*Preface* I don't feel very talkative wordy, and earlier today, I accidentally emptied out my Spam mailbox without thinking. Luckily, "I it marsupial" showed up just in time for this post.

If you are a girl that applies glitter around your eyes, and you make the executive decision to come at me for a hug, this is fair warning that I may greet your open arms with a move (or a full fledged DANCE MOVEMENT!, video not for everyone) I affectionately call the Heisman. Or a quick punch in the arm and then I'll run away.

If you are my future children, and you give me an artistic birthday card that you depicts the stick people family you took hours to draw, and you decide to put glitter on that card, as hard as it is to understand, my future children, do not be offended if I decide to hold your card ten feet away with an extended pair of tongs.

1. It is the hardest thing in the world to get off you, or your clothes.
Honestly, it's like trying to pick up a smooth, non- grip-able(?) substance, except ten times as frustrating. And all the while, it's sitting there, shimmering in the light, mocking you.

2. It gets everywhere.
On your shoulders, on your clothes, on your knees, on your toes, whether it is self-inflicted or you were collateral damage, and whether you know it's there or not.

3. It only shows up at the most inopportune times.
Putting statement one, and statement two together, you get statement three! Future children, I hope you're still reading this, you're about to be learned good:

1s + 2s = 3s --- the fundamental principle of grade junior kindergarten

Glitter, shows up when you least want it to. And usually, it's pointed out by the person you're meeting for the first time, or a giggling child.

Or, here's a better example. Say you're in line at a hot dog stand, ready to order that jumbo hot-dog with everything on it. The president of the galaxy decides to step up behind you and introduce himself. While conversing, something blinds him and as he throws his arms up to cover his eyes, his secret servicemen decide to take you out with some non-lethal but bruise-inducing force, because the flash was emanating from your body.

That's right. The sun managed to bounce off that one piece of glitter at an angle of reflection so precise allowing it to magnify itself for the death blow to the president's eyes.

4. The movie, and the corresponding soundtrack.



5. I am Sam.

I do not like it in a box.
I do not like it with a fox.
I do not like it in a house.
I do not like it with a mouse.
I do not like it here or there.
I do not like it anywhere.
I do not like glitter.
I do not like it, Sam-I-am.