If there's one thing they know how to do right down in the durrrty south, it's a great home-cooked meal. Soul food, if you will. Mashed potatoes, biscuits, and obviously, Fried Chicken.

I never get enough of that stuff living here in a fat-free territory, where even yogurt, a supposed healthy alternative to ice cream, is fat free. My bland crackers are fat free. I went to a restaurant and had to ask the waiter if liposuction had been performed on my BREAD.

So when I saw the commercial for McDonald's Southern Style Chicken Burger while watching "Old School" on TBS one night, I made it my goal for the next day to visit a McDonalds and cop that sandwich.

Now this is no ordinary burger, you see, you get a delicious piece of chicken in between two delicious pieces of biscuit. None of that regular bread business, because I'm no regular person.

And best of all it was advertised for $1.49.

You think you see where this post is going, but you don't.

Turns out, American television has duped me again. Twice, I have seen a McDonalds commercial, dropped everything I was holding at the time of the commercial, and made a very, very very short-termed goal involving the devouring of food in a very short amount of time. That first time, twenty Nuggets for the ridiculous price of five dollars. Twice, I have discovered that the advertised products were only available in the United States of America.

Chicken has a very odd hold over my life.

Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice I hate you McDonalds, you and your American ads.