Friday, April 20, 2007
McOysty Tells It Like It Is
In honor of me being trapped in my home for the weekend while I attempt to cram a textbook into my head, figurative speaking should not be assumed, I will post as you the readership calls for it.
*confused looks abound*
This means that I am going to answer any and all your questions! Throw them up in the comment section, be anonymous if you're chicken like that you wish. Ask about pop culture! Ask about science! Ask about me! Ask for money! No question is off-limits, save for the ones that involve other people. As usual, I reserve the right to do pretty much anything, answer in any which way, and twist and contort a question until it is unrecognizable. Let's see where this goes.
And remember ... together, we can make this world a better place.
"How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?" - Dante
The woodchuck would chuck three 2x4's, 4 branches, one stump, and only the finest birch bark available before taking a break for chicken wings, because those are tasty.
"Have you ever practiced kissing in the mirror and if you haven't how do you practice kissing?" - Dante
How do you practice something "in" a mirror? I mean, technically, your question should have been phrased "How you ever practiced kissing WITH a mirror...". Am I right or am I right!? Sorry, sorry, it's you who's supposed to be asking the questions, and it's my job to answer. Let me try again.
I haven't and I don't.
"Ginger or MaryAnn?" Mary Ann. I have a thing for brunettes and a dislike of ginger in my food.
"Betty or Wilma?" Betty, because people with repeating letters in their name happen to be more appealing.
"Taste Great or Less Filling?" I don't get it. If you're talking about food, shouldn't it be "Taste Great & Less Filling vs Taste Bad & More Filling?". Regardless, I taste great all the time thank you very much.
"Coke or Pepsi?" Root Beer.
"Mac or PC?" PC, the Mac guy is going to get his in the new Die Hard movie.
"What are your top 50 pet peeves?? pffffftttttt" - sogh
1. Using two question marks to end one setence.
2. The "word" 'pft'.
3. The misspelling of the "word" 'pft'.
4. 'u' instead of 'you'.
5. 'ur' instead of 'your'.
6. 'ur' instead of 'you're'.
7. 'ttul', because clearly it's 'ttYl'.
8. People in your immediate proximiate that insist on letting their legs shake or tap the floor, causing a mini-earthquake for all who happen to be around.
9. HIDDEN BLOGS.
10. Children.
11. An unresolved musical scale.
12. Off-pitch singing.
13. Carpel Tunnel.
14. Dust.
15. Bad breath.
16. Bad odors in general.
17. Excessive talking during television time. It's a fine line.
18. Terrorists.
19. Gossip.
20. Crying children.
21. Paper cuts.
22. Blood.
23. Country music.
24. Dead light-bulbs.
(The next few will be answered assuming you meant that my "pet" would be named "peeves" instead of the colloquialism).
25. Beaver ... Peevers the Beaver, ultimately shortened to Peeves the Beeves.
26. Snake ... on a plane.
27. Parrot .... seriously how cool would it be to have a talking bird named "peeves". Then I could totally "ASK PEEVES"!
28. Giraffe ... I had to look up how to spell this, I forgot there were two f's.
29. Wombat.
(Moving on now).
30. Non-commenting blog readers.
31. Alarm clocks that are not yours, but still wake you up.
32. Having to rush a post when it's dinner time. I'll be back after I'm done.
33. Okay I'm back. Sizzling savory steak, fresh off the grill. It doesn't get better than that.
34. Ahem.
35. Not being home when the UPS guy tries to deliver a package for you, then having to go pick it up yourself.
36. SOGHY DUMPLINGS (take this however you want, subtle shot or not)
37. Not knowing the answer to simple questions.
38. Not being able to fall asleep.
39. Donald Trump.
40. Potentially phenomenal photography ruined by my own stupidity or lack of creativity.
41. People taking pictures of me, then throwing them up on the Internets.
42. Facebook.
43. Faulty doctrine.
44. The exageration of minor issues (Sanjaya on American Idol) vs the ignorance/apathy/desensitization to bigger issues (environment? people dying everyday in Iraq? THE WORLD COMING TO AN END?)
45. Slow drivers that are in my way.
46. Pedestrians that are in my way.
47. BICYCLISTS that are in my way.
48. I'm not doing one of these ridiculous top 50 lists again. If anything, lists should be limited to top ten plus a bonus answer.
49. But I have one more pet peeve. And that's leaving things unfinished...
5
*snicker*
"are you allergic to anything? if so, what are you allergic to?" - sogh
Children.
"have you ever eaten an insect before?" - sogh
I've eaten spider...roll sushi willingly. Bugs tend to crawl into people's mouths while they sleep. Fortunately, I'm not one of those people. I hope.
"which would you prefer to eat: fried, deep fried, boiled, steamed, mircrowaved, frozen, or raw worms?" - sogh
Gummied.
"Who was the last person (outside of your family) that you kissed?"
"Who do you think is the prettiest girl at Queens?"
"Who is hvm?"
"What is sogh's real name?"
Questions about other people in all likelihood, will not be answered in a forum such as this. If you choose to identify yourself though, I may be more willing to speak to you directly about such topics.
"so how long is this free question asking going to last?" - sogh
Well, if you have your ruler handy, if you could measure between here.............and here.....
then add a non-negative, non-zero integer of your choice
times 7
you have your answer.
Or until I have time to throw something substantial and fresh up here besides answering questions.
"have i asked too many questions?" - sogh
No. You have a green light because you'll soon be my complicit partner in crime.
I may have said too much.
But who cares, no one is actually reading this, or they are and still refuse to contribute to this Q&A session.
"why?" - sogh
42.
Yup.
"do you like oysters?" - sogh
Not particularly.
"why aren't you completely answering all the questions?" - sogh
My blog. My Q&A session. My rules.
Plus, I totally protected your identity by dodging a question from before. You should be thankful.
"honestly speaking, do you feel more popular when people comment on your posts?" - sogh
I wouldn't use the term popular. I think it's more of a "satisfactory" feeling, knowing that what I'm throwing up here is actually being acknowledged.
Plus, I've learned that I'll always be as popular as that rock that happens to live in the church parking lot.
*what rock?*
My point exactly.
"Can you spell C-O-P--O-U-T?" - Dante?
C-o-p-p- ... hold on
C-o-o-p- .... dang it
G-o-p- forget it.
No.
"WHY DID I JUST READ ALLLL OF THAT?" - Fafa
Caps lock! You must be mad! Or you must've accidentally held down that key.
Or, happened to glue down the caps lock key while doing arts and crafts.
Sorry, I'm answering the wrong question. It's not everyday I get a question about the questioner's behaviours. Interesting.
You must've read all of that because you:
1. Are fascinated by my writings.
2. You thought there was a massive conspiracy hidden in code somehwere in this post.
3. You were incredibly bored. This is most likely.
"do u know how to cook/bake?" - Fafa
I cook books, so I'll never be an accountant.
I bake under the glare of the sun.
"WHY HAVE YOU NOT COOKED/BAKED FOR ME YET?" - Fafa
Uh, your caps lock is on again.
Regardless, I have not cooked/baked for you yet because the things I make always come out of the oven looking so fresh and clean and tempting that I engulf everything myself.
".... wut does buttug mean...?" - Fafa
Words have very little (if any) intrinsic meaning. The meaning is contained in the beholder. Perceptions are everything.
If you really want the full explanation, stay tuned for a post in ... September, if this blog survives til then. Now that's advanced notice and quality promotion. I was going to explain this in a "blog birthday" post.
"did u know that you have to wait 30seconds between posting comments on this thing?" - Fafa
So you just threw up 5 comments, meaning you spent a good 2 minutes in between just twiddling your thumbs counting it down?! You're hilarious.
"Can you spell C-H-E-A-T-E-R?" - Dante
Stop making me spell things. It's embarassing (oooh, foreshadowing?).
I'm not even going to attempt this one.
"Why change the rules AFTER you publish them?" - Dante
Please refer to the fact that I'm aawesome with two a's.
"and you call US chickens?" - Dante
Sure did! I would call everyone "eggs", but I'm not convinced they came first.
"what's your most embarassing moment" - Sam
Recently - When neither one of my hockey teams made it to the Stanley Cup playoffs. For shame.
Of all time - Well it used to be "when I slid down the slide on my tummy (not tummy first, my feet were still first, but tummy down) and at the end where the slide levels out, my head was rudely introduced to the slide and I cried". But that turned out to be my brother. We consulted video replay for that.
I'd say if you take a look at any of my pictures from about the age of 6 to the age of uh...I'll be generous here, 15, I'd consider all that pretty embarassing. I mean, before my braces, I looked like a chipmunk. Apparently I never stand up straight anymore. Also, whenever I say something, it inevitably ends up coming out jumbled and my point is usually lost, and I sound like a fool. All that adds to "embarassment". But I just choose not to be embarassed. Embarassed is a state of mind.
"can i get a tangible, positive prize if i guess your real name correctly" - Sam
My real name? No. You already know exactly who I am. Now... if you can somehow type out the chinese characters (none of this here's how it's pronounced in English business) on the commenting section, I may change my mind.
"do you have any unique physical characteristics that would be amusing to poke fun at? (ex. o o)" - Sam
ROFL-LOL-OMG-LMAO-BBQ-ATL-CEO
I can't believe you just went there. It's the only reason I'm answering your questions somewhat seriously.
Have you been reading this blog? I make fun of myself on a routine basis.
Besides the aforementioned chipmunk-y, slouch-y dork, I've been known to have a slightly long neck. Hence the pet name "Brontosaurus", shortened to "Bronto".
I also have chicken arms that rival the strength of toothpicks.
My skin is so pasty white, you couldn't pick me out of a lineup of albinos.
Did I mention I'm a dork?
But nothing, absolutely nothing, is as fun to make fun of as 'o o'.
Nothing.
"what is your favourite animal not including humans (homosapiens)?" - sogh
SNAKES (on a plane).
And penguins. Because they waddle.
And pigs. Because bacon is delicious.
Are carebears classified as animals?
"what animal does smurkel remind you of? why?" - sogh
Phonetically, it sounds the closest to turtle. Smurkel. Turtle.
Smurkel. Turtle.
Smurkel! Turtle!
*five more minutes of that*
Image wise, I'd have to go with sonic the hedgehog. Just because I haven't seen him for a minute. And that's the mental image that came to my mind.
"anyways, the only important question that needs to be asked is why haven't u commented on my blog lately?" - Tamiscal
1, 2, 3,...4, 5, ... 6!
You can count!
But it's not the same six.
I still think this is one of my most genius posts to this day.
40 comments! That's more than I've ever received in total! Amazing!
Back to your question. I really have no excuse.
Although "lately" is a relative term and I could debate the time frame of "lately".
"...do you think sogh is angry?" - Sam
Do I THINK sogh is angry? I think that sogh is really funny.
Is she ACTUALLY angry? Very probable.
Okay, look kids, this is getting out of hand. I'm all for bashing each other, but seriously, the glares have to stop. That crosses the line. Let's keep it verbal. No dirty looks denoted by a '*' please. Thanks.
"arent they all Jack Johnson?" - Meenbauchewyan
Uh-huh.
"booooo how come he knows" - sogh
Apparently, Dant..I mean Ro..I mean Meenbau has mastered the art of Google/Facebook searches.
Either way, to prove I have too, Jack Johnson - Bubble Toes, Fortunate Fool, Traffic in the Sky.
Jack Johnson totally reminded me of this. Good times. Classy way to end this Q&A session.