Health nuts are driving me ... nuts. Can you taste the irony? Not yet? That's okay, we'll just throw a few more mg of iron into the next batch groceries you buy. Throw in extra fibre just for kicks as well. You know. Cuz its good for you.

My mother packed lunches for me back in the day. I would have a sandwich every day of the week. On whole-wheat bread. And for dinner, I would have rice. Except the rice would be pink because there was an extra additive that would make it wonderfully healthy.

So when I'm up here making food for myself, I tend to shy away from the healthy side of life. I like my bread like I like my winters...white. So when I found out that my very own white bread was being SPIKED, I nearly choked to death on the lollipop I was eating for dinner (when I said 'shy away from the healthy side of life', I was really being modest)

Then, to top it all off, I come across this:


Hey! Whole Grain! Yeah, I'm talkin to you! You don't think I've noticed you invading my breakfast cereals with your graininess? Turning my sacred sugary snacks into semi-healthy meals? You and your sneaky tactics need to STAY AWAY from my Chips Ahoy.

Your intention of making Chips Ahoy healthier while admirable, is NOT appreciated. I'm not eating Chips Ahoy for my daily ingestion of fibre or whatever. I simply eat Chips Ahoy when I want to wash down some horrible whole wheat bread, or maybe forget about the new Lindsay Lohan song...or maybe for something to throw at the TV when the new Lindsay Lohan music video comes on.

I need to calm down. Somebody get me a lollipop. Or a chocolate bar. A STOLEN chocolate bar (don't worry, I didn't steal anything...for real)