*Preface* - I'll preface this post later.

7:33 - The American Idol live blog will commence in T minus 25 minutes. Apparently, I need to see this Sanjaya person for myself.

7:43 - Judge Judy is on Fox right now as the lead in to American Idol. Scintillating television programming at its absolute finest. Does anybody else want to fake a dumb altercation with me to get on this show and get torn apart by the sassy 65-year-old-looking Judge Judy?

7:48 - No, seriously! Anybody want to fight over the custody of a child? Or claim I owe them a gatrillion dollars? Or accuse me of peeing all over your trailer?

7:52 - "You think I believe that? I DON'T. Now step down." All this to a 10-year-old girl. Unintentional comedy alert! The kids look like they're about to break down and cry. I'm giving this a six on the UnCom (Unintentional Comedy in case you didn't catch that) scale. I have a thing for being mean to children.

8:00 - It's starting! It's starting! Smokes! Jennifer Lopez is celebrity theme whatever tonight! Best known for her insured-behind, and her role in Gigli. I need to see that movie to truly appreciate how horrible it really is.

8:03 - There's a reason I haven't watched this show in a few years now. Three minutes in and I'm already bored. We're getting off to a fantastic start.

8:04 - First up, Melinda Doolite. Straight out of the movie Dr.Doolittle... 2, not only can she sing a bit, she can talk to all sorts of animals! Why wasn't I blessed with a more interesting last name. It's my greatest weakness.

8:07 - Paula looks drunk. Simon didn't like it. Randy's black. Nothing has changed.

8:10 - I hope they show some hilarious Blue Jay commercials.

8:13 - LaKisha Jones has a video montage with J-Lo, where J-Lo totally dominates and almost pushes her out of the frame. This is no small feat as LaKisha is, how I say it, slightly heavy-set, very reminiscent of marshmallow-man from the Jays commercial!

8:16 - Simon: "I'm sure you were having fun, but not so sure about the people at home." Simon, tells it like it is.

8:18 - Are you kidding me? Is there a break after each contestant? Over/under on the time I deem watching dried paint sit on my wall more interesting than this show is set at 8:28, although I keep hearing about this Sanjaya character. I'll stick around.

8:22 - Chris Richardson, the plainest name thus far. Huh! He's like a blond version of K-Fed, with a slightly better singing voice!

8:25 - Randy doesn't need to learn the names of any guy contestant. He just lumps them under the general umbrella "dawg".

8:26 - Seacrest: "Paula, you were ascending on that performance. You were up!" Did Seacrest just make a subtle reference of Paula being high? Can I get a confirmation on that?

8:26 - Three contestants. Three commercial breaks. And I thought stupid game-shows did the most stalling. I stand corrected. Although, technically I'm sitting. So I'm sitting corrected. And hungry.

8:30 - Mercifully, we're halfway through this. This is the last time I let someone else pick an event for me to live blog. Much like the contestants' performances, this post has been very uninspired.

8:31 - Haley Scarnato's go-around. Perfect time to channel surf! Jays down 4-1. And women's hockey. Borrrrrring.

8:33 - Simon: "You have a good tactic right now, wear as least clothes as possible". TELLING IT LIKE IT IS, SINCE 163..2. I bet he invented the game "Simon Says". He's the only reason I'm still watching this programming. How is this one of the top rated shows in America? I hate the general public.

8:35 - Phil Stacey, wins the award for name that can double as both a guy and a girl's name. Versatility is an underrated quality. In fact, off the top of my head, other underrated qualities:
- having a good smile
- kept nose hairs
- non-stick pans and woks

Yup.

8:37 - There still hasn't been a GOOD performance. This is sad, if these guys are the top 8, then I officially declare America completely sapped of talent. I'm holding out hope for ONE contestant to completely stand out and blow me out of the water.

8:42 - Jordin Sparks. Could be an "electric" performance. Pun intended.

8:46 - Did the producers rig the show, delaying Sanjaya's performance, knowing I was only tuning in to watch Sanjaya? Does the world really revolve around me? Because now we have a hobbit-esque Blake Lewis up next, crowned with a butt-ugly fedora. As if he were competing with the earlier guy for the esteemed position of "most closely resembling K-Fed".

8:50 - Sanjaya sighting right before the commercial! She looks really young and just gave one of those V-for-victory signs! I'm officially excited!

8:52 - I just realized that Jennifer Lopez has added absolutely nothing to this show, other than attempting to push a contestant out of frame, albeit is the current highlight of this show. I wonder how much they paid her.

8:54 - *swallows water too quickly* WHAT THE HECK, SANJAYA IS A DUDE?!

8:56 - He's singing in a foreign language. On the top 10 list of things to do if you don't want to win American Idol, number 3 would be to sing in a foreign language. Although, I don't see the big fuss about this kid, other than me mistaking him for a her. He wasn't that bad. In fact, I'll be so bold and say that I hope he wins it all because I would easily take him over 4, if not 5 of the other contestants I unfortunately witnessed tonight.

8:57 - Sanjaya Malakar. That's a whole lotta a's in his name.

8:59 - "Seacrest out!" HE DIDN'T SAY IT! Why the heck not! Everyone knows the hardest thing to do is find a catchy slogan to end of a show/blog-post. He had one! Fine, if he don't want it, then I'm taking it.

9:01 - Time for House to come and redeem my television watching night. Seacrest. Out.