People that describe advertisements are dorks.

Nevertheless...

I saw an Oil of Olay ad on the subway today that claimed if I looked into their bright golden-tinted mirror, I would see how I looked with a "bit more sun". So I peered into the oval and found that I looked like a dork.

I was on the subway coming up from downtown because I had to see that specialist eye doctor who performed the laser eye surgery on me a month ago. Yes, I had laser eye surgery. No, it wasn't the kind where I never have to wear glasses again. I still have those things around my eyes, and yes I still look like a dork.

Before the doctor would see me, they dilated my pupils and checked the pressure in my eyes with about 3 different drop bottles. You'd think if they could send rockets into outer space and they could make nanochips the size of an ants' hair, that they would be able to combine those three drop bottles into one, because by drop bottle number two, I'm already bawling and my eyes are burning, but I must keep them open for drop bottle number three.

For all I know, drop bottle number one and drop bottle number two just cancelled each other out and was done out of sheer torture to see if you could keep your eyes open long enough for the doctor to form any sort of educated opinion. Drop bottle number three is the one that counts. But, if I were you, and I/you (I got confused once I assigned I to you) had to go see an eye specialist because of some problem in my/your eyes, I/you wouldn't screw around.

Those drops had a weird effect, where I could still see distant objects very clearly with my glasses on. But once I tried to focus on anything close, I couldn't. But then, being the curious scientist in the making I am, I took off my glasses and found that I could fully focus on close objects, but, not surprisingly, everything further looked as pixelated as that Blink-182 "What's My Age Again?" music video.

I continued be amused at the fact that I could see close objects better WITHOUT my glasses. So I proceeded to hold my finger up close to my eyes and attempted to focus on the finger, causing my eyes to cross and uncross really quickly, while taking my glasses off and putting them back on. I did this for a few minutes before I realized that.

Yup.

You guessed it.

I looked like a dork.