Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Clear As Muddy Water
*Preface - Unintentionally long, but because I hear this song every day either on the way to work, or on the way home, or if I'm super lucky, both, consider this pent up rage. Line by line style.
Watching season two, episode five, of the award winning series, The Sopranos, titled "Big Girls Don't Cry". This reminds me of the utter stupidity of a Fergie's song that happens to share the same title.
Fergie - Big Girls Don't Cry
Da Da Da Da
(We're off to a fantastic start.)
The smell of your skin lingers on me now
(Body odor is one thing that should not make a big girl cry.)
You're probably on your flight back to your home town
(Actually, probability does not favor this particular situation happening, considering that towns generally don't have airports of their own. More likely, this ambiguous "you" that you're referring to, is probably DRIVING back to their home town. You should probably re-write this line.)
I need some shelter of my own protection baby
(I don't get it.)
To be with myself and center
(You can't be with yourself AND center, either pick your self, or pick the center)
Clarity, Peace, Serenity
(Look! Fergie knows semi-big words! Has somebody been reading a dictionary?)
I hope you know, I hope you know
(Honestly, at this point, I do want to know what she's babbling about, and I think she's about to fill me in...)
That this has nothing to do with you
(Comforting. At first I wasn't sure if I was the one with issues, but nope, the issue is still clearly your astoundingly bad lyricism!)
It's personal, myself and I
(Looks like that dictionary came with a thesaurus.)
We've got some straightenin' out to do
(Use. An. Iron.)
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
(This is going to need an entire sidenote.)
*Sidenote* - For one, children don't miss blankets. Children miss mommies. Children miss their pets/teddy-bears. Children are even expected to miss the point of a story sometimes. But children do not miss the piece of cloth that happens to drape over them as they sleep. They're TOO BUSY sleeping to notice the blanket in the first place. For two, any child that is allowed to miss their blanket, which usually entails a temper tantrum of epic proportions every time their blanket is not around for them to fall asleep under, is an improperly raised child. Show me a child that misses their blanket, and I'll show you a bad parent. Or two. Bad parenting is too common a thing nowadays that it is the norm. I'll give you a minute to click on those two links, and trust me, you'll need the whole minute, as you surely will question how those folks were allowed to have kids. I wish there was such a thing as parental screening, as in you must pass a basic test that incorporates common sense, and some simple math, before you get to become a parent. Skim those links. I'm going to go get a popsicle. *End Sidenote*
But I've got to get a move on with my life
(Fergs, you've done plenty of damage to this world already. Please retire.)
It's time to be a big girl now
(And here I thought it was lunch time. I need to get my clockworks oiled.)
And big girls don't cry
(Uhm. Guess what?)
*Sidenote* - Big girls don't cry? Is this a definitive, big girls CAN'T cry because their tear ducts were surgically excised at birth, or is this more of a, big girls WON'T cry for whatever reason? And how does one define a "big" girl? Big is a relative term, so I ask, what is this song relating big to? Are these questions going to be answered in remaining lines of the chorus (unlikely after a quick glance)? Are these questions going to be answered in verse 2? The bridge? Should a song bring up so many questions? Is it healthy? Is it healthy that my wrists feel wonky, yet I spend most of my day typing away at a keyboard? Shouldn't someone have invented the cure for wonky wrist syndrome? Am I insane if I fantasize about curing inconsequential diseases? Is my fantasy baseball team doing well tonight? When does fantasy hockey/basketball start up? Where did my indoor flip-flops go? Where was I before I went on this tangent? *Trailing Off Sidenote*
Don't cry
(Uh-huh.)
Don't cry
(Okay.)
Don't cry
(I've had it with the redundancy written into this song. "Me, myself and I"? "Don't cry, don't cry don't cry"? Go back to spelling out things. It fills up space slightly more inconspicuously than repeating phrases 3 times. Thank you.)
The path that I'm walking, I must go alone
(Euchre!)
I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown, full grown
(Now this is deep. A baby, technically takes baby steps, until they are a baby no more. This one actually makes sense! But it's stating the obvious.)
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?
(YOU DON'T GET TO ASK QUESTIONS. I ASK THE QUESTIONS. Fairytales ALWAYS end happily. Otherwise, they can no longer be classified as fairytales. They become tragedies.)
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay
(Darkness is the absence of light. You don't really see darkness. In darkness, you just don't see anything. Now, if you can't really see darkness, can you FORESEE darkness? Me thinks not. But my science is a bit faulty. Aawesome, but admittedly faulty.)
Like the little school mate in the school yard
(Making a point to point out the "little" school mate huh! That's mean.)
We'll play jacks and uno cards
(I don't think I've ever heard a uno reference before. I'll give this one to Fergie.)
I'll be your best friend and you'll be mine Valentine
(Presumptuous. It's probably safer and more polite to ask first.)
Yes you can hold my hand if you want to
(Can't. I'm too busy holding in the laughter your lyrics are evoking.)
'Cause I want to hold yours too
(Too bad.)
We'll be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds
(Whoa. WHOA. This is from the perspective of children isn't it? Weren't you just in the schoolyard playing uno cards? This is inappropriate.)
But it's time for me to go home
(This is the second (incoming pun) time in the same song that Fergie has informed me what time it is.)
It's getting late, dark outside
(It tends to do that. You know, the sun setting as the day goes on. Science. It explains phenomena. Learn things.)
I need to be with myself and center
(Talked about this already, going to take a quick nap)
Clarity, Peace, Serenity
(zzz)
La Da Da Da Da Da
(Maybe, just maybe, Ferie Ferg should've stuck to the La Dee Da's. But who am I to judge, her song gets more radio burn than music I deem good. The music industry is frustrating. I'm going to bed.)
posted by Buttug McOysty
. 12:08 AM .