My name is Buttug, I am aawesome, and I will be your tour guide Barbie today.

Before we embark on this tour, I ask that if you must take pictures that you please refrain from flash photography. Simply put, these nerds are only used to the light emitted by their desktop monitors/cell phones. Setting of bright lights trigger something in their bodies that will enrage them or send them scurrying to the closest dark corner.

One more thing, thank you for choosing Stupefying tours, proudly sponsered by nobody. Because here at nobody, nobody cares, enough.

If you direct your attention to the light located on the far wall of the cubicle, you will notice the many dents at the base of that lamp. Mind you, this was no artistic design, this was done through the constant pounding of metal onto the occupant of the cubicle's head everytime he stands up. It's a rather unfortunate choice of placement for the cubicle light, but one person's misfortunate also lead's to that person's hilarious* rant of a blog post.

It's one of those cowbell type dealios, that loud smashing sound followed by another minute of very subtle under the breath cursing is in fact notice that the one, the only, the aawesome, ME is coming out of his cubicle. Or is standing up to stretch his legs. Either way, its courteous to give advanced notice, and if there's one thing my momma** has taught me over the years is to be as polite as can be.

Now, looking back to the way you entered the cubicle, you will see what I like to call the spiffy "I don't want to talk to you so please go away" sliding door. Fully equiped with a white board with that exact phrase scribbled on it in my glorious handwritting.

The purpose behind this sliding door is because in a company this big with this many products, there are bound to be endless problems. And because I am considered the "young" and "full of vigor" and "eager to help anywhere" guy, I will be one of the first people asked about anything. First off, I usually wouldn't understand the question because I'm incompetent when it comes to technology talk. Secondly, the question is probably dumb, and I don't have to know what's going on to tell them that. The sliding door with a very terse message circumvents this process.

And then we have these noise generators overhead that sound like air conditioners, but are actually there to serve you the employee by muffling other bumbling employees mutterings (such as curses from hitting head on a cubicle light, or nerd giggles when work is being done (nope, no demonstratinos here, that's the 10 o clock tour special only)).

Although I certainly could've used some air conditioning action yesterday as everything felt so sticky. Seriously, my leg hairs were stuck to my pants, which were stuck to my shoes, which were stuck to the floor. Also stuck to my pants were some plastic forks that just clung on after I walked by them in the cafeteria. Pieces of food were stuck on the forks, which then in turn attracted bees, which stuck on because of their honey glazed bodies. It was as sticky as glue on paper. Or sticky rice on my fingers. Or Kan on Kwan.***

*Is it too presumptuous to say this without first consulting anyone?
**Shoutouts to my mom. Is this enough for mother's day? A shoutout to my mom on my blog she doesn't read? I may need to look into prices for a dozen roses or something similar.
***Hey Derek, that's 10 out of 10 right there.