This is Buttug, star reporter representing the Bandwagon-Jumpers.

After watching Dwayne Wade take shooting practice against the entire Dallas Mavericks team, instead of competing with the rest of the media for quotes from Dwayne Gretzky, I decided to head over to the funniest person alive excluding myself and that guy who's creepily standing behind you with a chain-saw while you read this post.

Just kidding (funny huh?).

Shaq, using only lines from your great rap albums, could you give me some thoughts about tonight's game?

"First off, I'd like to tell everyone to go get my album, 'Shaq Fu - Da Return' in stores now"

It's been in stores since '94, and I can buy it for a penny. Seriously, I just amazoned it on my spiffy T-series laptop from the I.B.M. (corporate sponsers). Let's talk about the game, or whatever, we could shoot the breeze, so whats the happenings Shaq Diesel?

"Always & forever, forever always attack,
I bring flava to ya ear like Craig Mack!
Life's a B and then ya D, refer to Nasty Nas Illmatic
CD, #3 Static!"

Come again?

"Change my name like Prince, punks be tremblin'.
My name ain't Shaq no more, call me Superman"

Superman had hair, Shaq.

Don't take this personally, flagrantly, or technically, but stick with basketball.

"One more thing, go buy my greatest hits disc, also in stores now"

Good gravy, how does one amass a greatest hits CD without actually ever having a hit? Actually, it's okay, you don't have to answer that, I'll go ask Bjork. Thanks, see you game 5 Shaq Daddy.

"Call me Superman or I'll eat you for breakfast."