day that brings out the best of commercials everywhere, and recently has been known for Nipple-gate, I present to you, Superbowl XLI - the one with two black head coaches. Common and Kanye even made a song about it.

You'd be lying if you say aren't excited for the K-Fed commercial. I have my VCR set just for that, and don't worry, I'll probably post the YouTube clip (that's already available) of it here another day. I've also had quite enough of the "Deal or No Deal Canada" commercials, but that's neither here nor there.

And because everyone is calling the Colts to win, and I mean everyone, seriously you could dial up my grandma who may or may not know how to use the telephone, and even she'd tell you the Colts are going to win, you just know the Bears (and freakin' Rex Grossman) are going to take the cake. That's just how the wonderful world of sports works.

In honor of such a fabulous weekend, I, Buttug McOysty, offer a super-sized post, a buttugly-lengthed post if you will, so feel free to break out the delicious finger foods you had reserved for the weekend and get your party on with this post!

Also, it's black history month. You know, the month where we remember Rosa Parks for her defiance, yet when I try to pull a similar stunt on others, I just get labeled as "the jerk who wouldn't give up his seat for the pregnant lady". It is kinda nice that both head coaches (one of them is named Lovie, how spectacular is that!) of the Superbowl teams are black, although I've heard/read about it all too much.

On an unrelated note, I'm going to go drink a Coke Black now. Blap blap.

Things I Have Learned From Using Spam Email Being As My Post Titles

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posted by Buttug McOysty . 4:59 PM .


Thursday, February 01, 2007

cant Farm Bombay  

*Preface* Can't? Or won't? The picture from two posts ago was supposed to be contemplative, not depressing. Since when was a serene lake-shore environment depressing? Thank you, HVM, for hitting the nail on the head with your comment. As a result, your blog gets free promotion!

Speaking of depressing, today I wore a pair of blue jeans, a matching blue jacket, and put on a matching set of blue mittens. I only realized this ON MY WAY HOME from work. The diagram below would've been an accurate representation of me had I opted to hold my breath until my face turned blue:



Every time a plane flew by overhead, I ducked down and covered myself for fear that it would mistake me for clear skies.

posted by Buttug McOysty . 7:52 PM .