I'm making the executive decision to put this entire post in "Read More" section because only two readers will care enough to read this comedy-laced sports-related but not sports-dominated post. And I'm one of them.

9:17 - Getting ready to go. My buddy John (I call him...John, but for post purposes, he'll be referred to as JL) provides the HD-TV, I provide the chips. Because I roll like that.

9:18 - Announcers: "Let's meet the teams!"
Except I've been religiously following these teams for the last few months. I can probably tell you the number of hairs on the head of each player. And their mother's maiden names.

9:23 - Tip off. Florida ball! Let's go! I picked Florida to win. JL has Ohio State. We're in for a whole night of trash talking after each big bucket.

9:24 - Conley Jr. with the first basket. He's going to be huge. Brewer just fired back. He'll carry Florida to the win.

9:26 - Lee Humphrey is so white he blends in with the beach-wood floor. Seriously, if you reside in Florida, you are obligated to get a tan.

9:28 - Over/under on how many times the announcers decide to tell us that Florida could be the first repeat champions since Duke did it is being set at 273 times.

9:29 - JL just offered me apple fruit bars. There needs to be a rule. When two or more guys gather to watch sports, food that is served has to be an 8 or above on the unhealthy food scale. With nachos dipped in cheese with a side of sizzling bacon being a 10. I'm hungry.

9:31 - JL: "But they're tasty".
I'm almost ready to kick him out of the room. And it's his house.

9:33 - I love it when one guy is calling for the ball and the rest of his team ignores him. It's everyone stops playing basketball, and commences a game of monkey in the middle out of nowhere. This brings back horrible elementary school memories. Let's move on.

9:34 - It's hard to type with one hand. I really should stop eating chips or stop blogging. There will be no having cake and eating it too tonight.

9:36 - Announcers: "There's a lot of touch fouls being called."
Two minutes for touching, if this were a hockey game. I'm going to laugh to death on the unintentional comedy play-by-play style.

9:42 - CBS's HD feed is messed up. Thanks for nothing. The one night HD is pivotal.

9:45 - Doritos should come out with sour cream and onion chips. Seriously.

9:46 - Oden just robbed Brewer of the ball in the mid-air. He also took his pride, and his lunch money at the same time.

9:57 - JL took over the laptop and proceeded to spend ten minutes on Facebook. *Shakes head*
During that time, Florida extended its lead to ten. Ohio State looks right on track to make its usual second half comeback. And during commercials, we flipped over to NBC to cheer on the Deal or No Deal contestant. And by cheer, I mean make snide comments about how horribly he is picking numbers and hoping he ends up with one dollar. I love that show.

10:00 - JL: "Hey, you're not allowed to edit your post. It defeats the purpose of live blogging."
I actually added this comment back in at 11:59PM because if there's anything this post is missing, its a sense of irony (I don't know how to use this word properly).

10:12 - Halftime. 40-29, Florida. Ha.

10:13 - Nicolas Cage movie - Next. "There's a nuclear bomb somewhere in the United States".
I say, "That's right. Me. Cuz I'm the bomb. Get it? Huh!!"

10:32 - Ohio State is making their comeback. But it may be too early. It's only the start of the second half. They're giving themselves ample time to internally combust (how is combust not a word?).

10:37 - My boy Humphrey just hit a three from like the half-court line. Ridiculous. I love him, his utter whiteness and all.

10:42 - Canadian commercials suck. I'm ready to fax the wonderful people over at CBS a big fat turd sandwich for screwing up the feed on the most important night, preventing me from watching spectacular American commercials.

10:46 - Thad Matta (Ohio State coach) very well could've been a hobbit in the Lord of the Rings. He looks that weird. Especially when he's dripping sweat. If only he was two feet shorter. If only.

10:53 - Announcer: "Conley hasn't played a very good game".
Conley proceeds to pull of a wicked layup, switching hands in midair. Never, ever call out a player like that. It's just asking to be proved wrong and proved stupid.

10:55 - Florida's Richard was just fouled.
JL: "It's okay, he can't shoot free throws."
Richard then calmly steps up and hits the free throw. I'm telling you, these kids are out to prove people wrong. Don't call them out. It's like waking up a sleeping giant Hulk. Or provoking a serial killer. Or being African decent and heckling Michael Richards at a comedy club. It's just not smart.

11:01 - I just took a quick pee break. JL's toilet seat automatically falls down. I had to hold it up while peeing. Very annoying. In other news, Thad Matta just drank a cup of water in an attempt to counteract the buckets of sweat he has lost thus far.

11:07 - JL: "Don't leave the white guy! Don't!"

11:11 - I just wanted to throw something up at the one one one one mark.

11:13 - Florida point guard Taurean Green missed a wide open layup. Seriously. He was surrounded by his own teammates. Even I could've made that. And I'm the equivalent of a dead duck on the basketball floor. Ugh. If Florida loses, I'm holding Mr.Green personally responsible.

11:20 - Noah sinks two free throws. 14 point game. I can see the victory! You readers can see the end of this post!

11:22 - Conley just stole an inbounds pass and put it in. Ten point game. It's not over yet.

11:24 - JL has broken out his electric guitar and started some depressing blues riff as a sign that it's over for Ohio State.

11:29 - Ballgame. Florida. March Madness. See you next year. Goodnight.