Yesterday night, I helped out a friend with his singing contest audition by strumming along on the guitar. He rocked it. All 1 verse and 1 chorus, until they rudely cut him off. And he was just getting to the good part too. It was the equivalent of watching 1/2 of a television show, or reading the preface of a book.

Then they decided to have an "interview" with him, and by interview I mean a totally scripted conversation, here's what I want you to say so look at the camera and say it while I prompt you because I know you're gonna go off course due to the ridiculousness of these questions. Longest rant sentence ever. Give me a second.

*wheezing*

What can I say, I'm slightly out of shape. I digress.

Now just imagine for a second, any reality television show. You know that cheesy introduction where they flash a couple clips of the competitors accompanied by their name? Well they wanted my buddy to do something similar. If I remember correctly, they wanted him to "look away from the camera, and blink".

Needless to say, I was laughing. I almost rolled onto the floor. But if I ridiculed their audition methods, that probably would have cost my friend his shot at winning that home entertainment system, to which I am now entitled a good fifty percent of (that's right, you're dolby digital 5.1 speaker system just became a dolby 2.05, sucker), although I think his looking-away-and-blinking technique may have done him in already. That was just not an adequate blink.

Then to put the cherry on top of the already melting ice cream sundae, they decided to make him stand awkardly and snap "cd cover shots". So some cameraman got all up in his face and started taking pictures at a rate that would've made sound waves jealous. And I be like, "Yo, why you gotta be frontin like dat?" (first and last time I ever use ebonics..I promise)

Okay maybe I was too busy attempting to stiffle my urge to burst out into laughter to actually say that. But if I could turn back the hands of time and do it all again, ... no I'd still be too busy laughing.