this post is rated R (ha...if you keep reading you'll get it)
but b4 i do go on, this post is mainly about music, so if u could care less about my "black" music, and dont want to hear the harsh words i hafta say, then feel free to navigate away from this page to a mellow-er blog that is quality reading suitable for anybody. may i suggest clicking on the "mike kwan" link.

i like to wake up to music. to hear john mayer/kanye west tell me to "go...go, go, go" or to hear luda yell "stand up", gives me hope that the day will be good. the past week though, the only song i recall waking up to is R Kelly's "trapped in a closet".

just in case you were wondering, there are 5 parts to this song. each part is a whole song in itself (3-4 minutes give or take), and if you guessed that the song is about R Kelly being trapped in a closet, go on, pat yourself on the back. He's in the closet hiding from the husband of the chick he is sleeping with.

Good for you R. Writing a song about having sex with people you are not supposed to be having sex with. Next time you decide to pull a stunt like this, make sure your not about to stand trial for rape or child porn. i mean, cmon, someone in his camp should've pulled him to one side and told him maybe this was not the direction they should be taking at this point of his career.

But i digress (i like the word digress...i dont really care if i'm not using it correctly)

in part 1 of 5, R gets caught in the closet. SO WHAT THE HECK ARE THE OTHER FOUR PARTS GONNA BE ABOUT? is this some sick joke? do i look like i'm laughing? it quite possibly is just that. a joke. a song we'd expect to see on chappelle show, except R beat them to the punch, thinking

"They all gonna make fun of me anyway, so if I make an album full of material for them, they won't be laughing at me, they'll be laughign with me."

good try, but what ur actually doing is reminding the general public of what a sick perv you are.

here's theory number two as to why this song was released. every now and then, an artist will release crap to the public to reassure his/her stance that "i can release anything and ppl will buy it up cuz they love me". and it WORKS. or else i would not be hearnig this darned song EVERY MORNING.

i used to sing along to r kelly, with hit songs such as "i believe i can fly" or "worlds greatest". but now after, "trapped in a closet" and "sex in the kitchen", i sing no more.

wait a second, "TRAPPED...in a closet", "SEX...in the kitchen"? i see a THEME!!! his songs include a verb, followed by something you can find in a house! in fact, i'm gonna go out on a limb and predict the title of the album to be "the house of R Kelly" at which point i will buy the album, then FLUSH ... it down a toilet.

would somebody please explain to me how one releases a gospel-ish album, then follows it up with these two songs?

i hope he burns himself on a stovetop while attempting to do his dirty business in the kitchen...or traps himself in a closet forever.

now my coffee is all cold from writing this exhaustive post. add that to the list of reasons i now hate r kelly.