Recently, scientists have discovered that garlic is detected in the body by pain receptors.

And you thought that I was the only one in this world that is useless at work. Seriously who goes around experimenting with GARLIC? The last time I checked, ice cream was still melting all over my fingers. Why won't some scientist get on that? And how are my seedless mangoes going?

Switching flavors, the one-million-dollar question for today is: what would you do for a Klondike bar? Presenting to you, another reality show that makes you want to grab that axe you keep in your closet and take one good swing at the TV, before you realize that the TV is your only friend.

"Hi, I'm Regis Philbin."

{applause}

"Thank you. Thank you. That Ehron, huh -- what a crazy guy. Tonight we get to see what crazy things he'd do for a Klondike Bar!"

Okay, I'm not really Regis -- I'm still Ehron pretending to be Regis pretending like this announcement is some sort of pretend reality show reveal. Sometimes I just get so clever.

My cleverness has also allowed me to decipher the meaning of that Hollaback Girl song. HollaBACK spelled BACKwards is, basically, Kabbalah. And Gwen aint no Kabbalah Girl. In fact she thinks that s**t is bananas.

I hope I didn't offend anyone by saying s**t. I am, at some point, going to find a way to offend every single person that reads this thing one by one. I have no idea how I’m going to acheive this, aside to say it will be totally accidental, and a by-product of the fact that I’m pretty much an jerk by nature. Rest assured - your time will probably come and I’m sorry.

At least I'll try my best not to be racist, because I only try to push the boundaries, not cross them. On the other hand, the state of Florida has decided to SUE in order to keep up the racist status quo. Couple this act with your inability to read-a-ballot-good, I now crown you, Florida, the "Dumbest State". And that's saying something, what with Nebraska, and Arkansas, and New Mexico also nominated. DONT TAKE A BOW, it was an INSULT.

*Really Ehron? Florida-sucks-at-voting-jokes? Put the stick down, that horse is dead.*

Last note (is B...because then it wraps back around to C...), I keep forgetting to thank everyone who wished me a happy birthday. I know, it was a bad move on my part and I appologize. Please stop sending me cherry bombs "cleverly" disguised as presents. MY BAD OK?!