The highly esteemed broadcasters at FOX have decided to answer this question. They do this by bringing on the dumbest dolt who doesn't mind being embarrassed on national television for a quick buck. They proceed to ask said person ten questions randomly selected from ten different subjects a fifth grader would be taught, or have been taught in the past, in any public school institution. Theoretically.

I say theoretically because if I was a fifth grade teacher, I definitely would not teach my kids about astronomy. I mean, talk about a volatile subject. I heard last year, a group of people got together and decide Pluto wasn't good enough to be a planet anymore. How can I teach that?

The contestant can choose to answer the questions, correct answers being rewarded monetarily, or they can choose to walk away with whatever money they have amassed to that point.

If the contestant incorrectly answers a question but has previously answered 5 questions correctly, they leave with $25000. If they have not answered 5 questions yet, they leave with nothing. Either way, they are obligated to look into a camera and say the punchline, "I am not as smart as a fifth grader." They'll try to play it off like it's no big deal, but you can see that they just died a little bit inside. And I would fast forward every episode just to watch a person deliver this sad statement.

It makes me giggle.

Of course, to help out the poor uninformed contestant, there are lifelines that include "copying off a fifth grader". There are five different fifth graders and each can only help with two questions at a time. Meaning the contestant chooses which student will be eligible to "cheat off of" every two questions. Also meaning that one poor kid will be chosen last (most of my previous team sports' memories), or worse yet, some kids may not be chosen at all (the rest of those memories).

Sounding eerily similar to "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire"? I concur that it's a little sad that we're still spinning off a game show that debuted in 1998. But that's not my point here.

I want to know ...

WHERE I NEED TO GO, OR WHO I NEED TO TALK TO, IN ORDER TO SIGN UP.

There's really nothing more satisfying than pwning a bunch of kids. And walking away with a bucketful of cash.

I will now elaborate, clarify, magnify, exemplify and conclude my point with this: