*Preface - Welcome to an edition of the long-forgotten Buttugly lengthed posts. Better go eat your dinner and get your chores done first. You know, tuck your children into bed and all.

Did you miss me?

Did you miss me...a lot?

Did you miss me...

...like a child misses their blanket?

Admittedly, I haven't been around here as obsessively as I used to be. And while there are topics that are begging to be covered by me, topical posts take time, and for the last few years, I've been trying to avoid being "that guy" that writes about the food I ate for dinner, or the people I hung out with. You'd be bored witless.

To prove my point, I kept a journal of my entire yesterday, just to give you an idea of the material I've been trying to avoid posting.

Monday, July 16, 2007

8:40AM:
I woke up. The 8:20AM arm flailing action that turned off my alarm clock does not count as waking up. It was merely a reflex. The alarm clock itself was merely a formality. My finely tuned biological clock wakes me up everyday at 8:40AM anyways. Except for last week when I decided to test the hypothesis by intentionally forgetting to set my alarm clock and ended up opening my eyes for the first time at 9:30AM.

8:50AM:
I grabbed a yogurt from the fridge and scarfed it down. My mother insists I eat a yogurt a day because I refuse to drink milk.

*Sidenote* - Milk sucks. *End Sidenote*

9:00AM:
I battled against raging drivers rushing to get to work so they can do nothing for the next 8 hours. I follow the exact same route to work everyday. I even merge at all precisely the same spots. An inch more or less and it stresses me out.

9:30AM:
Coffee time.

9:40AM:
Type type type. Produce produce produce.

10:00AM:
Internet perusal time.

10:15AM:
My cubicle mate's friend decided to drop in for one of his twenty or so daily visits. Sometimes he'll just say, "Yo, whatsup man", stare at us for two seconds, then leave.

10:16AM:
He's still here.

*The next 7 or so hours never happened, except for the following event*

2:15PM:
Technically this happened today, but it takes the aggregation of two days worth of material to make this post remotely acceptable. The company security squad performed a random checking of my cubicle last night for violations of the company privacy policy. This is the second time I've failed, both times I've left writable media on my desk. So I hung my head low and took the walk of shame to the security desk to retrieve the writeable media THAT HAS NOTHING ON IT. I think my manager was notified of my repeat-offense. I wonder what happens at strike three.

*Sidenote* - Would you want your security guards to be helpful/friendly? Or would you rather they maintain a mean demeanor throughout the day that properly conveys a frightening image to anybody wanting to threaten the safety of the company's employees/property? I'm divided on this issue with me, myself, and I. *End Sidenote*

5:15PM:
Back to yesterday. A fellow intern has requested a ride to a subway stop of my choosing. Naturally, I oblige, because I'm friends with said intern, and a favor doled is a favor owed. I'm kidding. I don't bank favors. I bank shots in off the back board, Tim Duncan-esqe.

We proceeded to talk about potentially overlapping courses next year, which profs to avoid, and the weather. The trip to the subway station was microcosmic of my conversational skills. Atrociously awkward.

6:00PM:
Upon reaching my bungalow castle, I instantly whined and moaned about being hungry.

6:15PM:
I continued to hassle my mother for dinner while I worked on the daily Toronto Star crossword. I finished, but came to find a word I had never encountered before. Demur. According to the crossword creator, it means "object". Huh! Who would've thunk'd.

6:30PM:
Can't journal. Eating.

7:15PM:
The father decided it was a perfect night to go to the local upper-middle-class-filled-with-old-people mall, Bayview Village. My brother excitedly asked a Chapters sales representative/stock boy about the proper line-up procedure come the night of July 20th.

7:25PM:
My brother mentioned that this is going the biggest book release of the century. For. The. Fifth. Time. Tonight. To burst his bubble, I tell him how reading books is overrated and that by tomorrow, the book will have leaked to BitTorrent. I didn't really mean a word I said, but I still nailed the future.

7:45PM:
My brother and father headed off to the LCBO. I went to my old stomping grounds, Laura Secord, for some French Crisp ice cream action.

*Last Sidenote I Promise* - There is a three year separation between me and my brother. He's still technically in his teens. And don't get it twisted, I'm the older sibling. Is it odd that he's the one going off to buy alcohol with my dad while I'm going to get an ice cream cone? Am I the only one who finds this peculiar? *End Last Sidenote I Promise*

8:15PM:
They still were not done deciding between domestic or imported beer. Who cares. I headed over to the store across from the LCBO that I have never wandered in before. The friendly young lady working in the store recommended I check out the cigar room. It smelled nice. Because I was a complete cigar newb, I asked for personal recommendations, and got the standard "you can't go wrong with Cuban cigars". She went on to claim that smoking cigars was more of a lifestyle choice. I failed to see her point, but nodded anyways because I was in way over my head. I was even attempting to smell the different cigars. They all smelled remotely the same. Because I caught a cold over the weekend and couldn't smell anything anyways.

8:30PM:
I thanked the nice lady and finally headed home with nothing to show for a mall outing. Terribly disappointing.

9:00PM:
Have you seen Shaq's Biggest Challenge? Go find it and watch it. High comedy.

The rest of the night is a blur of personal reflection time mixed with some Nintendo DS Big Brain action. The game insulted me by insinuating I had the brain of a 27 year old, which apparently is not a good thing. According to the game, I'm supposed to be shooting for a 20 year old brain. The game is skewed and does not factor in something I like to call LIFE EXPERIENCE. Learn things Nintendo, learn things.

There was the day in its entirety. I'm never doing this again.