Since I spit so much hot fire around the K-town, I have single-handedly forced our apartment complex to update its fire regulations from the 1700's. Jokes aside, I'm very happy with the brand new smoke detector with swell enough technology to not go off everytime somebody in our apartment decides to be a dolt and not watch while the milk/water combination is boiling over. Actually I've been pretty good with that this year, no strikes for me just yet...

*knocks on my wood*

Yes hello? Must be the door. Allow me to go get that. Oh wait, I am no longer STRONG ENOUGH to open the darned door. Aparantly, there needs to be a "door closer" installed up top of our door as per the new and improved fire regulations. So not only is it a struggle for me to fight against this thing everytime I need to enter/exit the apartment, I also get no more visitors anymore because the door should technically be closed at all times.**

Of course, if you think about this, it makes a lot of sense. So if a fire were to say, start in our apartment, our door would be closed, and the fire wouldn't spread!*** Sparing all of the innocent people! Hurray!

Oh wait, what's that? Oh...it's Buttug...at his apartment window...he couldn't open the door to get out. Can you say survival of the fittest?

(everybody in the audience quietly mumbles 'survival of the fittest')

That's good boys and girls. Now can you say 'ANTIDISESTABLISHMENTARIANISM'? All together now.

('antidisestablish-takes a deep breath-mentarianism')

Now can you say hobblescoth? Yeah you're right, its not even a word. Just wanted to make you say some random words out loud. I hope somebody walked by while you were indulging me by playing this random game.

**Has been remedied. We've discovered that empty orange juice cartoons make for decent, if not superb, door stoppers. I still get no visitors though.

***I have a very striking suspicion that the fire would continue to eat through our WOODEN DOOR even if it were to be closed. I guess it would only slow the inevitable.

****Must be very confusing trying to find where this endnote points to. I just wanted to mention that I basically burned right through the BCHM midterm. I'll be saving that ice cream that I bought for the pity-party.