That's the way...
the bee bumbles?
the ditz stumbles?
the paper crumples?
uh-huh uh-huh, I like it, uh-huh, uh-huh.
the silencer muffles?
the professor mummbles?
the play-list shuffles?
the chip ruffles?
THE CHIP RUFFLES? That's a pun and I didn't even intend it! Shouldn't there be some generic saying for a pun I accident-upon, something like...
...no pun intended.
I am streaming some live NBA action from a television station in China, and boy do they have quality coverage.
For one team (Houston), their key-to-the-game is, and I quote, "Don't Lose".
Chinese people really know their basketball.
*Preface - Highly disjointed semi-rhyming thoughts while I start realizing that no amount of studying will help me learn this material I just don't understand. Read at your own discretion. This is the requisite "emo" post, which may completely shock some of you, but "emo-type" posts usually generate comments. But I don't think I went emo enough. Meh.
My palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy,
naw, not really, but this theory,
isn't kickin' in.
Punching through paragraphs,
I stop to laugh,
at the relatively useless information.
What, am I waiting on Ryan to start a fire within?
If so, we may never see the fire again.
Death is eventual,
is my life consequential?
It doesn't have to be monumental,
just live up to my potential.
"Be all you can be", like the reserves
Unperturbed, march on in the face of scrutiny,
painful memories resounding in the shooting gallery
that is my heart.
*Preface - I should've made this into a weekly segment, you know, because that's what professionals do, create segments that you can fall back on in case you don't have real material, except I consider this real material; yes, you could argue that a professional would not misuse a semicolon like I just did, and yes, you could argue that a professional would not be able to write a run-on sentence without imploding, but save your arguing for the debate club; if you aren't part of a debate club, then substitute "mirror" for "debate club"; real people are made from internal conflicts; anyways, back to the point; now I'm just abusing the semicolon; after three quick thoughts, I enter into a fuller discussion centered around a painful experience...
Definition of spam: "Junk email, usually unsolicited."
Or, as I was thinking (chelle, feel free to close your eyes and scroll down for about three seconds, depending on how fast you scroll):
Spam: Delicious meat in a can, preferably used in sandwiches or fried rice.
"What the hell were they thinking" - relating to software design, but led off with this:
That's pretty funny.
"Opinion Conclusion" - Posed a question to the class, then took the "pro" side by flashing up this image.
Mos Def! Get it!? That's hilarious. Second week in a row this particular presenter pulled this out of her bag of tricks. Very entertaining. I'm convinced this is how you should agree with any statement.
I had much more ready to be written here, but long story short, it's just really painful to watch someone self-destruct, even more so if they're standing about 10 feet from you. On a weekly basis.
Some people just need to be hugged.
Just make sure you pick the right technique.
*Preface - Sure, this guy is hip-hop aware, but this video has nothing to do with hip-hop. Watch and learn. He has also been responsible for other informed, great videos.
Or am I really going at a rate greater than one post a day for the month of October?
It's almost as if I didn't have two exams and a seminar this week, nor an exam coming up next week.
Sure, you haters would argue my posts haven't been of quality length, and while I'll try to write up something of substantial length (not promising quality), a post is a post and that's what matters the most.
That rhymes and I didn't even intend it.
I've been a little late on this one, but I encourage everyone to head over to ren-ito.blogspot.com, specifically this post, carefully read through the super long post and super long comment section, and think about things. Obviously, draw your own conclusions (don't just read and agree with everything, or one person, hmmm this kinda relates to the discussion itself), there are many perspectives being drawn on, and even more ideas being tossed around, but a lot of time/effort has been put into a discussion of this magnitude.
You kids wanted to start conversations in my commenting section, so I thought I'd show you how professionals do it.
*Preface - This was just sent to me 2 minutes ago via email, as my seminar group is preparing for our 4pm talk today, by the female member of the group. I think we may just use this, with one of our topics being Internet dating and all. How does one accomplish any work at all after being sent hilarious images?
*Preface - The makeup around her eyes (mascara?) gives her crazy-eyes when she closes them, so watch carefully (1:20 mark). Cozy up to your computer monitor a bit. Good music is definitely in the building. Oh, did you manage to catch Bill O'Reilly there as Jay was intro-ing the segment? Good times.
*Preface - I started to type maybe, but decided to switch to perhaps. Inexplicable. Furthermore, you'd probably find it funny that I'm currently in the library (for real!), haven't had a bite to eat all day, and I'm basically doing myself a big disservice talking about food. Because more often than not, I epitomize my blog title. But I already said that.
The following is an ad for fried chicken, Colonel Sanders style. After the jump, watch for the supposedly-racist theme:
Please note that while it is indeed a Black family eating (delicious) fried chicken, that is not the issue at stake in this case. It is the portrayal of a Black family without a father that has been deemed racist (watch it again if you have to, but there is no father sitting around the table).
And if you think this is just a horrible stereotype (growing up father-less is soooo hip-hop), the statistics seem to be in favor of the generalization.
Also, it doesn't look like it's the first time that KFC has been in trouble with a questionably-racist ad.
Do the insulted parties have traction for their case here? Or is this completely ridiculous?
*Final Note* - We, the people of Seriously Stupefying Stupidity, do not condone the terrible mistreatment of animals generally associated with fast-food chains. If you are going to devour 150 pieces of fried chicken (for a hundred dollars, or whatever my brother kept saying), at least be inclined to know what you're eating and maybe cut back a bit mmkay thanks. *End Final Note*
Remember that 9/11 conspiracy video, Loose Change (no link because I think it's a waste of your time, but you can easily find it yourself)? Welps, here's a Titanic conspiracy video, aptly titled, "Unfastened Coins". Enjoy the show.
I epitomize my blog title.
Hecks, for a time, I even spelled a portion of my blog title wrong. Who does that?
Me.
I had a midterm today, that turned out to be worth double what I originally thought it was worth (after allotting studying time based on what I thought it was worth, and for half of that, studying with the television on and the sound muted).
*Sidenote* - Before I forget, welcome to the ... last week of Rocktober! Matt Holliday still hasn't touched home-plate! Can you feel the excitement? Will the Rockies continue to win at a magical pace? Did the Red-Sox buy their way to a championship? Will their games be snowed under in Colorado? Does anyone even know what I'm babbling about? *End Sidenote*
For the first question, I was asked to list out six words in order, which I had created an acronym for, because that's one of the best memorization techniques when it comes to making lists (apparently).
D.I.O.P - Ladies and gentlemen, DeSagana Diop, a basketball player that...
N.R. - nabs rebounds!
Simple enough right?
So imagine my delight as I go to scribble down D.I.O.P.N.R., then realize I had not properly memorized the first and last words corresponding to the acronym.
Time to break out a tub of ice cream. It's not so bad as a consolation prize.
*Preface - To break up the conversations occurring between people in my comment boxes, I have taken to post more often. Hopefully the disjointedness of everything will throw people off (for some, it already has).
I just did something so ridiculously cool, but at the same time, so incredibly dumb.
For a study break, I intended to head outside because it smells in my room the air is way fresher out there. With the temperature outside being slightly cooler than the internal temperature of my smelly room, I had to put on a pair of pants.
In the process, I kicked off my pair of shorts, which then flew across my room and into the basket containing dirty laundry.
Then after standing there for 10 seconds admiring the accuracy of my shot, I realized that a perfectly clean pair of shorts was now mingling with dirty clothes.
Fantastic.
Say the title of this post aloud.
Now be completely honest, what you really said was, "I need tuh do that".
Don't look now, but the DNA guy, you know James Watson, could be in a little bit of trouble with the racism police.
"Black people 'less intelligent' scientist claims".
I'll discuss this at a later date.
You know what's odd, besides the number 13?
I'm going about my bid-ness wif mah head down lo' and outta no'where, I spit lines that be da hottest fiah, but I ain't gots no beef wit nobadee. I guess I'm just a smartee yo.
*Translation* - I was casually waltzing through a regular day in my life when my beautiful mind came up with the craziest lyrics for a rap battle, even though I'm not currently involved in a verbal/physical feud. My mind stays sharp like an A student's pencils, like my breath staying fresh thanks to a package of Mentos.
It's the Fresh-maker.
I drop knowledge on you, better go grab a dictionary or thesaurus,
I'm way past your time, that's why this guy calls me a "brontosaurus".
I'm definitely not the person you want to mess with,
You've made a huge mistake, like you were George Michael Bluth.
Firstly, I suck.
Secondly, what the deal-è-õ? I could be dreaming up bigger things, like how to cure cancer, but instead, my mind does this with it's spare time? I must not be feeding it the right things. From here-on-out, I'm implementing a strict cupcake and apple-juice diet.
Thirdly, the second rhyme only works when I say it out loud and force the last words to rhyme.
Lastly, you probably won't even understand. My mind is on another level.
Setting: Previous Thursday afternoon computer ethical, social & legal issues seminar course. It's not as boring as it sounds...
During a presentation on the increasingly inappropriate levels of violence and sex in video games:
"In Grand Theft Auto 3, if you're losing life points, simply get a "hooker" and regain 25 health!"
Me: Boy, the character must've been really lucky to have met a hooker that has a medical degree. What are the chances!
Cool Caucasian Dude (think AE model) Sitting Beside Me: Lolz.
Seminar People: Cut-eye.
The very next afternoon, again in the same class...
We role played, my group acting as the family of a shuriken'd murder victim named "Helga" (I know one of you kiddies took on this pseudonym), I debated whether or not it was appropriate to fake cry for the whole class given the fake circumstances my fake family was in.
Later on in that Friday class, we were divided into groups for next week's presentations...
Cool Caucasian Dude: Hey, same group for the third week in a row!
Me: I'm starting to get sick of you.
Cool Caucasian Dude: Yeah, but it's lucky I'm so good looking. That probably helps.
Me: Uh-huh. We should just trot you out there, have you stand there for three minutes. That's how we'll end our presentation. You're our eye candy.
Cool Caucasian Dude: Does this mean I don't have to do any research?
Me: We definitely need a break from each other after this week.
*Preface - That title just works on many different levels. You'll see.
I caught the inaugural episode of "The Price Is Right: The Drew Carey Take-Over" while waiting for my lunch to materialize.
You better go read that again. I'll finish up an episode of The Simpsons I'm watching as an act of justified procrastination (I'm spacing out the time between finishing a draft of the essay and editing because that's how us professionals do).
*Oh Homer, you is so stupid*
You see, I was waiting for a nice gentleman to make a pita for me, and his store was gracious enough to have cable television and happened to be set on the Price Is Right channel. I look away for a few minutes, and then turn around to a fresh lunch! Poof! Magic (without the Manna) materialization of lunch.
But back to the programming at hand.
Obviously, Drew Carey is not an adequate replacement for Bob Barker. Nobody could fill Bob Barker's shoes. In 47 seconds, Bob Barker eclipsed Drew Carey's entire career. Uh...
*Disclaimer* - Semi-excessive use of a certain profanity that suddenly became acceptable for television shows such as Friends somewhere this side of Y2K. If you have a relatively low tolerance for curse words, then please watch this unrelated video. Then come back here to nod your head pretending to understand the following short (I really need to get back to work) discussion.
Now, I watched one woman win a car, and in another preview, another woman, oh heck you gotta see for yourself:
One weird laugh that comes out of NOWHERE at the 37 second mark huh!?
But seriously now, here's what ought to be done to the show. Due to the downgrade of the host, the prizes should be correspondingly downgraded. I mean, sure, for the first episode, you want to bring out all the big guns. The cars, the big money, the nice vacations, whatever. I get it. I get it more than I get act-utilitarianism and it's potential to create a basis for toleration.
*Sidenote* - My own paper confuses me. This is not looking good. *End Sidenote*
After episode 1 (no phantom menace), all prize announcements should go something like this:
Rod Roddy...errr....moment of silence. May he R.I.P.
Rich Fields: Kevin, you are going to play Hi Lo for a chance to win your very own stainless steel refrigerator 1 and a half inch by one inch MAGNET!
Kevin: *punches Drew Carey in the gut and walks off*
I'd watch every episode. Wouldn't you?
House-mate #1 is currently showering.
House-mate #2 really needed to poo, so he barged his way into the washroom and is currently pooing.
House-mate #1 - "This is so awkward."
House-mate #2 - "Can I flush? It's going to smell if I don't."
House-mate #1 - "AHH the water, it burns. I can't believe you ruined my relaxing shower."
House-mate #2 - "You probably should've locked the door."
House-mate #2 exits stage left.
Have you ever walked down a dimly lit, deserted street, all by your lonesome self, carrying enough stuff to make you teeter to one side, then to the other side as you compensate?
Where it was quiet enough for you to hear Charlie Chaplin perform?
You have?
I haven't! I don't know if I should envy you! Should I? But that's neither here nor there.
This weekend, I did the complete opposite.
Armed with a circle of friends and acquaintances, and some unnamed confection, not necessarily in the understood and oft used definition of the word, usually reserved for victory or the rich, we entered Aberdeen Street (picture is outdated, but still conveys the point) (*edit - Here's a short video).We were handed water bottles, wished good luck, and pushed and shoved our way to the other end of the street. At one point, I didn't even have to push or shove. I was carried along by the tide of the crowd. The cops were out in full force, and I was later informed they arrived by the bus-loads. The area was peppered by spotlights, which would've illuminated the liter lining the roads if it weren't for the hoards of people.
Another random note, it was as if everyone who was anyone was there, including people that aren't really anybody except for that one night. Then, back to relative obscurity.
And it was fantastic fun to witness a random girl attempting to hit on one of my house-mates. Quality entertainment while it lasted.
But I still don't understand the lifestyle. Nor do I understand how so many people can fit on old Kingston house balconies without fear of collapsing to their deaths.
Thanks to the folks at Indexed.
I know that when people tell me they enjoy my company, they're lying. And just how do I know this?
Come a little closer.
That's it. Just a little more.
By the way, have you been watching The Office? FYI, it's on tonight.
I hope you're close enough that the computer monitor radiation is warming your heart.
BECAUSE I DON'T OWN A COMPANY YET.
That's honestly the best introduction I could come up with for this post.
A guest speaker graced the presence of my biological computing class this morning. He arrived a full half hour late.
Strike one.
It was entertaining to watch the prof stall for time. She even went as far as threatening to deliver a lecture, which she wasn't prepared for because there was supposed to be a guest speaker, in place of the guest speaker! You know, to make sure we all stuck around.
When the guest speaker finally arrived to give his talk about entrepreneurship, the introductory PowerPoint slide he flashed up was titled, "A infallible 10 points ...".
A. Infallible.
Strike two.
One strike was all he could afford. Unlike this little lady, who probably will not be able to afford anything for the rest of her life. Because with Buttug McOysty, part-time English snob, uhm, Esquire, you only get two strikes.
Major League Baseball has nothing on me.
Anyways.
There's a little something Queen's University is hosting this weekend, I believe it's called homecoming. If you don't see me on this space for a while, you can go ahead and assume that during my absence I'll be flipping cars and lighting them on fire. Because here at Queen's, we don't let friends go to Western, we rebel against the higher education newly inundated in our minds by proving we're still stupefying stupid at heart.
*Preface - Conversation occurred over MSN. Names have been changed, identities have been protected, unnecessary portions have been cut. Me = ME. Freakin' Funny Friend = FFF. And I realize that it's probably funnier to me right now at 2am than it will be when I re-read this later on today.
1:19:06 AM FFF - O M G
1:19:06 AM FFF - gah
1:19:15 AM FFF - i was about to go out to go to the washroom
1:19:20 AM FFF - and then i open the door......
1:19:26 AM ME - ... BATMAN!?
1:19:30 AM FFF - and there's 2 people in the hall
1:19:38 AM FFF - and they're totally wasted
1:19:47 AM FFF - my hall smells like alcohol
1:19:52 AM ME - s'okay
1:19:55 AM ME - alcohol
1:19:58 AM ME - smells better than weed
1:20:00 AM FFF - now i don't get to go pee before i sleep
1:20:01 AM ME - LOL WHAT
1:20:01 AM FFF - it does
1:20:03 AM FFF - but um
1:20:08 AM ME - GO TO A FURTHER WASHROOM
1:20:13 AM FFF - drunk people might ummm hurt me??
*skipping forward in time*
1:25:21 AM ME - NOTHING
1:25:22 AM ME - trumps washroom breaks
1:25:27 AM ME - except maybe war
1:25:28 AM ME - just make a run for it
1:25:30 AM FFF - honestly the people outside look scary
1:25:34 AM FFF - they're not from my floor
1:26:31 AM FFF - ewwwwwwwwwwww
1:26:34 AM FFF - they're making out
1:26:44 AM FFF - and they're like 2 m away from my door
1:26:46 AM FFF - ewwww
*skipping forward in time*
1:29:10 AM FFF - i hate this
1:29:45 AM FFF - i'm going to call my RA (residence adviser)
1:30:14 AM FFF - and he's larger than me
1:30:20 AM FFF - and he'll totally be able to kick them out
1:33:33 AM FFF - YAY i came back
1:33:27 AM FFF - safely
It took 15 minutes for her to empty out her bladder. And THAT'S why I keep message history.
*Preface - My titles are getting longer and less related to the posts.
Funniest thing I've read all day (I can safely say this because it's only 38 minutes in). Click to view full size, I apologize for the template limitations.
*Preface - To be fair, so did I, until I was slapped in the face, ironically (or not) via Facebook
"haha no worries, your (not as...) frequent (...as summer) blogging makes up for it"
This, after THREE posts in one day.
I feel as if love is apportioned daily, and I get tremendously short-changed.
Three in a day. I'm getting really bored reading school-related articles, so I had to hop over to ESPN.
Michael Vick t-shirts have been banned at some American college.
"You can't make light of a situation like that" - media relations guy
Can't? Or shouldn't? Because, I think we're waaaay past can't.
I'm reading an article from a reputable-sounding URL address, http://www.foreignaffairs.org, but the article sounds far-fetched enough that I have to constantly double-check with Wikipedia.
Uhm.
Lolz?
I know heart-broken. And this person is heart-broken. Cue the waterworks.
All this, over a baseball team being ousted in the playoffs.
Keep in mind, she's supposed to be a professional.
I had to watch/listen to it twice, and it made me wish the Yankees lost every year in the first round of the playoffs. Listen for the build-up, or skip in about 30 seconds.
You know you're getting old when...
...you've moved your glasses up onto your head, in the position you put sunglasses when they aren't in use, then an hour later, almost poke your eye out thinking that the glasses would be in their normal position, and then correspondingly freak out as if you've lost the glasses.
To be fair, this happened while I was listening to some really good music, and it's unfair to think that my senses are able to multi-task like that. When one of my five senses is being maxed out, I'd like to think the other four compensate by lowering their sensitivity.
So if I ever happen to be eating dinner with you, while a live band plays in the background, while I'm reading the dessert menu in anticipation, whilst I smell the tasty mixture of smells an eatery usually offers, and you ask me to feel the texture of the tablecloth...
...call an ambulance. It'd be too much.
*Preface - I don't know which irresponsible parents are personally escorting their kids around university campus tours on a Wednesday (school day, hello) before a long weekend, which would have been a much better time to visit a campus. Irony demands that the kids now fail school, or not obtain a high enough GPA to be admitted into the universities they visited. Nevertheless, here's how a theoretical campus tour of Queen's would have went down today.
*Preface 2 - I wrote most of this on Wednesday before I realized I had a paper & presentation to do for Thursday/Friday, so it's only coming up now. Deal with it.
Setting: Student Center, 10:00AM.
Wide-eyed prospective students and their irresponsible (see preface above) parents gather around my over-sized "follow me" flag
Tour Guide McOysty - Gather round, no need to push, the campus is big enough for all of us. I'll be your campus guide today, my name is Buttug McOysty, and it's a shame you can't see URL links in my oration. You're missing out. Seriously (stupefying stupidity). If at any point you have any questions, please feel free to interrupt me and ask!
Overly-Inquisitive-Girl - Why is there such an excessive amount of dust in the air?
TGM - That would be the construction. You hear the stabbing, head-ache inducing, ground-pounding noises in the background?
Overly-Inquisitive-Girl's Mother - How do you put up with this ruckus!
TGM - Angrily.
*whistles blowing in the background*
Borderline-Bored-Boy - Does a train run through your campus?
TGM - Your sarcasm is not appreciated.
*approaching the construction site, which at this point, is just one big empty space that is being cleared out*
TGM - Now, if you will indulge me for a minute. Everyone, close your eyes. Up ahead lies what will be the future Queen's Center. Included in this spectacular arrangement will be a brand new arena, gym facilities, food outlets. Granted, you'll never get to enjoy the new facilities as they won't be up and running till 10 years later, but you'll sure be paying an arm and a leg for something you'll never use!
TGM - Now, in a second, the ground will shake violently. Feel free to hold onto your children. But don't worry, I have not shipped you to the Iraq while your eyes were closed. This is simply the dynamite being exploded underground a couple times a day. Don't mind me as a duck and cover.
*ducks and covers*
Borderline-Bored-Boy - Did you just say, "the Iraq"? Aren't you in, like, university or something?
TGM - I guess your bountiful years of education has yet to let you in on topical humor.
Eager Beaver Teenager - Where are we now?
TGM - Metaphysically speaking?
Eager Beaver Teenager - Uhm.
TGM - And now we have arrived at the gift shop! Feel free to buy yourself a "Friends don't let friends go to Western" t-shirt.
Shy Guy - Hey, my sister goes to western.
TGM - And water is wet.
Overly-Inquisitive-Girl's Mother - That's it. We're leaving. I should have never irresponsibly pulled my kid out of school for a day only to be stuck with the worst, most uninformative, disrespectful, yet strangely aawesome, campus tour guide. I'm going to report you to your higher-ups.
TGM - Just make sure you plan your path back carefully! The campus is like a little rat maze with all this construction going on! Have yourself a fantastical day. And thank you for embarking on Buttug McOysty's abbreviated guide to Queen's University.
*End-note* - I have a feeling the making-up-random-words and horrendous tense switches on this blog are affecting my ability to put together a cohesive professional paper for school.
Michael Vick took a 'respect for animals' class. It was 8 hours long, and he was inquisitive and attentive. At the conclusion of the course, he passed a "rigorous" written test.
First of all, how does one stay inquisitive and attentive for eight hours? I can barely be that for fifty minutes. No really! You should've seen me today! My forehead almost hit the desk in front of me! Twice! I'm sure it would've been embarrassing.
Secondly, inquisitive?
Really?
