i walked into work today to find a fundraising package on my desk. i was left wondering why this did not go through my non-existant secretary before i realized that i did not actually have a secretary, and therefore i need to hire one. so if you have nothing to do between the hours of 8:30-4:30, give me a call at 935-7685. and yes that is my real number, just dont call asking for "chris michael" because i will go bananas on you.

*# of DIFFERENT ppl that have called my number asking for chris michael = 5"

as my secretary, you will not only have the honor of sorting through dumb emails, and answering all my phone calls, or chris micahels phone calls, but you will also have the priviledge of smacking me on the back of my head everytime i tangent on my blog posts (also known as digressing)

back to the fundraising thing. naturally, i had to read it, just to make sure it wasnt anything important. rogers is actually trying to raise money for kids. apparantly if i donate 2 dollars, i can supply a child with a calculator.
go ahead, read that last sentence again...i'll wait

*waiting*

here's the thing. i'm not sure if i want the kids representing the 'future of canada' using two dollar calculators.
well why is that a****? isnt it very economical?
if you add 1 to 5 on a two dollar calculator, you get 7.
if you subtract 1 from 5 on a two dollar calculator, you get 7.
if you try to do those two operations back to back on a two dollar calculator
without giving the calculator 10 minutes of rest, the calculator will overheat and blow up.
if you want to multiply 20 by 4, you'd hafta use all your geniousness to figure out that there was a typo on the multiply key, and it came out as "z" because the z key is conveniently located beside the x key on a keyboard.
if you divide by zero on the two dollar calculator, it will automatically add you to the database for stupid children because everyone knows it is not theoretically possible to divide by zero, just like how it isnt theoretically possible to give 110%.
i would much rather have a kid pound out 3+8 on a piece of paper or on their fingers, and be satisfied with their hard work instead of patting themselves on the back for getting a 7 to show up on a small calculator screen.
if you add that (ha) to the fact that two dollar calculators DONT EXIST, then you have one big scam of a fundraiser.